“He always made me feel like I was wrong, you know?” Every time I think back to my relationship with the Narcissist, I would think of this quote from the movie A League of Their Own. No matter what I did, what I said, how I dressed, how I chose to parent, he always made me feel wrong.
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Even six years post-discard, I’m feeling guilty. Even with all the therapy I’ve had, the support I’ve been given and the information I have learned along the way, I’m feeling guilty. I have what I term The Narcissistic Abuse Survivor’s Guilt. I’m wondering if any of you have felt like this. So I thought to write a blog post about the subject.
Toxic individuals with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) are not easy people to deal with on a daily basis. In fact, they are downright difficult. So how can you deal with someone with BPD without compromising your own self-esteem and awareness? Below are several tips on how.
I get it. You were in love. You had built a life with the Narcissist. But you were dealt a huge blow when the Narcissist discarded you like yesterday’s garbage. Whether the discard was a week ago, a month ago, or a year ago, one thing is for sure. You can’t stop thinking about the Narcissist. But you want to. But how?
Thank you once again to my friends over at Soulmates in Hell for this guest blog post. I have learned so much reading their blogs. Can any of you readers relate to today's blog? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories.
If you are a member of Facebook groups like I am, you'll likely be aware that Facebook groups are split into three categories - public/open, closed, and secret.
If you are reading this blog post, chances are you are a Narcissistic Abuse survivor. You may be a member of several Facebook support groups. Some of these support groups are both closed and secret. There has been cause for concern in these closed and secret groups that posts and comments can be seen by non-members. I totally understand this concern. You may not want your NX to see what you post in the groups you belong to.
After the Narcissists discard us, thoughts and feelings begin to swirl around in our mind. What if we loved them more? What if we tried to please them more? What if we didn’t pick that fight? What if we just tried to pitch in more around the house? The “What if” game is a dangerous path to go down. Don’t play that game.
While meditation isn't a cure-all, there are several reasons why it's so helpful to someone who is in the midst of healing and recovery from trauma, like Narcissistic Abuse.
After the Narcissist, life is chaos. That's exactly how the Narcissists want it. They want to see you struggle....and fail. But there is a way to get your life back!
So often, if you're feeling so many things, you might not have a lot of options on where to turn. Not family. Not friends. And if you're not currently in therapy, your options are even further limited. So what do you do?
There are never any good times with the Narcissist. The bitter truth of that statement stung me so deeply. What we were led to believe was all a lie. None of it was true. What we thought were good times was just smoke and mirrors.
Healing from gaslighting will take time and patience. It takes time because the victim's reality became so distorted that he or she will find it difficult to accept the actual truth.
In my blog on Boundaries, I spoke of some brief experiences I had with my NX and how he cannot respect them. This blog, I'll be revisiting the topic of boundaries and go more in depth in how you can establish healthy ones with the Narcissist in your life.
In the aftermath of Narcissistic Abuse, it's vital to put the concept of self-affirming thoughts into practice. Below are several reasons why it's an incredibly powerful healing tool.
In the aftermath of any relationship with Narcissists, you will be left bewildered, disoriented, angry, depressed, confused. You won’t know which way to turn or where to go for help. You don’t know why you were discarded. All that you know is that you miss the Narcissist.
When I moved closer to family and friends after the NX discarded me, I thought I'd get unconditional support. What I discovered shocked me to my core. Many had no clue what I went through and instead turned away from me. That feeling I had is what prompted me to write this post.
This is a topic that has come up often. How can you be kind to yourself after the Narcissist? I mean, I know all I wanted to do was to curl up in a ball and hide under the covers. How do you begin to move on after the Narcissist? What steps can you take to begin to heal?
A Narcissist's goal is to make you feel worthless, unlovable, crazy, fat or ugly. A Narcissist wants you to think that you can't do anything right, that you are forgetful, that you need psychological help.
Well, I'm here to tell you that's all hogwash! Why? Because you are valued!
The recent death of a fellow survivor (not a reader of my blog or my Facebook page with the same name) got me thinking. She felt taking her life was the only option out of her pain. Sadly, it left behind a wave of grief in the survivor community.
This blog was born out of something another survivor said to the rest of us in the group. She is right. We MUST keep fighting.
I've been there. You're frazzled. You need some clarity. You are desperate for help. So you suggest couples' counseling to your significant other, the Narcissist.
If it is one thing that survivors need after Narcissistic Abuse, it is the need to feel safe. We hunger for it. We ache to have that feeling. It is a basic human need.
Much like the fog can cloud a driver's view while on the road, so can Narcissistic Abuse obscure a victim's mind. So what can a person do to get out of the fog?
After a reader commented how she needed to "stay strong" for her children, I realized I needed to write a post that explored this phrase and clarify just what it means to stay strong after a narcissistic relationship.
Going no contact is exactly what is implied - no contact. It's a phrase used by Narcissistic Abuse survivors when reclaiming their life, their power and their voice. No contact means no phone calls, no texting, no emails. Nothing. Not even leaving a note on the windshield of their car. No contact by proxy (having someone else contact the Narc). No cyberstalking. No peeking at their Facebook page.
In the beginning stages of healing and recovery, there will be so many mixed emotions that you will feel. I know I felt sadness, anger, sympathy, lost, concerned, scared, worried. You'll want to go back to your Narcissistic Ex. You'll want to contact them, explain that what they did caused you so much pain and anguish. Hear me.....Narcissists will NEVER understand, nor will they ever express any kind of remorse for the pain they caused you.
Today's post is nearly verbatim of what one survivor said to another survivor. Some information has been removed to protect the identities of all involved. |
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna Jen, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you! Archives
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The content of this site is told from the blog author/owner's personal experience of dealing with a male Narcissist. Narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths are both male and female, and come from all walks of life. Furthermore, the content contained herein is not intended to be a replacement for medical or legal counsel. This blog's sole purpose is to provide support to those who have endured Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse.
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