Healing from gaslighting will take time and patience. It takes time because the victim's reality became so distorted that he or she will find it difficult to accept the actual truth.
Gaslighting definition
In my blog, Gaslighting: What You Need To Know," I discussed how gaslighting is a very insidious technique that Narcissists use to distort and destroy the victim's perceptions and reality. You will end up doubting your surroundings and question your decision making skills. You will look to the Narcissist to tell you what's real and what isn't. How that will create chaos! At that point, the Narcissists can pick and choose what to tell you so that they can effectively create their own version of the truth. Ways to heal It takes a while to begin digging your way out of that fog. You look to family and friends to help you determine what's real. It's kind of like how Katniss helped Peeta gain back reality in Mockingjay Part 2 by playing "Real Not Real." Even when you're still with the Narcissist, there are things you can do to help heal yourself from the effects of gaslighting. 1. Keep a journal. When you KNOW something to be true, write it down. That way, when the Narcissist tells you something, you can refer to your journal. It's your own version of the "Real Not Real" game. So for example, take my experience with the keys. I never had one set place that I always put them. I was always leaving them in my purse, the kitchen counter, the bedroom nighttable. And my NX knew this. He knew I was leaving my keys in different places. So my advice is this: Dedicate ONE particular place to set your keys. And write that down in your journal! This way, you know the truth of the one place you put your keys. If the Narcissist in your life is the kind to snoop around, be sure to keep the journal in a place where it won't be found. 2. Talk to a trusted friend or relative. Dedicate one person to be your reality anchor. When things seem fuzzy to you, call that person up (preferably when the Narcissist isn't home), and have that person help you regain your reality. 3. Research If you can safely do so, research your feelings and emotions. It would be best to do this research when the Narcissist isn't home (then erase browser history) or visit your local library and conduct the research there. When you research your feelings, you are essentially validating them. When you read that you are NOT crazy like the Narcissist says, then that's one more thing you can write down in your journal. What ways have you used to help yourself heal from gaslighting? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories.
4 Comments
12/23/2016 05:24:33 pm
I also wrote an article on Gaslighting: The Narcissist's Covert Aggression. If you have experienced this form of narcissistic psychological abuse you may find the article useful. Here is a link: http://narcissisticbehavior.net/the-effects-of-gaslighting-in-narcissistic-victim-syndrome/
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Jenn
12/23/2016 09:22:11 pm
Christine......Thank you so much for posting that article. I did read it earlier. It is very insightful. I experienced exactly what you described. My blog post on Gaslighting (can be found under the Further Reading tab) is only a glimpse into what I endured. I have a post planned for the future that will expand on Gaslighting and what it does to its victims.
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12/24/2016 08:05:00 am
I read your article on Gaslighting, and was so glad to see what you wrote. Everybody need to know this, and especially therapists who are working with the victims. I have run a workshop in Gaslighting in Dublin, and I video recorded it for both therapists and victims everywhere...... that workshop is available on my website for anybody who wanted to attend the workshop, but could not get to Dublin. If Mohammad could not come to the mountain, then the mountain would come to Mohammad (so to speak). Keep up your good work. Here is a link to the Gaslighting Workshop if anybody wants to take a look.
Jenn
12/25/2016 10:31:16 am
Christine.....Thank you for your kind words. I will check out that link you provided. Thank you for all the work you do as well. Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
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