In the beginning stages of healing and recovery, there will be so many mixed emotions that you will feel. I know I felt sadness, anger, sympathy, lost, concerned, scared, worried. You'll want to go back to your Narcissistic Ex. You'll want to contact them, explain that what they did caused you so much pain and anguish. Hear me.....Narcissists will NEVER understand, nor will they ever express any kind of remorse for the pain they caused you.
Today's post is nearly verbatim of what one survivor said to another survivor. Some information has been removed to protect the identities of all involved.
Do not call him. Do not text him. Do not email him. About everything except pure, factual business, the very minimum in non emotional language. He feeds off your pain. He loves drama. He's incredibly abusive. He stabs you with a serrated knife then blames you for the mess you made, bleeding all over the floor like that. He LOVES this, I promise you. And it will only get 1000x worse if you keep letting him get to you. He knows you very well. He knows exactly what buttons to push to hurt you and what strings to pull to manipulate you. He's been studying and experimenting on you for years. He LOVES that you're helpless. He gets to play the dominant master role.
But you're not actually helpless. You are not a burden, you are worth it. You need time to recover, is all. When you have, then you can take care of your proverbial hospital bills. GUARANTEED you will take a LOT longer to heal in any environment that involves him. Don't underestimate the power of positivity in healing - and the vice versa. You WILL get through this. And we will help you. As for your literal hospital bills, no hospital is allowed to refuse emergency treatment.
Every time you want to write him something, post it here instead. Everything you want to say something, say it here instead. Refuse to speak to him verbally. If he calls, hang up and say you can only text or email right now. He will trap you and gauge your reactions and keep feeding your emotional state until he gets it to whatever he wants, then make you look like the crazy one by reacting. He might even tape it. Don't give him the pleasure.
Above all, remember that the man you fell in love with is NOT the man he is, but a carefully crafted figment of his imagination specifically designed to lure you in. Just keep reminding yourself that the man you love never existed, and you will slowly be able to separate the two. This will enable you to grieve and miss the false man while dealing with the evil, predatory monster you have right in front of you.
You are worthy. You are so awesome and special that he picked you, saw you and groomed you so he could steal your light, to try to make it his own. They never seem to realize that taking a candle's flame snuffs out the candle AND extinguishes the flame, and they're all out of wick for their own. If you WEREN'T that fabulous, he would have gotten rid of you a long time ago. Why else on earth would he have anything to do with you let alone want you back otherwise? Only when he's drained you so bad there's nothing left, or he's groomed someone else with more to give because he's taken everything from you, will he discard - but even then, might continue stringing you along and messing with you on the side.
Don't let him. Don't give him that chance. Be the one to leave. A huge crush to their ego. NOT their *heart*, their *ego*, do not be fooled. They have no heart, or you'd never have left in the first place, especially now, of all times.
Do something nice for yourself. Take a bath, get lots of sleep, eat something warm and healthy. You will feel better about everything with enough of that. Tomorrow's worries will sort themselves out. You've survived THIS far, after all. You'll survive everything else, too.
Can you relate to the above words? Have you felt this way? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories with me.
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you!
The Top 10
Here you will find my most popular posts for easier discovery.
How Narcissists Make Sure You Never Solve Problems In A Relationship
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How I Lost My Identity
Effects of Emotional Abuse
Emotionally Abusive Behaviors
Tightening Your Facebook Privacy Settings
Why You Should Never Defend Yourself Against The Narcissist's Smear Campaign
Going No Contact: A List Of What To Do And What Not To Do
An Open Letter To All Survivors Who Just Got Out Of An Abusive Situation
The Great Manipulator
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The content of this site is told from the blog author/owner's personal experience of dealing with a male Narcissist. Narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths are both male and female, and come from all walks of life. Furthermore, the content contained herein is not intended to be a replacement for medical or legal counsel. This blog's sole purpose is to provide support to those who have endured Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse.