“He always made me feel like I was wrong, you know?” Every time I think back to my relationship with the Narcissist, I would think of this quote from the movie A League of Their Own. No matter what I did, what I said, how I dressed, how I chose to parent, he always made me feel wrong.
Seriously, how can a person be so incredibly toxic and hurtful towards another? The Narcissist made me feel all sorts of wrong – I felt worthless, unlovable, that I was damaged goods, that I was fat and lazy. He made me feel wrong. He took every part of my heart, soul and being and just tore it to shreds. He didn’t care.
Let’s take each of those one by one. 1. He made me feel worthless I know I have a lot of great qualities. But the Narcissist didn’t see that. Or if he did, he chose to tear them down one by one. He would tell me on a consistent basis that I held no value towards the success of the home. Even though I had held differing jobs over the course of the relationship, he would matter-of-factly state that his job was more important. Thus, putting no value to the jobs I held. I know I’m funny and creative...the Narcissist would tear down what goodness I felt about myself and my abilities. Thus, I began to feel that I was no good. 2. He made me feel unlovable He took any chance he got to tell me that I was lucky he “loved” me. That no one in their right mind would love me. That no one could or ever would love someone like me. Someone like me? Yes, he’d come right out and tell me that I wasn’t worth loving and that I should feel lucky that he rescued me from certain lonliness. 3. He said that I was damaged goods Countless times, the Narcissist would tell me that no one would want me because I was damaged goods. That I was used up. I had been married before the Narcissist. In fact, I was in the middle of the divorce process when the Narcissist swooped in and played Prince Charming. So he used that first failed marriage against me and said I was damaged goods. Why would anyone want something that had been used before, he said. 4. He said that I was fat and lazy I had always had a little bit of pudge even before I had children with him. It didn’t help matters that I had always had body image issues most of my life. Then, when I had my daughter, comments about my weight began to fly. No matter what I did, he minimized or discredited it. If I cleaned up the house, he’d say I missed a spot. Or if he saw me sitting on the couch watching TV when he got home and saw there was still a “mess” in the house, he’d tell me, “What did you do all day? Sit on your fat a$$ eating Bon-Bons?” Man, I’ll never forget that statement! Bottom line No one should feel like they are wrong. No one should make someone feel that way. But in a Narcissist’s world, it’s their way or the highway. And after a while, I was conditioned to believe that I was indeed wrong! I hated feeling that way. Fortunately, that feeling began to slowly lift after he discarded me. And I mean slowly. I still have moments where I doubt myself and my abilities, or feel unloved or underappreciated. But it’s because of the conditioning I received while under the Narcissist’s spell. To combat those feelings, I fill my soul with the good things in life – family and friends who love me, write in my journal, I volunteer at my city’s animal shelter. Has the Narcissist in your life made you feel wrong? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories with me.
9 Comments
Rose michelle
2/8/2017 03:24:11 pm
My narcX was great at not commenting. On most things. Never told me I was beautiful. But he'd tell me that he thot woman A or B was pretty. Or that the dress I was wearing or effort put in getting dressed up was never acknowledged. But he was great at stating how woman C looked in her dress. Never complained. Never had an opinion. If he didn't like something he would ignore it or me.
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Jenn
2/14/2017 07:01:59 pm
Rose.....That's another way Narcissists will make us feel wrong. They will ignore us. They will purposely say and do things that they know will invalidate us. By invalidating us, they are telling us that we don't matter.
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Connie
2/8/2017 05:17:56 pm
My spouse has complimented me on a dress. However, same night, we ate in silence, went to a bar where he would leave me standing alone while he talked himself up to the woman bartender who he clearly found attractive. He later admitted that. He, also, at other times while out on the town, has told other women how beautiful they are or will tell their men how lucky he is to have a beautiful girlfriend. Not quite sure if spouse is a narcissist or a selfish self-centered jerk at times.
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Jenn
2/14/2017 07:05:04 pm
Connie.......Him chatting up other women while he is out with you can be considered as being just a jerk. Depends. Does he show other Narcissistic signs? If not, then he's just being an insensitive jerk. But if he does show other red flags, then you have a toxic person in your life. If you haven't already, come on over to my Facebook page of the same name. Just click the "F" icon at the top of the page. I will be thinking of you. Hang in there.
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Lindsay
2/9/2017 06:55:44 am
A comment that suddenly struck me and led to realizing what I was involved with was about my looks. I don't have body issues, ex was always, vocal about his fondness for my body
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Jenn
2/14/2017 07:08:12 pm
Lindsay......Ouch. That wasn't very nice of him to say! I'm so sorry that you had to deal with such a hurtful comment. Has he shown other abusive tactics? If not, then he was just being a big jerk. If he has, then he's being very toxic and abusive towards you. I will be thinking of you.
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Amanda
5/19/2017 11:12:40 pm
Let's see. I was a shit stain that he rescued from being in a white trash home. I was fucked up, no one would want me. If I dressed up, or look good, I was a whore, looking for sex with any man who offered. If I didn't dress up, I was lazy, and didn't care about my appearance. Nothing was every clean enough, I did everything, even though he was on a 24 on 72 off work schedule, yet I was lazy. My children were great kids by accident, me being them and teaching them was not why they were good, I was a shitty mom. What's sad, is he's a firefighter, and he used his position as an emt to threaten to have me committed because I was crazy in his words. Threatened to take my children and leave me destitute if I ever left. Took every bit of strength I had to file for divorce, but the cloud lifted almost as soon as he was out the door. I researched and discovered that he fit NPD. You know, I would lie to keep from getting 5 hour lectures over a spill of soda on the floor and he used that to "prove" I was a horrible person who deserved his abuse, and everything that was wrong with the marriage was my fault.
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C B
5/20/2017 12:31:04 am
I had much the same experience with both my maternal figure and former spouse, both narcissists. The outright cruelty is not something that I was prepared to believe was happening at the time, so it took a while before I recognized it for what it was. Until then I bargained and suffered and internalized all of it, believing for a long time that much of it was true.
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Angela
5/20/2017 01:11:22 pm
My ex wrote in his "marital history" that he thought he had married a happy, healthy and socially secure woman. So there were two things going on here. First, there is the insinuation that somehow I deceived him. He was the victim of some kind of deception. Secondly, he's saying here that if I don't live up to his "standards" of being constantly happy, healthy and socially secure that there is something really wrong with me. I don't know anyone who could be 100% happy, healthy and socially secure 100% of the time. It didn't take me long to realize that he was never going to be there for me even if I happen to be depressed, sad, sick or socially insecure.
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