“He always made me feel like I was wrong, you know?” Every time I think back to my relationship with the Narcissist, I would think of this quote from the movie A League of Their Own. No matter what I did, what I said, how I dressed, how I chose to parent, he always made me feel wrong.
Seriously, how can a person be so incredibly toxic and hurtful towards another? The Narcissist made me feel all sorts of wrong – I felt worthless, unlovable, that I was damaged goods, that I was fat and lazy. He made me feel wrong. He took every part of my heart, soul and being and just tore it to shreds. He didn’t care.
Let’s take each of those one by one.
1. He made me feel worthless
I know I have a lot of great qualities. But the Narcissist didn’t see that. Or if he did, he chose to tear them down one by one. He would tell me on a consistent basis that I held no value towards the success of the home. Even though I had held differing jobs over the course of the relationship, he would matter-of-factly state that his job was more important. Thus, putting no value to the jobs I held. I know I’m funny and creative...the Narcissist would tear down what goodness I felt about myself and my abilities. Thus, I began to feel that I was no good.
2. He made me feel unlovable
He took any chance he got to tell me that I was lucky he “loved” me. That no one in their right mind would love me. That no one could or ever would love someone like me. Someone like me? Yes, he’d come right out and tell me that I wasn’t worth loving and that I should feel lucky that he rescued me from certain lonliness.
3. He said that I was damaged goods
Countless times, the Narcissist would tell me that no one would want me because I was damaged goods. That I was used up. I had been married before the Narcissist. In fact, I was in the middle of the divorce process when the Narcissist swooped in and played Prince Charming. So he used that first failed marriage against me and said I was damaged goods. Why would anyone want something that had been used before, he said.
4. He said that I was fat and lazy
I had always had a little bit of pudge even before I had children with him. It didn’t help matters that I had always had body image issues most of my life. Then, when I had my daughter, comments about my weight began to fly. No matter what I did, he minimized or discredited it. If I cleaned up the house, he’d say I missed a spot. Or if he saw me sitting on the couch watching TV when he got home and saw there was still a “mess” in the house, he’d tell me, “What did you do all day? Sit on your fat a$$ eating Bon-Bons?” Man, I’ll never forget that statement!
No one should feel like they are wrong. No one should make someone feel that way. But in a Narcissist’s world, it’s their way or the highway. And after a while, I was conditioned to believe that I was indeed wrong! I hated feeling that way. Fortunately, that feeling began to slowly lift after he discarded me. And I mean slowly. I still have moments where I doubt myself and my abilities, or feel unloved or underappreciated. But it’s because of the conditioning I received while under the Narcissist’s spell. To combat those feelings, I fill my soul with the good things in life – family and friends who love me, write in my journal, I volunteer at my city’s animal shelter.
Has the Narcissist in your life made you feel wrong? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories with me.
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you!
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The content of this site is told from the blog author/owner's personal experience of dealing with a male Narcissist. Narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths are both male and female, and come from all walks of life. Furthermore, the content contained herein is not intended to be a replacement for medical or legal counsel. This blog's sole purpose is to provide support to those who have endured Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse.