After the Narcissists discard us, thoughts and feelings begin to swirl around in our mind. What if we loved them more? What if we tried to please them more? What if we didn’t pick that fight? What if we just tried to pitch in more around the house? The “What if” game is a dangerous path to go down. Don’t play that game.
Playing that game will only drive us deeper into despair and cause us to miss the Narcissist even more. And while it IS okay to miss the Narcissist, it isn’t healthy to pine over someone who caused us so much pain. I know that sounds quite contradictory. Let me explain.
Why it’s okay to miss the Narcissists
When we are discarded, it is only natural to miss them. Why? Because we loved them. Our love for them was real. It is okay to cry into your pillow at night for a while. It is okay to mourn the loss. In fact, grieving is essential to healing. I know that sounds counterproductive. But just like any loss in our lives, sorting through it and processing it needs to happen. If we don’t sort through it properly, we won’t really heal.
Why it’s not okay to pine over the Narcissists
According to Dictionary.com, to pine for someone is to “yearn deeply” and “suffer with longing.” The key word there being suffer. That’s what pining does to us, readers. Pining over someone causes us more heartache in the long run. The Narcissists hurt us. They hurt us physically, emotionally, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and financially. It took me a while to shake myself of that pining feeling. I realized I didn’t want to be with someone who hurt me so badly. Pining over them can cause us more emotional and even physical harm.
There is nothing that you could have done to make it work out. You loved the best you could. There is nothing that would have turned the relationship around. The fights you had weren’t your fault. You did all you could to make the relationship work. It was not your fault that the discard happened. Please don’t play that “what if” game. It won’t do you any good to go down that path. In fact, it’ll do more harm than good.
What has been your experience with the "what if" game? Comment below. And as always, I apprciate you for sharing your stories with me.
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you!
The Top 10
Here you will find my most popular posts for easier discovery.
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Effects of Emotional Abuse
Emotionally Abusive Behaviors
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Going No Contact: A List Of What To Do And What Not To Do
An Open Letter To All Survivors Who Just Got Out Of An Abusive Situation
The Great Manipulator
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The content of this site is told from the blog author/owner's personal experience of dealing with a male Narcissist. Narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths are both male and female, and come from all walks of life. Furthermore, the content contained herein is not intended to be a replacement for medical or legal counsel. This blog's sole purpose is to provide support to those who have endured Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse.