If you are a member of Facebook groups like I am, you'll likely be aware that Facebook groups are split into three categories - public/open, closed, and secret.
If you are reading this blog post, chances are you are a Narcissistic Abuse survivor. You may be a member of several Facebook support groups. Some of these support groups are both closed and secret. There has been cause for concern in these closed and secret groups that posts and comments can be seen by non-members. I totally understand this concern. You may not want your NX to see what you post in the groups you belong to.
So to ensure you stay safe, my warrior survivor friends, I hope the following will help you feel safer.
Defining open, closed and secret groups 1. Open Groups Open groups are public. This means non-members can see not only who is in the group, but all posts, files, documents, and pictures as well. 2. Closed groups Closed groups only show who is in the group. No posts can be seen. Simply put, members are public, so people can see which friends are in the group. But all content, files, pictures, documents, and posts are only visible to the members in that group. 3. Secret groups A secret group is NON-SEARCHABLE on Facebook. Non-members cannot find the groups on Facebook. They can only be invited in by current members. See the photo below for a simple explanation.
You, as a member of a closed or secret group, CAN see posts from the group in your OWN news feed. These posts do NOT appear on your Facebook wall! Your Facebook friends should not be able to see specific posts in these closed or secret groups.
So to review: Secret/private groups CANNOT BE FOUND on Facebook by a search. It is NON-SEARCHABLE. Defining an open/public PAGE: There also seems to be confusion amongst survivors about what a fan page is versus what a group is. Ever since I started the Facebook page of this same name, I have had quite a number of people ask if it's a group and if others can see what is posted. Let's clear this one up. Below are 2 photos. One shows the word "joined," which appears when you JOIN a group. The other shows the word "liked," which appears when you LIKE a public fan page. If you see the word "joined," you are in a group. If you see the word "liked," then you have liked an open/public Facebook fan page. There are ways, however, to cut down on even seeing it in your own news feed, and ways to tighten your settings. So bear with me, as this may be long. 1. Go to group info. 2. Go to notification settings. 3. Select off. 4. Go back to the group's main page. 5. You see where it says "joined"? 6. Click on the word joined. 7. Select unfollow. The group's posts will no longer show up in your news feed. You will need to manually go to the group every time to see posts. 8. Go to your account settings. 9. Click privacy. THIS NEXT STEP IS VITAL... 10. If you are on your phone, under "who can see my stuff," just select "who can see the people, pages and lists you follow." Make sure it says "ONLY ME." (THIS IS IMPORTANT......any page or person you follow and comment on WILL be seen by your friends in their news feeds if it says anything other than "only me.")
11. Make sure you are not allowing search engines to link to your profile.
12. To control what YOU post on your own timeline (whether it is a photo, a status update, sharing a video or link).... You can categorize those on your friends list into groups. For example, I have several people who are on my friends list who I categorize as "acquaintances." Then, when I go to post a status update or a photo, or share a link or video and I DON'T want them seeing that particular post, I click on the little drop down box and select "friends except acquaintances." (See photo below.)
13. And lastly......this is also VERY important......
To further tighten your privacy settings on your OWN page, you NEED to do this part on a laptop or desktop computer, NOT your phone (as this option is not available on a phone...I've tried). You need to change the audience for EVERY group or page liked to "only me." First, go to your profile (not your news feed). Then, click on "About." That will bring up all the things about you. Scroll to the "Likes" section. Do you see the edit pencil? (See photo below.) Click on that edit pencil.
Then, click on "Edit Privacy of Your Likes." In the below photo, do you see how I was in the process of changing them to "only me"? (The "only me" is indicated by the padlock symbol.) See how the first few are changed? But the rest are "friends except acquaintances." I changed all of them to "only me."
So what if you don't want anyone but your friends to comment on your profile photo and your cover photo, as well as commenting on anything that you DO post public? You're in luck!
If you don't want anyone to comment on your profile picture OR your cover photo (on your personal page), I suggest you do the following (and please keep in mind, this also must be done on a laptop or desktop computer, as this also is not able to be done on a smartphone): On a desktop, go to your settings. Then click on "Public Posts." You will see the photo below. Make sure that the "Public Post Comments" is set to "Friends." That is the tightest setting you can have on this section. Then, make sure the "Public Profile Info" is set to "Friends." This also is the tightest setting that you can have on this section.
Okay, my warrior survivor friends. I hope the above changes you make to your Facebook privacy settings will help alleviate some of your concerns about what the Narcissists can't see on your Facebook page. If you have any questions or concerns, you can always comment below or message me on my Facebook page. Just click the "F" icon at the top of this page!
17 Comments
Rita
1/12/2017 08:43:08 pm
My ex keeps making up fake profiles to stalk my fb. He comments on these even though he is blocked. How do i see the people who have checked me out?
Reply
Jenn
1/12/2017 08:51:38 pm
Rita.....I wish I knew of a way to view those who view your profile. LinkedIn has that capability, though. Just keep your posts to "friends only" or "friends except acquaintances." Don't ever post anything public. Someone who is not friends with you on Facebook cannot see anything that is not set to "public." Keep all of you lists, groups, friends lists, and such viewable to "only me".....that way, even your friends can't even see that information. I hope this helps.
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Vic
12/20/2017 07:59:30 pm
Help
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Julianna
12/20/2017 08:03:26 pm
What exactly do you need help with? It's a very detailed blog that gives step by step instructions.
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Rina banger
7/9/2017 08:02:47 am
Reply
Diane Ford
8/28/2017 02:58:10 am
Julianna
Reply
Mary Stine
9/21/2017 12:16:12 am
Could my friends see something I posted on the Secret Facebook page before I changed my setting to "Only Me" as instructed in #10 above ?
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Jenn
11/27/2021 06:43:00 am
On a secret Facebook group, no. Because it's secret. A secret page, as described in the blog above, means it's not searchable on Facebook. In a private group, it just means that while the membership list of people are visible to everyone, only group members can see what is posted. I always suggest tightening your security settings on Facebook to the tightest possible to ensure your privacy. Hope that helps.
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Katherine Kubinski
11/9/2018 12:05:54 pm
Thank-you for this info!!! It helps so much!!!
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Martha WB
5/12/2019 09:50:03 am
On a public page, that I have liked, such as this one, would my friends also need to "like" the page in order to see the posts in it? Or does every post in the narcissistic and emotional abuse site that I post just appear in all of my friends' feeds? I was thinking they'd have to like the page too in order to see the content in their feed?
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Julianna
11/28/2019 05:53:56 am
Hi Martha. No, this is not like social media at all where your friends have to like a page to see it in their news feed. If they know you comment on this blog, then yes, they can see it. This is a public blog where anyone can see comments once approved by the blog owner. This blog referring to your security settings is in regards to Facebook.
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Amy
4/21/2020 08:07:42 am
Thank you SO much for this info!! This is amazing, I never knew you could do all that. Sometimes I don’t comment on things because I’m afraid “someone” will see it. My family has so many narcs it’s unbelievable. So much so. I’m considering getting a bumper sticker that says “have you hugged your narcissist today?”!
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Yvette Shelley
4/12/2021 01:39:01 pm
How can I join the group rather than just like? After reading the info from this group I now am starting to realize I’m not crazy and there are others who understand what life with a NA is like. I’m actually crying here from some relief. I do not know how this info showed up in my fb feed but let me tell you it is a God send.
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Jenn
11/27/2021 06:47:33 am
As explained in the blog above, there's a difference between pages and groups. If you see the word "like" then it's a public page. If you see the word "joined" then it's a group. There is a private group we have though, and you can find it here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/191053664971647
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Mags
10/19/2021 12:34:57 am
Thank you so very very much I really appreciate it. I had no clue how to do all of this. You are a star 🌟 sending you love and brightest blessings 🏴🦄💫
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna Jen, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you! Archives
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