This is a topic that has come up often. How can you be kind to yourself after the Narcissist? I mean, I know all I wanted to do was to curl up in a ball and hide under the covers. How do you begin to move on after the Narcissist? What steps can you take to begin to heal?
Many people don’t know where to begin. Everything is in a huge ball of confusion. I know...I’ve been there and I’ve felt that.
How do you begin to move on? Moving on is a term that seems so cliché. But really, it’s all about how to be kind to yourself and learn to love yourself again. Because, I know I hated myself and who I was when I was with my NX. I hated who I became. What I turned into. Learning to love yourself again is a huge step for many. I felt like I didn’t deserve to be happy in a relationship. That I would find someone to love me for me, and not mold me into what the person wanted me to be. I didn’t think I deserved to be in a happy and healthy relationship…..with anyone (friend, family, romantic relationship, etc). My NX had conditioned me to doubt myself. Doubt my innermost thoughts and feelings. Doubt my decisions, perceptions and convictions. What steps can you take to begin to heal? Before getting involved in any kind of new relationship, you really need to learn to love yourself again. Forgiving yourself is a HUGE step towards healing. But how can you forgive yourself? I got myself into therapy. Finding the right therapist can be a daunting task. I highly recommend finding one who specializes in assisting victims of emotional abuse. If you are a woman seeking therapy, do some research to find out if there are any women’s crisis centers in your area. I am thankful that there is one in the city where I currently live. In my blog Healing After The Narc, I discussed ways to help yourself heal after the Narcissist. Using these methods on a regular basis will aid in your recovery journey. Healing is an ongoing process. It’s like a checks and balances system. Every so often, you need to check in with yourself to see how you’re doing. So every few days, I contact some friends and check in with them. I volunteer almost every week at the animal shelter (it’s that “good for the soul” thing I mentioned), and I repeat daily affirmations to myself. It’s the little things that will begin to heal those cracks in your psyche that the Narcissist caused. The more the cracks are filled, the easier it’ll be to be kind to yourself. Maybe after a while, you can stop at the mall and treat yourself to your favorite meal in the food court. (My favorite is the chicken teriyaki dish at Sarku Japan!) Really be kind to yourself All of the above things I mentioned really do help is healing and recovery. But one thing that I must mention (as I did in the Healing After The Narc post), is to allow yourself time to grieve. That is a vital part to healing. Stuffing your feelings down and ignoring them will only serve to make things worse later on. Allow yourself time to cry or to get angry. Allowing yourself to feel the feelings is essential. If you break down and cry into your pillow, it’s okay! Bottom Line Being kind to yourself after the Narcissist is a process. It’s an up and down process. You’ll have bad days. You’ll have good days. And if on those bad days you want to cry, eat ice cream and watch movies all day, then do it. Allow yourself that. How are you kind to yourself? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories with me.
2 Comments
Ligi
12/6/2016 05:55:53 pm
Thanks Jennifer for sharing! Today is a second day of recovery from the relationship with NX of 10 years...very very difficult!
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Jenn
12/7/2016 08:58:50 pm
Ligi.....You're welcome. Wow 2 days Narc-free! Good for you! Have you seen my Facebook page of the same name as this blog? Just scroll to the top of this page and click the F icon to follow me there too. I post lots of helpful things in addition to things about healing and recovery.
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna Jen, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you! Archives
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