I get it. You were in love. You had built a life with the Narcissist. But you were dealt a huge blow when the Narcissist discarded you like yesterday’s garbage. Whether the discard was a week ago, a month ago, or a year ago, one thing is for sure. You can’t stop thinking about the Narcissist. But you want to. But how?
To Narcissists, you are nothing. You are nothing more than a means to an end for them. You are just a source of supply. A way for them to get their next high. Their next fix. Their next stepping stone to an already superior image.
The above paragraph can be incredibly difficult to digest. I get it. In the days and weeks (and months) following my discard, it was hard to grasp the reality of the situation. I couldn’t stop thinking about what he did to me. About the well-planned execution of his goal to eliminate me from my children’s lives. I consider myself an intelligent individual, so one of the repeated questions that kept coming up was, “How could this happen to me?”
No matter how hard I tried, I kept running my mind in circles. I was stuck in my pain. I was stuck in the fear and self-loathing. I was stuck in the abuse.
Anyone’s natural response to stop thinking about something is more thinking! How counterproductive is that? So what on earth can a person do then?
No one can force thoughts out of their mind. It’s impossible. So I realized the next best thing was to fill my mind with different things. Happier things. Calmer things. Things like learning a new craft or going on a nature hike.
It’s not a band-aid
That’s not to say that you’d be replacing your negative thoughts with more positive ones. That would just be putting a band-aid on a very deep wound. Because eventually, all that pent up emotion would come busting out of the band-aid and wreak havoc. No. You need to also heal your wounded soul, as well. And yes, that does require revisiting the wounds that the Narcissist inflicted upon you.
Ok wait. Doesn’t that require more thinking about the Narcissist? Indirectly, yes. But to heal your own wounds, you need to realize that these are your wounds. Take ownership of them. Your healing is not about the Narcissist. Your healing is about you. You are responsible for your own healing. No one else can do your healing for you – not your parents, not your friends and not a therapist. Sure, these people can aid in your journey by encouraging you and providing you with love and support. But only you can face your wounds head on.
How can you do that?
By doing deeper. By getting out of the viscous cycle of negativity the Narcissist inflicted. Get into your own soul and work on your inner parts that have been triggered. Work to heal those unhealed parts. Doing so will release your emotional pain and anguish. When the inner parts begin to heal, at that point you will start thinking about the Narcissist less and less.
What did you do get yourself to stop thinking about the Narcissist? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories with me.
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you!
The Top 10
Here you will find my most popular posts for easier discovery.
How Narcissists Make Sure You Never Solve Problems In A Relationship
The Fake Apology
How I Lost My Identity
Effects of Emotional Abuse
Emotionally Abusive Behaviors
Tightening Your Facebook Privacy Settings
Why You Should Never Defend Yourself Against The Narcissist's Smear Campaign
Going No Contact: A List Of What To Do And What Not To Do
An Open Letter To All Survivors Who Just Got Out Of An Abusive Situation
The Great Manipulator
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The content of this site is told from the blog author/owner's personal experience of dealing with a male Narcissist. Narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths are both male and female, and come from all walks of life. Furthermore, the content contained herein is not intended to be a replacement for medical or legal counsel. This blog's sole purpose is to provide support to those who have endured Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse.