There are never any good times with the Narcissist. The bitter truth of that statement stung me so deeply. What we were led to believe was all a lie. None of it was true. What we thought were good times was just smoke and mirrors.
The Narcissists lovebomb us and create the illusion that they are the answer to our prayers. They fabricate their environment to entice us into their world. We fall for them and we become so starry-eyed that we don’t see the truth behind the curtains.
How does the Narcissist do this?
By mirroring. Narcissists reflect back to you what they see, hear, and discover. They find out your dreams, your fears, your likes and dislikes. They create themselves to be the perfect mate for you. (Read my post on Mirroring for more information.)
Narcissists might show you their “fun” side and go with you on trips. They might lavish you with dinners at fancy restaurants. They will even go so far as to say that they love what you love and dislike what you dislike. You might think, “Wow, we have so much in common! We are soulmates!”
That’s exactly what the Narcissists want you to think. They need you to feel that there’s hope for a future with them. They pretend to want the same things you want.
The dream shatters
Little by little, the truth about the Narcissists will seep out into your daily lives. A put down here. An insult there. A rage incident one day. Then, pour on the charm the next day. It’s an up and down, back and forth game.
You will love with all of your heart. Your dream of a “happily ever after” will shatter. Your spirit will crumble into nothing. You will try harder and harder until there’s nothing left to give. Your pain feels like it’s crushing your heart.
You will wonder how you can get those good times back. Those fun times. The times where you laughed together, the times when the Narcissist looked upon you with adoring eyes. Your nightmare has only just begun. The Narcissists know that they set out to destroy their targets and when they see you crumble, they know they have won. They see you trying your utmost best to regain what was lost.
Why it’s just a dream
Those good times that you feel you can get back is really just an illusion. It’s all a fake persona that the Narcissists create. They do this to get you to fall for them. They need their Narcissistic Supply like a drug addict needs their next fix. (Read my post on Sources of Narcissistic Supply for more.)
I liken this dream world to the hologram decks that the Star Trek universe held. A character would open up a door and walk into a specialized room. They’d tell the computer system to create whatever it is that they wanted to see. Since they lived in space, the characters could tell the computer to create a simulation of the mountainous terrain of the Rocky Mountains so they could sit amongst nature and pretend to go rock climbing. Or create a simulation of being in a forest with birds chirping. The possibilities were endless.
It’s exactly like that with the Narcissists. They create a simulated life to live with you.
An innocence gone
Before my NX, I held a child-like innocence about the world. I thought everyone was good and loving. My NX destroyed that belief. No longer did I hold that child-like faith. No longer did I believe in storybook romantic happily ever after endings. I began to look upon the world with different eyes.
My innocent thinking radically changed. I wondered if I ever would find someone who would respect me. Instead of believing that everyone respects everyone, I now felt like it would be harder to find someone to respect me. Not everyone was good at heart. Not everyone has good intentions. Sometimes, people do have bad intentions. I learned that the hard way.
I also stopped wanting that storybook romance that every child dreams of. That dream of being “swept off your feet” was destroyed when my NX destroyed my spirit.
The wounds the Narcissists create never truly go away. Life as we know it has now become different whether we want it to or not. We are now forced to look upon the world with more scrutinizing eyes. How will we ever trust another person again?
What are your thoughts about the concept that there never are good times with the Narcissist? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you sharing your stories with me.
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you!
The Top 10
Here you will find my most popular posts for easier discovery.
How Narcissists Make Sure You Never Solve Problems In A Relationship
The Fake Apology
How I Lost My Identity
Effects of Emotional Abuse
Emotionally Abusive Behaviors
Tightening Your Facebook Privacy Settings
Why You Should Never Defend Yourself Against The Narcissist's Smear Campaign
Going No Contact: A List Of What To Do And What Not To Do
An Open Letter To All Survivors Who Just Got Out Of An Abusive Situation
The Great Manipulator
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The content of this site is told from the blog author/owner's personal experience of dealing with a male Narcissist. Narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths are both male and female, and come from all walks of life. Furthermore, the content contained herein is not intended to be a replacement for medical or legal counsel. This blog's sole purpose is to provide support to those who have endured Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse.