There will come a time when the children WILL see the Narcissists for what they are. But how can we be so sure? We will often ask ourselves WHEN will the children see? When will we be vindicated?
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All domestic violence survivors have been blamed for the abuse countless times by their abusers. So much so, that the survivors begin to believe that they are the cause of what’s happened to them. Even once they are out of the situation, their own brain continues this cycle of self-blame. What is self-blame and what are ways that survivors can overcome it?
Language is at the core of what we are as a society. It’s how we communicate our wants and needs. Sometimes, using a slightly different word to convey something can wind up giving a whole different meaning to that thing we are talking about. When we talk about something as serious as domestic violence, sometimes we use language that doesn’t carry significance and thus, the situation is downplayed.
Narcissists build their whole world around lying. So much of what they tell everyone is a lie. They may remember specific events, but exactly what happened and exactly what was said at these events is greatly embellished. That's the one thing to keep in mind as you move along your healing journey - Narcissists will lie.
Children are astute observers. So much so, that much of the time, we adults don't give them enough credit. They see more and hear more than we think.
With that said, the children born of an abusive relationship will never see healthy behaviors modeled for them. They will not see what a true relationship is supposed to be like. This is why in the aftermath of a domestic violence situation, it’s imperative for survivors to show their children that it is possible to have healthy relationships by modeling healthy behaviors.
Have you noticed that the Narcissist treats their new supply sources quite differently than they are currently treating you? I did. Have you thought there was something wrong with you because of that? I did.
Let me be the first to say that no, there is NOTHING wrong with you. There is everything wrong though with the Narcissist.
When I was first in my healing journey, I often found myself asking why the NX did certain things in certain time frames and in certain manners. Why did certain things happen every so often?
I discovered it's because of a Narcissist's behavioral patterns. They operate in a cyclical manner, coming back around to behaviors, words, phrases, and tactics they think work in their favor.
Narcissistic abusers have children, not out of love, but purely for the purpose of having what is called "Narcissistic Supply."
Narcissists will always loudly proclaim what good people they think they are. It's ingrained in them to boast about such things because of their sense of superiority.
Navigating the rough waters that is divorce is hard enough when doing so with two normal healthy people. But it's exponentially more difficult when dealing with a Narcissist. This guest blog explores the difficulties a person can face when divorcing a Narcissist.
(Please note that this blog makes mention of the Facebook page Recovering from a relationship with a Narcissist - The Original. That page merged with FFNAEA in June 2017.)
Read the title of this article again. Let that sink in for just a moment.
Did you read it? Did you ask yourself why they wouldn't be nice? They certainly seem like they are. Did they change? Are they really acting sweet and nice?
Narcissists are typically characterized by having a grandiose sense of self-importance, a sense of entitlement, lack of empathy, and several other traits. Many times, though, Narcissists are not outwardly exhibiting these traits to the point of obviousness. Many Narcissists are covert in nature.
Narcissists don’t just have a one-size fits all strategy for grooming their targets. As a matter of fact, their approach is much more tailored to each different target they have. It’s much more personalized.
Have you ever wondered why you always feel so drained and weary when you are around the Narcissists? Have you wondered why you felt worn down to your very core? You can be sure that the Narcissists are at work.
If you’ve had a run-in with a Narcissist or two, chances are you’ve been witness to their know-it-all attitude. Why is it that they take on such a superior stance? Why do they consider themselves the authority on every subject?
Narcissists condition us to fear them. Fear of what they’ll say, what they’ll do. Fear of what might follow when they come home if we don’t obey their rules, their way of life. I lived this fear day in and day out. I lived in fear of how he’d react to something. Anything.
Normal healthy individuals view others (friends, partners, etc) as their allies. Narcissistic individuals, on the other hand, have a distorted perception of others. They feel that we are their enemies. They feel we are the evil ones.
Narcissists excel in mirroring others – how they act, how they speak, and even the words they use. It’s no wonder then that Narcissists can blend in so well. Narcissists are the epitome of charm, wit and popularity. So it stands to reason that so many are fooled by them.
When Narcissists enter into any kind of relationship (plutonic, romantic, etc), they are under the assumption that they own the other person. That they can do what they want to that person and not be held accountable. Narcissists are possessive and they don’t care for anyone who tries to break free from the possession.
In healthy human behavior, we account for our actions by accepting responsibility for them. We take ownership of our words and actions and make amends where we need to. However, with Narcissists, that is not the case. They will justify their behavior.
In normal healthy relationships, there is an equal give and take. An equal ebb and flow. But with Narcissists, nothing is normal. There is no give and take. There is no ebb and flow. In fact, Narcissists live by their own set of rules, while demanding another set of rules for their targets. This is the Narcissist’s double standard.
We will face several challenges as survivors of Narcissistic Abuse. One of those challenges is understanding the effects that our experience will have on other relationships in our lives. We will likely not have the same outlook towards those in our lives.
Part of the game that Narcissists play is to condition us to believe that we are at fault for all that goes wrong in the relationship. Whatever your relationship with the Narcissist is (parent, sibling, significant other), they will cause us to blame ourselves for their actions, our reactions and the downfall of the relationship. So how do we escape that self blame?
The words domestic violence carry with them a strong connotation of hurt, betrayal and pain. In this pain, survivors of DV know that their lives will never be the same again.
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna Jen, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you! Archives
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The content of this site is told from the blog author/owner's personal experience of dealing with a male Narcissist. Narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths are both male and female, and come from all walks of life. Furthermore, the content contained herein is not intended to be a replacement for medical or legal counsel. This blog's sole purpose is to provide support to those who have endured Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse.
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