We will face several challenges as survivors of Narcissistic Abuse. One of those challenges is understanding the effects that our experience will have on other relationships in our lives. We will likely not have the same outlook towards those in our lives.
That word should
Many people in our lives will no doubt have good enough intentions. But, the way they go about it leaves a lot to be desired. For instance, the word “should.” There can be people in our lives – most often family members – who will tell us what we should and shouldn’t be doing in our lives, or how we should heal.
I have had a few people in my life tell me precisely those things – that I should be doing something different with my life than what I was doing at the time.
The problem with telling us what we should be doing is that they just don’t know what it’s like to be in our situation. These people, or outsiders as I like to call them, have absolutely NO idea what we are going through because they have never experienced what we have. We are merely doing what we think we need to in order to just get by and not drown in the sea of despair.
If the Narcissist in your life is/was a significant other, then you are well aware of how it can keep haunting you when you have tried to move on to a new relationship. In the beginning, each reaction of mine was solely because I was experiencing PTSD knee-jerk reactions and assuming my then fiancé had the same underlying motives that my NX did. He (my then fiancé, and now husband) would look me in the eyes and say, “I am not him.”
Even years later, I still get the momentary twinges of the past when I feel like my husband is trying to tell me what I should do. (There’s that word should again!) It takes a lot of practice to retrain our minds to react differently in the aftermath of Narcissistic Abuse. We may feel like people are trying to tell us what to do. But, as my husband has said to me, not everyone is like the Narcissists. Not everyone is them. There are good people out there.
Current or new friendships
Sometimes, when we are in our healing journeys, we will hit rough patches with our friends. What I mean is this:
Say you and a friend have a disagreement. This friend holds steadfast to their belief and thinks they are right, and in that belief, unfriends you on Facebook. You know you didn’t do anything wrong, yet you email the person to apologize!
How is this the same as with the Narcissist?
Because with the Narcissist, we are conditioned to believe everything is our fault, and as such, we are always the ones apologizing. You run to your friend to apologize just to keep the peace, much in the same way you did with the Narcissist.
If the Narcissist in your life is/was a parent or significant other, then the effects can even spill into the relationship you have with your own children (if you have any).
“His abuse undermines her authority by its very nature. Children who see or hear their father belittle their mother, silence her, walk away and ignore her, or physically intimidate her, learn that such behaviors toward her are both acceptable and effective. Most children of abused women are aware that their father does these things even if the parents don’t think they know.”
The Narcissist will wind up convincing the children that you are unstable or crazy, thereby further damaging the relationship with your children. I remember my NX telling my daughter (who was 3 at the time), “Mommy is sick in the head and that’s why she went away. To get better.”
Nothing is going to be the same after we get out of our situations. There is going to be residual effects. And these effects can damage our healing journey. But it is up to us to say just how our healing journeys will go. We need to not just nurture ourselves in our healing journey, but also our relationships with others so that we can continue to survive AND thrive post Narcissistic Abuse.
What have been your experiences with the effects that Narcissistic Abuse has on your relationships with others? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories with me.
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you!
The Top 10
Here you will find my most popular posts for easier discovery.
How Narcissists Make Sure You Never Solve Problems In A Relationship
Tightening Your Facebook Privacy Settings
How I Lost My Identity
The Fake Apology
Effects of Emotional Abuse
Why You Should Never Defend Yourself Against The Narcissist's Smear Campaign
Emotionally Abusive Behaviors
Going No Contact: A List Of What To Do And What Not To Do
An Open Letter To All Survivors Who Just Got Out Of An Abusive Situation
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The content of this site is told from the blog author/owner's personal experience of dealing with a male Narcissist. Narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths are both male and female, and come from all walks of life. Furthermore, the content contained herein is not intended to be a replacement for medical or legal counsel. This blog's sole purpose is to provide support to those who have endured Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse.