Part of the game that Narcissists play is to condition us to believe that we are at fault for all that goes wrong in the relationship. Whatever your relationship with the Narcissist is (parent, sibling, significant other), they will cause us to blame ourselves for their actions, our reactions and the downfall of the relationship. So how do we escape that self blame?
Our healing journeys are a rollercoaster ride full of peaks and valleys. Our emotions will be all over the place. We will want to hide from the world because of the guilt and shame we harbor. So it stands to reason that part of this messy journey is holding onto the self blame.
There is a way to escape all of that, though. And it will take a lot of work on our parts.
Like Yoda so wisely said, “You must unlearn what you have learned.” What did he mean by this? As humans, we are conditioned to know and understand things about the world. However, more often than not, what we think we know is incorrect.
What we think we know. Let that sink in just a moment.
The Narcissists told us what to know and understand. They conditioned us to believe the worst about ourselves, about our feelings, about our emotions. About the world around us. So of course, we are going to know something different. We are going to know what the Narcissists want us to know.
And all of that is incorrect. All that the Narcissists have told us is wrong. You are not what they say you are.
You CAN escape this thought process. You CAN retrain your mind to think different thoughts. To believe different thoughts.
The Narcissists want us to believe that we are to blame for their actions. Let me clear about something – You are NOT to blame for someone else’s actions or inactions. What other people do or don’t do is THEIR choice.
To escape that way of thinking, survivors just simply need to retrain their mind with more positive thoughts. Thoughts like, “I am not to blame” or “I cannot control another person’s actions.” Begin to talk more positively to yourself and your mind will turn itself around in due time.
You can escape the self blame. It will just take time and patience. Time, because healing is an ongoing process that does not need to be rushed. And patience, because we need to be gentle with ourselves in our healing journeys.
What has been your experience with escaping the self blame? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories with me.
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you!
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Here you will find my most popular posts for easier discovery.
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Effects of Emotional Abuse
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Emotionally Abusive Behaviors
Going No Contact: A List Of What To Do And What Not To Do
An Open Letter To All Survivors Who Just Got Out Of An Abusive Situation
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The content of this site is told from the blog author/owner's personal experience of dealing with a male Narcissist. Narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths are both male and female, and come from all walks of life. Furthermore, the content contained herein is not intended to be a replacement for medical or legal counsel. This blog's sole purpose is to provide support to those who have endured Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse.