The title of this blog post is a very loaded question. And one that cannot be answered simply. Many won't like the answer, particularly if they have loved the Narcissist for years.
If it was that simple, I'd just say no, a Narcissist cannot love anyone but themselves. But it's a lot more complicated than that. Read on.
What you know and understand about love is not the same as what a Narcissist interprets as love. Real love is a give and take, a deep connection with another person, and a realness to deal with every day issues.
Everything is Different With a Narcissist, everything is different. Narcissists have only one agenda - to use people in any way, shape or form to get what they want. This includes family members, colleagues, teachers, or anyone they come across. Everyone has a specific role in the Narc's eyes. The Narc has no respect for anyone's thoughts or feelings, and therefore cannot respect other people's ideas or feel empathy for them. As such, it is not possible to have a deep and meaningful relationship with a Narcissist. The moment you bring up any grievance or issue to discuss, the Narc will be quick to dump it all back onto you. It's your fault, you are the reason he had a bad day, why can't you do anything right. He will deflect the issues. He will manipulate the situation and make it seem like it's your fault. (See my post The Great Manipulator for more on manipulation tactics.) But Briefly Oh, for a brief period, the Narcissist will act like he loves you. That you are the greatest thing since sliced bread. That he's never felt that way before. He's mirroring you, and there's a reason for that. (Read my post on Mirroring.) But make no mistake, it will change. Once you begin to question his behaviors or have your own needs in the relationship, he will begin to unravel and show you his true colors. A Narcissist lacks emotional maturity, so he cannot comprehend or provide the depth of what a true relationship entails.
The Ugly Truth
It took me a VERY long time to come to terms with this next truth. Narcissists do not and will never love their children. The Narcissist gets all the love he'll ever need from himself. It is a very sad truth. You might even get angry about it. I did. The children are just a source of supply for him (see my post on Sources of Narcissistic Supply). The children are seen as a mere status symbol. The Narcissist will use the children to appear to be the perfect family man. By the same token, the Narc will also take credit for the child's accomplishments. My NX eats up any chance he can to say he's the reason my daughter received a perfect score on a spelling test, or the reason my son was the recipient of a student of the month award. The Narc also uses his "power" as the parent to intimidate, threaten, shock, impress, inspire or manipulate the children. He will use this "power" to assert his position whenever he feels the children show any sign of independence or autonomy, or when the children begin to stand up for themselves. The Narc reduces the children as mere objects. To feel any kind of real love is to show vulnerability. And a Narc can't have that. The Bottom Line Narcissists are incapable of loving anyone except themselves. In fact, loving themselves is even a stretch. They are so insecure and full of hatred towards themselves, that they project the appearance of not only loving themselves, but others as well. It's a mask that he wears well. Until the mask starts to slip. What has been your experience with a Narc? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you sharing your stories with me.
2 Comments
harpreet kaur
8/3/2016 12:06:15 pm
Hi, your article has opened my eyes, thanks. Thank God ,if I would have not been strong, living with narcissist person would have been difficult.
Reply
Jenn
8/3/2016 12:23:36 pm
Harpreet.....I'm glad you found my blog. More importantly, it sounds like you got away from the Narc. So good for you. As for your question, I have heard of extreme cases. But, for more on that topic, I suggest reasearching Google further, or ask a therapist for statistics. I will be thinking of you. Hang in there.
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna Jen, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you! Archives
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