Have you ever dreaded the holiday season? If you are or were with a Narcissist, it's no surprise. Narcs set out to destroy all that you love about this special time of year.
For many people, the holiday season begins in October with Halloween. You wait with anticipation to begin decorating the home. What about the hectic nature of planning parties, or shopping trips to the mall? We prepare for Thanksgiving. I know I look forward to making my special sweet potato dish and homemade cranberry sauce each year! Then we either prepare for Christmas, Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa. I grew up in a dual-faith household, so I grew up celebrating both Christmas and Hanukkah. Then comes the anticipation of ringing in the new year with friends and family.
So why is it then that Narcissists create such chaos during these happy times? You may recall in my post What Is A Narcissist, I discussed several of their characteristics, including their grandiose sense of self and their feelings of entitlement.
It is in a Narcissist's nature to be the center of attention. They crave it. They must have it at all costs. They can't sit back and let you or anyone else smile and have a good time during the holidays or other special occasions. They can't have you (their favorite target) being the recipient of other people's affections! So they divert attention away from you and onto them.
How do they divert attention away from you and onto them? They create drama.
Like a drug addict going through withdrawal, Narcissists will do whatever it takes to obtain what they are craving. They must have the attention. If it's a birthday party for your child, the Narcissist will somehow make it all about themselves.
I remember my NX created such drama on my daughter's first birthday party in 2007. He was just returning from field training and was upset that I had planned the party so soon after his return. He and I argued about it, of course. He "cautioned" me to behave in front of his military buddies at the park. He even hated me doting on my daughter at the park (because someone else was the center of attention). He didn't like that I wasn't kowtowing to his every whim, so he informed everyone the party would conclude at the house. (He claimed the moving of the party to the house was because it was quite windy out.) Then he created further drama when he was displeased that I cut the cake before Happy Birthday was sung.
It was a party for my daughter, yet he had everyone talking to him. Only one other person (out of about 15 in attendance) sang Happy Birthday with me. Everyone else had been focused on the NX.
Narcissists are unable to feel the true joy that is associated with the holiday season. They are keenly aware though that it's a time to cause others pain and anguish.
"Beware the party planning Somatic Narcissist as well. They will be the first to step up to the plate to take over your special event planning for dinner parties, special events, holidays, and birthdays in an attempt to make themselves — rather than any special guest or group empathy being shared — look great. There is no sincerity in the desire to honor… only to be the star even when it is not their own special commemorative date."
The above quote is VERY true, especially of my ex-mother-in-law (XMIL), who is a Narc too. (I have no doubt that's how my NX learned to be one!) For my baby shower I had for my daughter in April 2006, my good friend at the time was supposed to be the one throwing the party for me. But my XMIL took COMPLETE control of the event....from where it was held, to purchasing party decorations, to getting there hours early to set everything up so my friend couldn't help at all. She also made sure to pick out the best table for HER family members to sit at, leaving my family at tables in the back. She also made a point to announce to everyone who came in that she had set up the room.
My NX never created drama on the day of my baby shower. He left that up to the Queen Bee.....his Narc mom!
Did the Narcissist in your life ruin a holiday or special occasion? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories with me.
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you!
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