Knowing what I know about Narcissists, and knowing what I know about my NX, I have been wondering if either of my children will become a Narcissist. It’s a valid concern for survivors who have children with the Narcissist.
Will they or won’t they?
I’d like to be able to answer that they won’t. There is nothing I can do to negate the NX’s influence on the children. After all, he does have full custody of them. So they are fully exposed to his repertoire of tactics. I have even seen firsthand some of the ways the NX has employed the use of a few of these tactics.
I can only pray that my children will grow up and be able to see the truth for themselves. To be able to spot those red flags. To be able to learn the characteristics. To learn how to properly cope with their day to day dealings with their father.
On the plus side
There is a bright side to my children living with the NX. Should they learn what he is when they get older, they can better be able to spot Narcissists in the future. To be able to cope with them much better if they had not had a Narcissist for a father.
How can I prevent it?
Well, you can’t. You can’t prevent your child from picking up the Narcissist’s behaviors. It’s just a fact from living with one that they will eventually pick up on certain Narcissitic behaviors. It’s inevitable.
What you can do
There are a number of things, though, that you can do to let the children know that they don’t need to resort to acting like the Narcissistic parent.
The key is providing continual parental warmth. Let the children feel your love. Humans are creatures of sight and sound, so it stands to reason that children need to not just hear the words “I love you,” but they also need to feel that you love them.
You can also temper your willingness to give the children what they want with the “I couldn’t get it this time” kind of speech. Children need to learn that they can’t get everything they want in life. They typically want everything they see. Even my children have pulled the “Oh can you buy this for me, Mommy?” every time we walk into a store. When I’ve had them for visits, I’ve given them limits. I’ve said, “Pick out 3 things each and let’s see what it all costs.” Saying things like that gives the children the ability to think and make decisions for themselves. If they end up having 5 things in their hands, you can ask them what 3 things do they want the most. That puts the decision in their hands instead of you saying no.
Above all, show kindness to all who cross your path. Whenever I am with my children during a visit, I am kind and gracious to those we meet. The girl at the foodstore checkout. The ticket taker at the movie theater. The server at the restaurant. When children see you being kind to others, they are more likely to emulate those actions. Children are astute observers. They are more apt to remember what you are than what you try to teach them. Your children will notice the differences in the way you act and the way the Narcissistic parent acts. And when you continue to show them (and others) kindness, the children are less likely to turn into Narcissists.
What are your thoughts? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you sharing your stories with me.
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you!
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The content of this site is told from the blog author/owner's personal experience of dealing with a male Narcissist. Narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths are both male and female, and come from all walks of life. Furthermore, the content contained herein is not intended to be a replacement for medical or legal counsel. This blog's sole purpose is to provide support to those who have endured Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse.