Narcissists need for us to be a certain way in order to maintain their hold on us. In order to keep us from gaining insight, knowledge and freedom. They don’t want us to know the truth, so they need for us to be in a constant state of fear.
And that’s the thing.
Narcissists use a constant barrage of putdowns, intimidation tactics, manipulation, minimizing, and more in order to keep us fearful. Their aim is to scare us into silence.
But why would they want us this way?
Because if we fear them, we will not stand up for ourselves or want to discover the truth. We will always stay conditioned to accept what they dish out. We will be filled with doubt and guilt.
Doubt and guilt. Let that sink in a moment.
Narcissists want us to be filled with doubt, guilt, shame and humiliation. In their eyes, when we feel these things, we stay compliant to their conditioning. They want us to remain in such a state because then we won’t build up the courage to discover the truth about what they truly are.
When we are filled with such fear, guilt and shame, we are recoiling into a ball of embarrassment over the abuse. We fear that others will blame us for what happened.
That constant state of fear is driven in deeper as the Narcissists continually point out to us that they’d “go public” with what you did or said. The Narcissists condition us to believe that the exposure of the abuse will cause us a great deal of embarrassment. So they hold it over our heads and continually threaten us with telling everyone.
We can also feel this fear because the Narcissists drill it into us that we cannot survive without them. That without them, we’d be nothing. That we are nothing. That no one else would want us. That no one would believe us.
This fear of being alone can keep us bonded to the Narcissist. We cling to what we know. And the Narcissist is what we know.
We feel shame over the private information we told them. They are so clever in the beginning. They get us talking about ourselves. They extract information from us to use against us later. Then when it comes time to toss it back in our faces later, they may say, “Well you willingly told things to me. I didn’t hold a gun to your head. You did that all on your own.”
This shame sticks with us. We don’t want the world to know things we said or did. We become fearful that the truth about what happened will get out and then the shame consumes us.
Therein lies the Narcissist’s success in keeping us in a constant state of fear. It all boils down to the Narcissist not wanting the truth about them exposed. They will do whatever it takes to keep us down and out. To keep us silent.
What has the Narcissist in your life done to keep you fearful? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories with me.
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you!
The Top 10
Here you will find my most popular posts for easier discovery.
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Effects of Emotional Abuse
Emotionally Abusive Behaviors
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Going No Contact: A List Of What To Do And What Not To Do
An Open Letter To All Survivors Who Just Got Out Of An Abusive Situation
The Great Manipulator
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The content of this site is told from the blog author/owner's personal experience of dealing with a male Narcissist. Narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths are both male and female, and come from all walks of life. Furthermore, the content contained herein is not intended to be a replacement for medical or legal counsel. This blog's sole purpose is to provide support to those who have endured Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse.