Narcissists don’t want us to heal. They don’t want us to move forward in life. They don’t want us to recover. This is precisely why they will come back around even after the discard. Don’t think that they are done with you when the discard occurs. Because they always come back around.
They don’t want us to heal
The Narcissists return because they don’t want us to heal. They may call, text, email or contact us via Facebook to reminisce about the good times. They may say how they used to have such fun with you. They want us to continue to pine away for them. They want us to think about perhaps taking them back for another chance. Or they may even contact us to tell us about a new perfect love that they found, one that they never found with us and that they are so happy with the new person. They may also post on their social media accounts about this new found love and how so deeply in love they are. Their posts might also include photos of a “loving” family. These are attempts at getting us to remain uneasy, to keep us in an anxious state of mind, and to get us to think, “What was wrong with me that I couldn’t make them happy?” They will claim this new love has changed them into a better person. Perfectly timed These appearances in our lives are perfectly timed. Often, the Narcissists have a sense of when we are healing well. Or are beginning to be happy again in our lives. That’s when they make their appearance. If it’s not to woo us back, they pick a fight by reminding us that we are the unstable ones or putting us down with some verbal jabs. These perfectly timed appearances condition us to expect them back. I have mentioned in many of my posts on the Facebook page of this blog’s same name that it’s a pattern with them. Narcissists are creatures of habit and will come back around every few months (or in some cases, every few years). My NX will ignore me for months, then email me under the guise of talking about the children. The latest was a discussion on if I could afford to see the children this year. Three times I said no, I couldn’t afford it and that if I had been told sooner, that perhaps I could have had more of a chance to properly save and schedule the correct time off from work. When he saw that I was saying no, he changed gears and began to insult me for asking to speak to my children via Skype or a phone call. That email exchange happened over the course of a few days. I had suspected that I wouldn’t hear from my NX again for at least another 2 months. His timing is like clockwork. It’s about every few months with him. Their logic Narcissists intend for us to keep us guessing. They think if we can anticipate their return that we’ll always be on the edge of hope that maybe, just maybe, we can get back together with them. That maybe we can give it another try. Even if we are in another relationship when these returns happen, the Narcissists won’t care. They will still hoover us and lovebomb us. Their aim is to keep our head spinning. Their logic stems from the sole purpose of wanting us to never move on and heal. “As convincing as it may seem, this is simply your Ex trying to hoover you back into a toxic relationship with them. Every single action employed by the Narcissist stems from a pathological need to control others”
Returns are not random
The Narcissists’ returns are never random. They always do things with a purpose. They are cunning toxic individuals who aim to destroy our souls. They always have an underlying MO (modus operadi), or method of operation. For a while, my NX was offering to pay for me to move closer to the children. Every month or so, he’d ask again. And every time, I said no. You see, it’s a Narcissist’s job to get us back under their control somehow, even if they were the ones who did the discarding. They don’t like to ever truly let go of their supply sources! My NX was under the assumption that I’d take a “free” trip out to where they were living. I knew better than to let myself get anywhere NEAR him again, unless it was for a scheduled visit with the children. Yes, Narcissists do everything with a purpose. I surmise that my NX regularly asked me to move closer to the children to paint me in a bad light if he ever took me to court. (For what purpose he’d take me to court, I have no idea. He already has full custody!) Bottom line Narcissists will always come back. Don’t be fooled into thinking they are gone forever when they discard you. Their goal is to make sure they are always in our lives in one form or fashion. They are creatures of habit. They will form a pattern of returning, whether it’s every few weeks or every few months. The best way to handle them is to go completely No Contact. See my post Going No Contact: A List Of What To Do And What Not To Do for more information. Have you had experience with a Narcissist returning? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories with me.
82 Comments
LaLa
3/21/2018 01:16:33 pm
So many of us were devestated they left a beloved pet and cannot wrap our minds around them doing that. We have to remember they left US and they walk away their children. Of course they leave a dog. They'll also use the same dog to hoover you *I miss Fido. "Can I stop by and see him a few minutes. You won't even know I'm there...."
Reply
Sandy
5/12/2021 11:13:02 am
My beautiful well - educated medical doctor covert narcissist ex dumped me twice previously before the 'big one' which came as a total surprise considering we had recently become engaged and had our future planned together. The dumping came without any warning or prior argument and was done via text message followed by her blocking me on all lines of communication. There was zero explanation. She followed this up by taking advantage of my absence overseas and using her key to enter my home and remove all things hers and ours and many things mine including the only gift she ever gave namely a picture of the two of us together. I felt like I had been run over by a truck or, arguably an ambulance given that she is a medical professional.
Reply
Narc
12/30/2022 08:26:47 am
Well my next came back over and over it just got worse specially the 2nd last day was so violent and it said I will be back over and over again with threats, so I presume he will be back it's at its parents done it before to them until kicked out it will fuck up again no where else to go so i presume it will be back no where to go and no women friends only me
Reply
Beth
9/24/2017 10:46:19 pm
I have experience my NX return, we live 1 block from each other , shop at the same store it was 10 months ago it ended, I have a restraining order against him of no contact, yet the police are not helping, talked to me at the store and sent bday card, thank you for sharing your story, I have moved on with a great guy who is on my side and support me. But will always have the watchful eye of the NX
Reply
Bobby D
11/3/2017 04:04:49 pm
My NX gf came back after I moved on but I was unaware she was a N. After reading so much on the subject, many traits of hers hit home. When I got upset, N said I was delusional. She started her old stuff again, keeping me at arms length until she wanted me, discrediting my endeavors, using me for favors. I exploded on her a couple of months ago. She called me a month ago and I told her how good things were going, and she started crying. They hate it when you do good. I will not answer her ever. I'm working out, have a new great job, fixing things at my house, enjoying friends again and seeing my kids a lot. I'm healing and its starting to feel good. I love me.
Reply
Carol
1/11/2018 02:27:13 pm
I lived with a Narc 21 years married and three common law I know exactly! His mother was a TOXIC bitch I could never figure her out but now I know a Narc! All three kids as adults have sociopathetic problems and two are also narcs!
Reply
Lisa
6/22/2018 07:32:19 am
You scenario sounds exactly like mine. Married 21 years. Mother is extremely toxic and narrcistic. She passed this on to 2 of her 3 children including my ex. Same yo yo until I figured out what a narc was.
Mary Rodgers
5/2/2018 10:45:44 pm
That's good news Bobby I started research on this and I'm exactly where you are and it does feel good to start enjoying life as it should be
Reply
Rosemarie Ifill
7/10/2018 06:47:41 am
Good for you...I pray u could be so strobg
Reply
Marvin k
11/15/2017 10:39:35 am
My narc discarded me 6 months ago because she said I was cheap and didn't like to spend money which in fact I wined and dined her very well..so she left saying nice knowing you and have a good life then blocked me on everything. We were together for 1 year..what do you guys think..will she try to return because I am very happy in a new relationship..just hope she stay away.what you guys think.
Reply
Carol
4/22/2018 11:15:33 pm
Yes your happy again a new relationship, she’s going to show up, she’s jealous!
Reply
My ex narc has been cheating with his new supply for 6 months when the new supply called me and informed me of their relationship. She explained she met him through her girlfriend with whom he was cheating with She felt special that she had stole him from her girlfriend knowing he was also in a relationship with me. She went on about how she drinks his pee I work nights so she went on about how he eats her everynight and when I call she is sitting right there. She also stated how he makes her lay down in the car when riding through certain neighborhoods. He denied her. But she sent pictures. She is so proud of her winnings with him. I’m devastated,embarrassed and angry.
Reply
Carol
1/11/2018 02:31:19 pm
Omg you are lucky that psycho is gone, drinks me? That is disgusting! My Narc was the opposite lousy in bed and very unnafectionate but not until after we had kids!
Reply
Sunshine
4/21/2018 03:13:58 am
My Narcissists was also lousy in bed and unaffectionate to the point I even thought he must be gay! He sucked
Carol
4/22/2018 11:18:30 pm
That is too funny the lack of intimacy you start to think they are gay? Then he got secretative in his cell, changing the password every three weeks my teen daughter figured it out!
nicole
12/24/2018 02:44:30 pm
I also thought my husband of 25 years was gay,or was born a woman in a mans body.i am relieved to hear others with the same story.
Wow I got 9 replies that let’s me know I’m not alone. Together we can do this. It just so happen that the replies came right after going complete non contact with the narc for 6 weeks. He then contacted who suppose to be my best friend and she told him all my business. That’s another story. She’s just a flying monkey trying to keep the door open for her own personal gain
Reply
6/4/2018 05:06:35 pm
I can totally understand. My ex narc s family was not associating with him and why. Now I Can see he probably used them too..
Jason hancock
3/8/2019 10:47:19 pm
My ex lied and used me to asking our house and my daughters dog getting her registered in her name only behind my back. Was also lacing my vape mod with heroine, drugging my nightly drink with melatonin so I would sleep through her other lover coming in downstairs as she slipped to see him in the living room, for me fired from my job. Then placed a protective order on me saying I’m abusive and lied to everyone saying it was all my fault she didn’t do anything she was innocent. I never have nor would touch a female in anger. And all this after I caught on to her lies and cheating so she had to get rid of me rather than look me in the face and move on to her next supply. She has never been diagnosed as a Narcissist but being she had used and abused me now twice coming back after the first time a year and a half later. I would assume from other comments this is what I have been dealing with and didn’t know. Could someone give advice and is it true they always come back? She has hacked my Facebook and email keeping tabs on me and now my devices. What is the best course of action. The police look at me like I’m crazy and take her side on everything like I’m the bad guy.
Rachel Simone
9/23/2019 04:47:28 pm
Yes they always creep back unfortunately. I have to say it took me at least 3 months of ruminating before I could come to realize what he had actually done to me. Call it ego, the lice of my family or God, but I just never let him completely destroy me when he obviously tried. He has hoovered several times since the breakup like he did during our 3 year destructionship, but I had to change. Like withdrawals, I was sick, nauseas and depressed for the first month. I prayed a lot and started making myself go to church even though I spoke to noone as if ashamed and in morning at tge same time. My head and emotions were so scrambled I had totally lost site of tge former beautiful confident woman I used to be. But time away, with no contact with the evil one helped me to realize what a screwball he was. They never stop contacting, what stops is as you do tge things for yourself that they Never did, like loving yourself, buying new clothes, shoes, reading, working out, enjoying your pet if you have one, spending time with friends and family, doing hobbies and all the things you love to do...you realize you never wanted that kind of relationship in tge first place...if you can be strong enough..and I could only do it with God, and last 5 months narc free you will not only feel a peace that passes all understanding, but you won't care what the Narc promises anymore, cause you will realize that everything they say is completely irrelavent and that you never "needed" them. You will realize that you are completely sick of their bs and lies and do not want to even give them their undeserved access to a single response from you. You will remember every time they set you up and lied to you. You will realize that being alone is okay, that you are safe and have the right to chose what company you keep or weather you want to relax in the bathtub, or listen to youre favorite music, or watch youre favorite tv show or pursue a new hobby. You will realize how they screwed youre head up and be angry after the sadness and self pity wanes, and after that you will work on doing things that make you feel better. The fear will go away and you will listen and enjoy the radio in youre car again. You will never fall for theirs or anyone elses crap ever again!!! I love you all, please know tgat God loves you and Jesus did not die on the cross for you to be captives to deception, but to be free to live and live life to the fullest!!! It took me 5 months I never will give this demon the time of day again. If I chose to stay alone that is my choice. I chose life not death.😁
Rosemarie Ifill
7/10/2018 06:49:48 am
He will contact you again like nothing never happened..just don't answer....he will be ying through his teeth
Reply
Rosemarie Ifill
10/1/2018 09:32:39 am
You will go through stages but you will be ok.They are users
Reply
Kelly
12/25/2017 12:27:10 pm
I punched mine in the face after a year of putting up with his sh*t. Pretty sure he won't be back. He's milking his victim card..... Telling everyone ***I'm*** the abusive one and I'm crazy. Whatever. He deserved it.
Reply
Carol
1/11/2018 02:32:15 pm
LOL, I know exactly about his shit, lol
Reply
Margie
3/14/2018 11:45:35 pm
Been there don’t that lol. All of the lies, manipulation, control, and bs led me to that place where I hit my ex also.
Reply
Carol
4/22/2018 11:21:41 pm
Yup I know all about the victim card mines playing that right now! Even the Canadian RCMP think I’m evil!😀
Reply
Rosemarie Ifill
7/28/2018 07:00:32 pm
I punch mine too...not you alone
Reply
Allison
12/27/2017 07:43:44 am
My ex psychopath will not leave me alone even tho he found new supply 1 week after I kicked him out. He’s making my life miserable. Every other day he begs me back then sleeps at her house at night. Then shows up at mine. We’ve only been broken up 6 weeks and he’s towchixlakh living with this girl he’s known 3 weeks cuzhe told me she makes a good living and he had researched it lol. Now he’s telling me to let him come home cuz she’s boring... also, was wondering why do u let a narc have full custody of your children ? Is that a healthy environment for them? You seem a little nonchalant about seeing them. No judgment just struck me as odd.
Reply
Devasted
12/29/2017 08:21:18 pm
Allison
Reply
Lisa
2/6/2018 11:27:29 pm
I was just discarded by my narcissistic boyfriend telling me he's just not feeling it anymore. I don't have proof but being a severe narc as he is I have suspicions he's been cheating on me for a few months now. It's hard for a normal person to understand the sociopathic mind of a true narc. We were a couple who did everything together snowmobiles boating rode Harleys together sports cars big trucks hung out in the pool cooked out hung at the firepit when on vacation hung out with each other running errands and doing dinner watching our favorite TV shows together we did everything together we were like best friends and in a heartbeat he turns on me and just isn't feeling it we were together for 5 years and I'm trying to figure out how this even happened that two people have so much in common and hung out as much as we did and it goes south I lost both of my parents recently within 4 months of each other and his family embraced me and made me part of their family. What he doesn't realize is that not only is he leaving but he's taking his family the only family that I have left from me along with his two daughters and five grandchildren who I don't get to spoil any longer because as everyone knows narcs don't do anything wrong and they have to conduct a smear campaign to make you look like the crazy one and of course because they're so Charming everyone believes them to be in the right and the victim to be in the wrong
Karen
1/2/2018 09:06:21 pm
I wondered the same thing it seems odd that you dont have the children.
Reply
Jules
2/20/2018 07:04:15 am
My nx has my son. He has been grooming him to hate me since birth. It was one of the reasons I left. What husband/father does that?!?! I have faith that my son will see the light one day. The only thing is, he is starting to act just like his dad. We will see.
B. Duck
2/20/2018 10:22:24 pm
Omg!!! That sounds EXACTLY like my narc!! She makes a good living, is boring..Does she "cook good" too and make espresso martinis? Omgg!!
Reply
Laura Stoney
1/7/2018 03:28:20 am
My narcasist ex got violent with me on the 26th after not contacting him for a week. I finally saw a comment he put on his facebook to one of his friends that he wants a friend to hang out with " female"he has been flirting with other women online and knows I see it. Constant fighting for 6 years. It's just gotten worse with the flirting calling me all kinds of names on his fb . Talking carp about me and his friends talking grap. Long story short on the 26 th. He told me he wanted a female friend to hang out with and not me because I bitch too much. When I started to get upset or say anything he would grab me by the front of my shirt and put his face into mine saying he's going to kill me. He grabbed me the last time and pushed my head into a cement wall. The police put a emergency protection order on him. Then on Jan 2nd He tried to have me served with restraining order papers at my job which I found out the next day Jan. 3rd he was denied in full.
Reply
Betrayed
1/9/2018 07:49:53 pm
My NX returns every 4 weeks, at least once a month he returns pretends he's sorry and acts like every thing is ok. I believe I was his sexual supply. He would return and provide insanely great sex. Previously I yriesovonv on but just couldn't be intimate with anyone else. Then he discards only to return in the next few weeks. When I realised what he was doing I felt like I've been sleeping with a monster. I am actually terrified of him. At the beginning of the relationship we talked all the time he was prince charming. Ppl are so messed up and they try to mess us up too. It's true, they don't want us to heal or move on.
Reply
Nora
2/4/2018 11:25:53 am
My narcissistic ex showed up in a party with another woman. I was shocked and couldn’t understand what was going on. I was shaking from anger to a point that I had to leave the party. I didn’t sleep that night. We had an argument few weeks before and although we didn’t speak for a few days, I thought that we had made up when he texted me few days before that party. He insisted that I come to that party!!
Reply
MzJ
6/9/2018 06:59:52 pm
I totally understand how you feel
Reply
Lisa
7/8/2018 08:56:52 am
I am so sorry to hear what he did to you.
Reply
Tricia
1/21/2019 09:46:10 am
All of you writing about how hard it is: Yes it's probably the hardest thing other than a death, and it sort of feels as if a death has occurred to some of us.
Reply
Tee
2/6/2018 12:18:34 pm
My narcissist has left me thinking it’s rhe end several times after a random silent treatment with no closure each timeZ we would be doin fine and he would start ignoring and it would last for at least a month. He would pop out the blue with a text or a late night drunk call. And we would be back on and it would only last for two months and repeat cycles. The last two times I left him. I thought he was gone for good each time. Two months later exactly he texted at 3 am to ask what I’m doing. He’s started to ignore me again a week ago and I demanded to know why he keeps coming back to waist my time and so asked if he was ready for a relationship and he took hours and finally replied that he has too much goin on. I want to block him. The last two months of silence he had me blocked because i found out he was cheating with about 5 other people.
Reply
Phil
2/16/2018 05:03:17 pm
My ex narcisstic girlfriend has always returned! Once after 2 years ! She only returned then because I started seeing someone! And she said she knew what she was doing for those 2 years! Keeping me there through text messages etc! And even said she thought it would take longer than 2 years! Then after that I left because I struggled with how could you not wanna see me for 2 years you come back and you say you love me! Wanna get married! Doesn’t make sense ! Then she came back again after 8/9 months! It’s been years and years of hell ! 12 years of being pushed away then pulled back again,I’ve been punched,slapped! Had my nose broken,car smashed up! There’s too much too mention!! Will she try and come back yet again!? Who’s knows!!! But maybe! It’s hell on Earth ! And they only seem to come back when your on the road to recovery and not when your hurting!
Reply
Alice
2/20/2018 09:17:54 am
Hi. I had to get a restraining order against my ex N. It’s been a year. I recently had a birthday and he has just contacted me from an unknown number. He’s asked to see me. He won’t admit it is him but I know it is as he’s given me clues. Once I realized he was him I stopped responding. He didn’t stop texting me and now I feel like I’m right back to where we started. This is the most stressful experience I’ve ever had and it is emotionally draining and depresses me. After a year of healing and finally feeling like myself again he just shows up and takes it all away. Good luck to all of you experiencing anything similar.
Reply
Betray candy
2/23/2018 09:58:24 pm
I was with my narc, for 14 years. When I was 20. -34 now. We been broke up for 2 years now! He cheated on me and had a baby on me! The other woman told me everything, and said she was looking for him cuz he disappeared! Will narcs ever get karma? I’m still healing. I haven’t talk to him ever since last year. Oct.
Reply
Heartbroken Jay
6/4/2018 02:54:35 am
I knew my NX for 6 years, I dated her back in 2012 and she cheated on me and belittled me, insulted me in the beginning I was her everything the love of her life and then she cheated and left me for a girl whom she dated for 3 years this girl abused her and cheated on her. Long story short I too my NX back 6 times and she cheated and lied and left me for the very same girl, everytime they had issues she would run back to me, completely destroy my self esteem, drain me leaving me broken and then cut me off cold completely by blocking me off from everything and insulting me calling me ugly,psycho and telling me she’ll never be with me again...I didn’t realise she was a narcissist until I did research I had no idea I wasn’t being abused. I kept blaming myself thinking what did I do wrong she has taken my friends and bad mouthed me to everyone. I kept thinking why is this so hard? Why does it drain me why am I so broken and now she’s back with that ex and I kept phoning her and messaging her only for her to insult me and belittle me and block me again..
Reply
Jhancock
3/8/2019 10:54:17 pm
I’m sorry for what all you went trough. Ironically I went through the same thing with my ex Narc and she took everything I had. Ironically the same time frame and years. Almost 14 years.
Reply
Stacie
2/24/2018 09:41:51 pm
I just came out of my second go around with the "dark one". This has been a nightmare rollercoaster from HELL!! I just can't wrap my head around someone being so completely detached from others. Creates a facade and very good at talking the talk. They can only walk the walk for a short time though, then that's when you see what you really have. Instead of feeling bad or guilty when some ugly about them is uncovered, they get pissed at you!! Then disappear as though you screwed up. Not enough Dramamine on the planet for this shit. Oh, and as Lisa from a post on here pointed out, "we were best friends". We did absolutely everything together. I have been reading a lot about narcissism and he really is a poster child for them. Feels like tar being removed.
Reply
Karen
3/21/2018 06:28:41 am
More than TWO years later...my life is finally on track again...and 'out of the blue' he sends me a sexual hook with my petname. I am stunned. Everything came back viscerally and i feel sick/nauseous. So i had a shower...and im going out for lunch and a massage. Im so not that person anymore!
Reply
Clarissa
3/29/2018 04:39:27 pm
The narcissist came back after three months of no contact. During that period I read everything I could find about narcissistic behavior the description fitted him like glove. I was doing great, healing and feeling happy... and the hoovering stared, I was naive I believed could handle it. How wrong!! he got me arrested in bogus charges, his witnesses was his new conquest who truly believed I’m the ex from hell. I have always been an upstanding citizen, respectful of the law, this nightmare that living now trying to clean my name, I don’t wished to anyone.
Reply
Chen
4/2/2018 05:38:16 am
After 10 toxic years, I’ve just realised that I’ve been narcissistically abused by the X Narc. 1st time I got discarded was in 2011, after finding out he’d shacked up with a younger woman whom he moved in with. He hoovered me a month later by ringing me, doing drive-bys at my home, leaving love notes on my car, and emailing me. 6 months later , he leaves the new girlfriend bc she falls pregnant & of course I take him back. GF has an abortion and is discarded by him. Fast forward to Jan 2018, I’ve been screwed over again, this time he’s with a much older woman. I started NC a week ago....I’m determined that I’m not going to be accepting this treatment any longer and I cannot wait for the Hoover techniques again bc I’m going to give him some “narcissistic injury” this time round! I’m slowly healing, I can eat now, and I am getting back into the normalcy of life ,,, you will too💚
Reply
Sunshine
4/2/2018 05:08:05 pm
Idk what a narc was until my recent relationshit. Discussing my current narc to a relative who advised I read about narcissist. Then it dawned on me that my 1st serious bf is a narc. The feelings from my relationshit seemed familiar and its because Ive been here before. It was difficult to leave and even harder to let go. Took me 5yrs after the break up. I ended the relationshit 19yrs ago & he wouldnt go away. He's been verbally and physically abusive which is the reason why I left. He has harassed me for 19yrs & I just ignore him. I believe the last call I recieved was 2017 and I just dont answer anymore. Now after 19yrs I'm back where I started. I feel like Im dating a vampire and he's not gonna be satisfied til he sucks the life out of me mentally and physically. He lived bombed me so good & I've been back & forth between the devalue & discard stage. Idk how I git back her or why he has his claws in me so deep. I pray everyday more than ever & just wish I never ran into him. My heart says stay but my mind says run but I haven't gotten the strength .
Reply
Dazed
4/16/2018 11:04:59 am
Wow! I am new to this. I am trying to figure out why my bf is so nice but mean. And all my research has led to narcissism. I’m still trying to figure out of this all applies to him and the more I read the more you and everyone be eksr drscribes him to a T. Where do I go from here? Many people say run ..... can it be possible to stay with a narcissistic person?
Reply
Renee
6/23/2018 02:48:15 pm
No it is not possible AT ALL! You will just repeat vicious cycles that waste your precious time. Please listen to the warnings you’ve been given and run for dear life. Narcs are demons!
Reply
Lynn
7/24/2018 05:44:23 am
No Run!
Reply
Jt
4/18/2018 09:04:00 am
My ex narc has done everything from cheating on me down to ruining lifetime friendships I had with different people. She argued with my 70 yr old mother and put an order of protection on her. We have a 2 yr old daughter that she only allows me to see on Friday's when I get paid so she can pick up money other than that I have no time to be with my daughter. She lie so much that I don't believe anything that she says and accuses me of doing the very things that she does. Im so tired of trying to be in touch with her for the sake of our child and sometimes I just want to walk a way and never look back.
Reply
Katie
4/22/2018 11:01:18 pm
My narc has put me through hell for years. Each time he comes back he’s less apologetic and less love-bomby. He’s worn me down to the point that I expect nothing from him and know I have to be perfect and walk on eggshells. I have to either accept him back or he makes me feel like the lowest form of garbage if I show any resistance or even mention how he hurt me. He has a new supply now. She tried to leave him so of course he’s love bombing tf out of her because how can anyone dare to walk away from him lmao I’m so fed up. But at the same time I wish he would come back. It’s an addiction. I want to move on and get closure, but I know I never will. He ruined me and left me with nothing but a broken heart. My depression and anxiety has never been worse. I know he’ll be back and I’m really scared of going through the cycle again.
Reply
Tanya
4/25/2018 09:14:34 am
6 YEARS LATER!!!! My NX found my youngest daughter on twitter and sent her a happy birthday message - she just turned 14. She was terrified after seeing the message and we blocked him from her account. I went to check a few days later to see if he had posted anything else, sure enough 20+ tweets about what a horrible, mother, person, girlfirend, human being that I am. 6 YEARS???? What the heck? He is NOT the father of my children, but claims to have raised them for several years - apparently while I was busy working at a job.
Reply
Erica
5/2/2018 05:10:08 am
I was totally devastated when my husband left me. It was like my entire world vanished into sorrow and pain, I know it sounds weird but it was my life experienced. Out of all the spell casters I contacted Dr. agumba was the only one who gave me that impression of being so true and trustful more-than his words. He made all my wishes come true, My husband is now loyal pays-attention to me and we often go out together. I will forever thankful to Dr agumba for his excellent work he restored my broken marriage. his email,
Reply
Angela Pendleton
5/10/2018 04:33:59 pm
My NX broke up with me in January of 2017 while he was still in prison. He said he was in love with me even BEFORE he went to prison. That's a lie because he tried having me thrown in jail when he got out last summer. Then, HE approaches ME in the store and we talk. I gave him my number agreeing that we could be friends. I'm a dumbass. We ended up having sex and he says he will "always love me". Lol. He's beyond being full of shit. But occasionally, he'll text me even though he still lies a lot
Reply
Narc Victim
5/11/2018 11:53:22 pm
My ex cheated on me and out me out of the apartment my parents got us Told his friends lies that I never did anything for him, he drained my bank account slowly over time left me with nothing made me cut out my friends said he didn't want me around other men, but once I got exactly 8 months pregnant he puts me out for a chick who lived in our same building on the floor below us with a bf of her own and after I found panties and clothes by the couch in our apartment he flipped out and said who was I to him that he owed me an explanation... And kept going around talking about it and then saw Starbucks cups with her name on them which is how I found out it was her and she is a complete downgrade she's about 19 works at Starbucks and drives a shitty Honda and literally looks like a dirty Mexican druggie rave girl. And after finding out I went back for my stuff he wasn't there my name was still in the lease and got my things after I had my son he wasn't at the hospital where our son almost died being born spent a month in NICU. Where was he? Love bombing his new source and smoking pot with his friends.. Then messages my mom saying he deserves to a chance to be in his sons life and right after he put me out of what was suppose to be a home for our little family ...messaged my brother saying I was trying to hurt him by keeping the baby away when our son hadn't been born yet.. They didn't respond and blocked him.. Then a month later tracks down my grandmas # don't have any idea how he got it.. Didn't even know he knew her last name considering he did such a good job at not being around my family and making me cut them out while I was with him.. But calls asking my grandma if the baby looked like him and if it was actually his, he wanted to do the right thing by paying child support.. But started each conversation with my family members saying I was the liar and the cheater!!!???? While pregnant with our son!!? And started a huge smear campaign that I was drinking while pregnant and was the crazy one when he was abusive literally every day.. Also, asked my grandma where ideas at and living cause after him cheating and moving in the new source a day after I was gone hadn't even gotten all my stuff at that point he acted like our whole relationship and our son was yesterday's used tissue said I robbed the place blind when everything was mine cause when I met him he had literally nothing but a room at his aunts house and he drove by my family's house also, did I mention he never went with me to any of my Dr appt for our son, and 2days before he put me out at 8 months pregnant, he was stating how he wanted to marry me and was going to get me a ring and seek counseling.. Next day he got into a fight cause he asked me a hypothetical question (to start a fight) if I would still love him if he wore women's clothes and I said well I'm with you cause your a guy and then sexually assaulted me by taking his pants off and putting his private in my face screaming "does this fuc**** make me a female, does it!!!" that was the moment I had truly been sick to my stomach with him I couldn't understand where the man I loved went and after balling and trying to explain what I meant for hours he ran off came back said "I'm not going to do this" packed a little duffle of stuff to get me by and said id figure my own sh** out and told me I shouldn't had gotten pregnant and I was just like he was the one who wanted kids not me? And he could have said that when I first found out so I wouldn't have been stuck with a baby for life but instead pretending it was the best thing to happen and was happy to the point where he was pleased with himself while I was balling.. And said he would do whatever it takes and as soon as things got rough he treats me like complete crap while pregnant and played stupid that it wasn't his kid telling people it wasn't his And at 5 months pregnant he was telling people at his work I already have birth and found out it wasn't his just these outrageous LIES!!! Even told people I sexually assaulted him when it was the other way around! I became terrified of him often times I wondered when my face was next. He broke everything nice I had all electronics and tv microwave raged out three things would punch himself in the head punch in walls of I even asked a harmless question like why he was home late and would rage so hard screaming "I'm not cheating on you I can't keep living under servalence cause your insecure!!" just all this outrageous stuff he would do that wouldn't make sense... And 1 month later he blasted his relationship with (new supply) on facebook at our spot at the coast where I would always take him on trips out there and had pics with new supply at our spot on FB as I'm going through hard post partum depression trying to take care of our son while recovering from my emergency C section.. Its like he wanted me to see it to piss me off or to put me in deeper depression then is telling all my family trying t
Reply
Jay
5/19/2018 12:47:32 pm
My narcissistic ex discarded me 8 months ago. She left me for someone else. I naively believed that she would never try to contact me. I was wrong. She attempted to call me from a new number, she has had her family members try to contact me, and she most recently showed up at my job with her new partner. These types of people do not quit. I have been successful at being no contact these 8 months even though she tried to contact me multiple times I’ve never replied. Although I thought being no contact might get her to finally leave me alone, she I guess finally got fed up from not hearing from me and went out of her way to go to my job with her new partner. Mind you, while we were together, she was already talking to the partner she has now and the partner knew where I worked as well. Narcissists are cowards, they have no shame, and they never let go. I know now all I can do is stay strong and keep moving forward.
Reply
Ann
6/26/2018 05:06:11 pm
In the last 9 months he has come back 5 times and 5 times I let him in. This last time was for about 3 weeks. He discarded me again. Come to find out, he had a fight with his new victim and she ended the relationship. She took him back and he discarded me again which I learned is what was happening these last 9 months. It all sounds familiar. History is repeating itself with this new victim. I almost feel bad for her.
Reply
Kim
7/18/2018 10:01:11 am
I am just now learning that my X is a narc. He has been abusing me since the day we married in 1995. We divorced in 2000, and I have two girls with him. He has taken me back to court more times than I can count, all the while playing the victim and telling the judge the most despicable things about me. Every single time, the judge threw the book at me while he stood by as charming as ever, eating it up that I was getting "what I deserved". Lies, manipulation, control, parental alienation, all of it. I've even been arrested because of him. He has controlled me my entire life with and without him. He has done everything he possibly could to turn the girls against me. He finally terminated his parental rights to avoid paying child support and my husband adopted them, but he still would not let us move on. He was working behind the scenes to manipulate my daughters.
Reply
Kandi k
7/20/2018 03:04:38 am
So back in March I met someone who I thought was absolutely charming we was meant to go on dates but never actually got round to it we just spoke a lot then he went missing saying that his life was amazing I was conceived texting him and calling asking favours okay then he would reappear be like nothing had ever happened ( All day we were never a couple ) Then I started to go out a few times with a male friend and my friend only he absolutely hit the roof take me up at the traitor and disgusting and once again he stopped talking to me then he would reappear here to come round and stay every single night see him every single day then he will start saying my friends were coming onto him or they’ve been saying stuff tell me I’m going nuts and mad and I’m trying to really life and he would leave again then reappear then I started to go out a few times with a male friend and my friend only he absolutely hit the roof take me up a traitor and disgusting and once again he stopped talking to me then he would reappear here to come round and stay every single night see him every single day then he will stop saying my friends were coming onto him or they’ve been saying stuff tell me I’m going nuts and mad and I’m trying to really life and he would leave again then reappear And the cycle would start again apparently on the most horrible disloyal person on the planet we stop talking again stupidly I let him reappear into my life three weeks ago but he said he was sorry and he wanted us to go open and tell everybody that we were together finally
Reply
Natasha P
7/26/2018 01:17:23 am
My Narc just returned 30 days later and I know I'm not supposed to break no contact, and I do want to go out, I've learn to go ghost when he go's ghost , I don't argue with him I do the silent treatment, when does the silent treatment, I except all the love bombing, but not the abuse, I'm playing his games my way.....
Reply
Vera
9/13/2018 02:18:51 am
Thank for this. How come the children were left with him?
Reply
Kathy Hall
9/25/2018 07:49:02 am
Well, it had been 8 months, but he just contacted me. He said that "he knew that I wanted to speak with him". In his imaginary world, he thinks that I still care about him. I am scared of him, and he knows it. I guess he hasn't been able to get his ego fed somewhere else. I blocked him again on my phone and email. I am definitely doing no contact.
Reply
It has been five years since my narc discarded me. He keeps coming back...& leaving & coming back again. I no longer love him and am unaffected by his appearances, but he is just as dramatic as ever. A few months ago I told him that he reminds me of Ted Bundy, & he got angry and went away for a while. Last Friday he showed up on my doorstep begging me to take him back. I guess if I call the cops again it’ll end again for a few years, but it won’t ever really be over in his eyes.
Reply
Vee
12/27/2018 08:41:19 pm
Reply
Vee
1/10/2019 08:36:06 pm
I’m 42 yrs old and I’ve been in an on and off relationship for 3 years with a 50 yrs old guy (Jay) who lives with his mother because he can’t afford his own place. I live with my 3 kids and my ex husband (he knew this when we met and my ex husband knows about Jay as well). He has insecurity issues because his ex wife and ex girlfriend prior to me both cheated on him.
Reply
Matt
1/15/2019 06:22:38 pm
My narcissist wife just discarded me after seven years of marriage. Filed a PFA on me on our anniversary and sent me divorce papers on my Birthday. She is definitely a coward! I knew that there was something different about her but couldn't put my finger on it? I know now after she has taken off her mask. I am now no contact and healing! I hope to God that she never returns! The strange thing about it, was two weeks prior she called me at work and told me how much she loved me!!! How bout that for love??? Lol ... I am so happy that I know now who she is!! Good luck to the next source of supply!!!!! Beware of her charm, she is lethal...
Reply
Monica
2/22/2019 09:14:19 am
I’m convinced that I was just discarded by a covert narc. I became pregnant towards the beginning and he ran from me. When I finally found him he blamed me for “seducing him” and not telling him I was on birth control. I should of left then smh. The constant gaslighting, I’m “delusional”. “That never happened!” “Get some help”. Used my personal info I shared in confidence against me...”now wonder your mother hates you” “now wonder your siblings didn’t talk to you for 15 years”. He is a giant alcoholic and projected his drinking on to me. He’s 51 years old so I thought he would be, you know, normal! Nope, has the emotional capacity of an 8 year old! He recently discarded me for another woman who he had been talking to for 2 months before he decided to be done with me. Told me he still wants to be friends because he thinks I’m “dynamite”! Ha! As much as it hurts and I want him to want me, this man is toxic and scary. I see him in public alllll the time. He doesn’t even live in my neighborhood, but I see him at the grocery store, gas station, and the local bar all the time. I just pretend like he doesn’t exist, and he’s tried to approach me once or twice but got the hint when I literally did not engage. This is a case where I don’t think he’ll Hoover. I am clear that he can’t use and abuse me anymore and I’m not going to be a part of his harem of women he constantly keeps in his back pocket. I feel silly that I was under his spell for the short 6 months I was. He sits at the bar and talks to everyone about his new girlfriend loud enough for me to hear and I SWEAR he’s trying to f$&k with me even though he’ll tell everyone (including myself) that he couldn’t care less about me and that I cared waaayyyy more than him. Which is probably true because I have, you know, human emotions. What an evil man!!!!
Reply
Amy
4/16/2019 03:44:23 pm
I don't know if this is still active or not but I have found myself in my second situation with a Narcissist. Both situations i have a Son with, one is 7, the other 9 months. I recognized the second situation a long time ago and was still continuously sucked in. The 1st situation I was with him for 8 years it was extremely abusive and controlling. But this situation 2 years. During my entire relationship with the 2nd one, the 1st one continuously tried to get back with me even throughout my entire pregnancy with another man's child. And now that the 1st one knows that I have left this relationship with the 2nd one, he is non stop bothering me so I'm dealing with both of them at the same time and it's a h*** of a struggle.
Reply
Tracey
4/28/2019 04:35:40 am
I have spent the last 20 months of my life with a man i thought was my soul mate. I fell in love with him almost immediately but the lies and deceit were apparent from very early on!! First heartbreak was 2 weeks after we met he told me he was in love with me proper melted my heart later that night he said he couldnt do it anymore and went back to his ex i am devestated next day was messaging me 3 days later back with me 5 days after that was back with his ex. At this early stage i should of given up but i didnt this guy literally has taken me to hell the 20 months we was together we broke up 22 times some of those times i would go out come home and he had moved out with a text a cant do this. Our whole realtionship was based around him what he wanted what he needed it was draining. He bought me gifts and flowers took me out for meals but i always felt like i wasnt getting his full commitment. I was right i caught him out so many times messaging other women having extra Facebook and snap chat accounts and yet when confronted he acted like he did nothing wrong it was all my fault he would then continue to pick at me say hes slept with her and her and can get who he wants cause hes a good looking lad. Cause i loved him so much the thought of him with someone else made me feel sick the times we were apart i wouldnt eat wouldnt sleep and could function. I cried alot waiting for his return. When he would come back he would write me a letter or a card saying how sorry he was and how much he loved me yet the unknowing and uncertainty of who he was with and met while he wasnt with me was all to much. I hoped and wanyed to believe he loved me but i know now he didnt cause you dont destroy the person you love. Its been 4 days since i challenged him with screen shots i received off another women the same women he told me he didnt know. They werent general chit chat messsges he was calling her beautiful and wanting to meet up with her, go out and cuddles. These messsges broke me as the lastest one was only a week before. When i asked he said did i meet her ..no..like hes done nothing wrong he then blocked me on everything and never came home. The next day i went his work and asked for my house key he threw it in a puddle and told me to fuck off. It was heartbreaking. Next day he called said i had ruined everything why couldnt i just keep my mouth shut. Its all got to much i contemplated ending my life as the pain and upset was all to much. I cancelled our holiday losing £500 closing the door on his excuse to return. Ive got him name tattoo on my wrist he insisted i got it last year i am now having that covered up as i feel he thinks he owns me. The no contact for the last 2 days has been horrible ive not eaten slept and cant stop crying. Wondering who he is with but this is the end of the line for me if i go back to this guy 1 more time i will end up dead thats without a doubt. He has destroyed me in every way so my biggest and hardest challenge now is learning to live without him in my life. If by any chance he does come round call or text i know it will be so hard not to engage with him but i have to do it for my own sanity. I want to warn any future women he gets with to save them the shit i have been through but i am going to have to stand down heal myself and let them find out for themselves i just hope they see him for who he is at an early stage cause i did i just made the mistake of following my heart and not my head!!!
Reply
V. Taven
5/12/2019 11:32:38 pm
Dated a N criminal. Got to know my wants and needs. Catered to my need for a break as a full-time college student and full-time worker. Told me I deserved the help. Provided that help...as long as I agreed to "change for our better". His mom is his enabler. I thought it was all her fault because she hated me, was unapologetic and he was worse around her. They are loud, rude and obnoxious together. It's creepy got mother and son to be so close...Fast forward to two years later, we are broken up. They blame me for their eviction even though their own bad actions around other neighbors caused this. I didn't have to say anything. I just served him with a restraining order hoping he'd stop messing with my car and trying to physically intimidate me. He was 6 months from convincing me to have his child. Can you imagine if that had happened? Thank God that didn't happen but now he's still trying to intimidate me. Neighbor said he was shirtless with gloves on outside my complex today. The worst part: him and his mom live in the apartments behind me. The restraining order is only 10ft away. I may end up moving just to be on the safe side. But I know even that probably won't stop him from making an appearance. I imagine he'll show up at school or my job next and try to embarrass me.
Reply
Sophie
5/24/2019 05:33:25 pm
I just go out of my abusive relationship with my NX. I'm reading up on everything I can to try and prepare myself, but I am still terrified of him coming back into my life and pulling me back to him. He's had so much control over me for the past few months, and I only very recently (coming up on a week) was able to go no contact with him.
Reply
Lauren
9/12/2019 05:37:18 pm
Hi I am in a really bad place right now. I was with this boy for 5 years we broke up a few times and every time we broke up he blocks me and then unblocks me months later. This time was so stupid he use to be so nice and have everything public and was just the best this time we got back no one was allowed to know not even his mam and he wasn’t really that nice even tho I done my best. He started a job at a night club and my cousin saw him and said things to him about the past, because of this he broke up with me even tho it’s ok for his family to do it to me? He broke up and I ignored him he usually blocks straight away but he didn’t a few hours later he said u just not gonna say anything
Reply
tom
11/18/2019 08:33:53 am
Hi,
Reply
Kt
7/5/2020 12:52:26 pm
My narc and i ended about a month ago, he blames me for it. Even though he will say sorry for everything he’s done. He blocked me on everything. We were together for a year and i moved out bc i couldn’t take his controlling ways. Couple days ago we saw each other he was saying how he never stopped loving me, how we’d see what happens, and then i got a phone call from my friend he doesn’t like and his whole mood changed. Now he keeps saying we can’t be together and i feel like I’m back to square one of NC. We live in the same building, we had a very toxic relationship, he made me a take a polygraph to prove i was faithful, block people, change what i wore where i worked etc. now that he’s said we can’t be together etc is this someone who is really done or just throwing a fit?
Reply
Hey
Reply
L Marie
8/6/2022 10:28:37 am
The only way to have peace of mind after being dumped by a narc is to go completely no contact. They know the exact things to say & do to hold you emotionally hostage & they will manipulate you into believing that there may still be some relationship left. They are cold but obviously not unhuman. If anything, they are overly sensitive about how others treat them & easily perceive slights that probably are not there. They can be experts at gaslighting & making you believe that YOU said something that they actually said, and they know this. Male narcs especially know that women are seeking a “knight in shining armor”; they are experts at making you believe that they truly care about you. But when they are out of your presence, their emptiness returns quickly & with a vengeance. They then feel compelled to chase that next “high” of seeking an emotionally vulnerable “victim” until he becomes bored or angry with her, on and on. When he suddenly dumps you without trying to communicate to save the relationship, it is because you have become imconvenient for him or because you no longer feed his insatiable need for positive attention. When real life serious issues happen in your life, they often suddenly dump you & try to make you believe that YOU did something to make them end the relationship. Go no contact & STAY that way!!!
Reply
Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
Leave a Reply. |
Like the FFNAEA Facebook page by clicking the icon below!
Welcome
Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna Jen, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you! Archives
December 2022
The Top 10
Here you will find my most popular posts for easier discovery.
Tightening Your Facebook Privacy Settings How Narcissists Make Sure You Never Solve Problems In A Relationship How I Lost My Identity The Fake Apology Effects of Emotional Abuse Why You Should Never Defend Yourself Against The Narcissist's Smear Campaign Emotionally Abusive Behaviors Going No Contact: A List Of What To Do And What Not To Do An Open Letter To All Survivors Who Just Got Out Of An Abusive Situation Emotional Rape Categories
All
Copyright Notice
©2016-2023. Freedom From Narcissistic And Emotional Abuse. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material (in full or in part) without the express written consent of this blog's author/owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Freedom From Narcissistic And Emotional Abuse with a link back to the original content.
Disclaimer
The content of this site is told from the blog author/owner's personal experience of dealing with a male Narcissist. Narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths are both male and female, and come from all walks of life. Furthermore, the content contained herein is not intended to be a replacement for medical or legal counsel. This blog's sole purpose is to provide support to those who have endured Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse.
|