Narcissists don’t want us to heal. They don’t want us to move forward in life. They don’t want us to recover. This is precisely why they will come back around even after the discard. Don’t think that they are done with you when the discard occurs. Because they always come back around.
They don’t want us to heal
The Narcissists return because they don’t want us to heal. They may call, text, email or contact us via Facebook to reminisce about the good times. They may say how they used to have such fun with you. They want us to continue to pine away for them. They want us to think about perhaps taking them back for another chance.
Or they may even contact us to tell us about a new perfect love that they found, one that they never found with us and that they are so happy with the new person. They may also post on their social media accounts about this new found love and how so deeply in love they are. Their posts might also include photos of a “loving” family.
These are attempts at getting us to remain uneasy, to keep us in an anxious state of mind, and to get us to think, “What was wrong with me that I couldn’t make them happy?” They will claim this new love has changed them into a better person.
These appearances in our lives are perfectly timed. Often, the Narcissists have a sense of when we are healing well. Or are beginning to be happy again in our lives. That’s when they make their appearance. If it’s not to woo us back, they pick a fight by reminding us that we are the unstable ones or putting us down with some verbal jabs.
These perfectly timed appearances condition us to expect them back. I have mentioned in many of my posts on the Facebook page of this blog’s same name that it’s a pattern with them. Narcissists are creatures of habit and will come back around every few months (or in some cases, every few years). My NX will ignore me for months, then email me under the guise of talking about the children. The latest was a discussion on if I could afford to see the children this year. Three times I said no, I couldn’t afford it and that if I had been told sooner, that perhaps I could have had more of a chance to properly save and schedule the correct time off from work. When he saw that I was saying no, he changed gears and began to insult me for asking to speak to my children via Skype or a phone call.
That email exchange happened over the course of a few days. I had suspected that I wouldn’t hear from my NX again for at least another 2 months. His timing is like clockwork. It’s about every few months with him.
Narcissists intend for us to keep us guessing. They think if we can anticipate their return that we’ll always be on the edge of hope that maybe, just maybe, we can get back together with them. That maybe we can give it another try. Even if we are in another relationship when these returns happen, the Narcissists won’t care. They will still hoover us and lovebomb us. Their aim is to keep our head spinning. Their logic stems from the sole purpose of wanting us to never move on and heal.
“As convincing as it may seem, this is simply your Ex trying to hoover you back into a toxic relationship with them. Every single action employed by the Narcissist stems from a pathological need to control others”
Returns are not random
The Narcissists’ returns are never random. They always do things with a purpose. They are cunning toxic individuals who aim to destroy our souls. They always have an underlying MO (modus operadi), or method of operation.
For a while, my NX was offering to pay for me to move closer to the children. Every month or so, he’d ask again. And every time, I said no. You see, it’s a Narcissist’s job to get us back under their control somehow, even if they were the ones who did the discarding. They don’t like to ever truly let go of their supply sources! My NX was under the assumption that I’d take a “free” trip out to where they were living. I knew better than to let myself get anywhere NEAR him again, unless it was for a scheduled visit with the children.
Yes, Narcissists do everything with a purpose. I surmise that my NX regularly asked me to move closer to the children to paint me in a bad light if he ever took me to court. (For what purpose he’d take me to court, I have no idea. He already has full custody!)
Narcissists will always come back. Don’t be fooled into thinking they are gone forever when they discard you. Their goal is to make sure they are always in our lives in one form or fashion. They are creatures of habit. They will form a pattern of returning, whether it’s every few weeks or every few months. The best way to handle them is to go completely No Contact. See my post Going No Contact: A List Of What To Do And What Not To Do for more information.
Have you had experience with a Narcissist returning? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories with me.
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you!
The Top 10
Here you will find my most popular posts for easier discovery.
How Narcissists Make Sure You Never Solve Problems In A Relationship
Tightening Your Facebook Privacy Settings
How I Lost My Identity
The Fake Apology
Effects of Emotional Abuse
Why You Should Never Defend Yourself Against The Narcissist's Smear Campaign
Emotionally Abusive Behaviors
Going No Contact: A List Of What To Do And What Not To Do
An Open Letter To All Survivors Who Just Got Out Of An Abusive Situation
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The content of this site is told from the blog author/owner's personal experience of dealing with a male Narcissist. Narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths are both male and female, and come from all walks of life. Furthermore, the content contained herein is not intended to be a replacement for medical or legal counsel. This blog's sole purpose is to provide support to those who have endured Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse.