A reader recently brought up a very good point. She said, "How do you defend yourself against a smear campaign when you don't even know what's being said?"
This led me to want to break the smear campaign down a bit.
In my post, The Smear Campaign, I discussed how the smearing is a premeditated effort to destroy the target's reputation. The Narcissists begin their campaign even before the end of the relationship to lay down the groundwork.
But if the Narcissist does all of this smearing behind your back, how in the world can you defend yourself against such tactics? This is what I said to my reader.......I guess it boils down to this: Since we don't have any way of knowing what's being said when we aren't around, there really is no way to defend yourself. That is, except to just go on living your truth and doing what you do. The best quote I heard regarding this is "When you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." Basically, we just tell our truths and live our lives the best way we know how, and someday we will be vindicated. What I said above to my reader is so true. When we go about our lives and live our truth, we create a realm that speaks volumes. It is an undeniable way for others to see that we are not what the Narcissists say we are. That there are contradictions and discrepancies in what the Narcissists say versus what they do. Others might think, "Wait.....the Narcissist said you were crazy, but you're a nice person." Or, "But the Narcissist said you were jealous. You aren't." Or, "The Narcissists said they changed because of the new relationship in their lives. But I still see them get angry." Yes, the Narcissists take all you told them about your personal life, your fears, your dreams and use that against you. They strive to destroy your esteem, your worth and your confidence. Yes, they even weave a tale of woe to your friends and family to get them to turn against you. The Narcissists want to torment you and force you to stay silent about what you endured. Why? Because they can't have you talk freely about your experiences. They don't want their abuse to come to light. That's the essence of the smear campaign. To destroy your reputation. The best way - in fact, the only way - to combat that is to just keep on living your life the best way you know how. Live your truth. Share your experiences. Be vocal. Don't let the Narcissists scare you into silence. What experiences have you had with a smear campaign? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you sharing your stories with me.
5 Comments
Charis
1/22/2017 05:07:10 pm
I didn't see it coming. I felt and saw his friends and family changing on me. The way they looked at me was enough. They nearly talked too me towards the end of our relationship. When i first asked him about this, he nearly answered. When i insisted several times he was always accusing me of having trust- issues, that i didn't like his friends and family since the beginning??? This was certainly not true! He always managed to make me out to be the bad person. How could I accuse ( !?) his nice family? He made up excuses for their behavior!? What he went and told his family i really don't know but i suppose it was bad! He was setting up everybody against eachother. A couple of times i looked in his phone to see what was going on. He had contact with several woman, complaining about me and playing the 'sad' victim. How he had done 'too much' for me. How stupid and dumb he felt and how ungreatful i was. The last time i checked, he was laughing about how he would f*** my sister to get me mad... My sister who i haven't had contact with in 9 years. One of the most difficult situations in my life he had stabbed me in the back with. When confronted he tried to turn it around on me again... No signs of shame or regret. I left that night and never looked back...
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Jenn
2/7/2017 06:39:56 am
Charis.....Your situation sounds familiar. That's the smear campaign of a Narcissist at work. They play the victim so that those around them can view the true victim as the problem. And no, they never regret anything. They are never sorry.
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Mindy
1/22/2017 05:10:32 pm
Oh my extremely evil stepdaughter has been running a full out smear campaign since October of 2015, when I innocently told her she was nothing like her father. I couldn't sit and listen to her lie about the kind of man he was, when she didn't even know him. They barely saw each other when he was alive (I'm a widow). She huffed off in a Narcissistic Sociopathic Rage and from that day forward has systematically spread God-Knows-What kind of lie to anyone and everyone in my family who was willing to listen, in an effort to destroy my reputation, and my connections to the family. And they ALL were willing to listen! Every last one of 'em. Come to find out, her on-going smear campaign exposed a whole nest of them. And I was the unwilling scapegoat of their disfunctional family, with the stepdaughter leading as Queen of the Damned. Flying Monkeys tittered to each other behind my back. Her best friend tried getting close to me so she could betray my confidence. My nephew turned out to be a sociopath, discarding me with such cruelty, I never spoke to him again because of his dangerous aggression towards me. It's as though I was in a narco nest that included a horrible combination of narcissists, sociopaths, flying monkeys, enablers (who stood by, watching as I was treated with such cruelty and disdain, yet did nothing to stop it) and weak envious followers on the side lines, all working as hard as they could at breaking down my happiness, confidence and strength. And more than happy to jump on the Smear Campaign bandwagon in an effort to hide their rotten humanity and project it onto innocent me. When all I did was tell this self-entitled lying little witch that she was nothing like her father (who was a kind, loving and honest man). Oh, and she's not actually his blood. She is an illegitimate child that my husband chose to give his name out of pity. Once I figured out she was talking trash about me behind my back, and that my husband's whole family was not only listening, but never had my best interests at heart, I immediately went No Contact (they are my deceased husband's family, and have no connection to me what-so-ever). Next thing I knew, every and any friend on Facebook that had a connection to his family de-friended me. The ultimate in sophomoric snubbing. The Queen of Chaos had really kicked up her smear campaign because I had done the one thing she didn't expect: I had kicked her out of my life without a single backwards glance. And, once I saw that she had posted pictures on FB of the very people who had defriended me the day after they went out? I had the wonderful joy and justice of defriending and blocking her. Especially after I realized that, in her toddler-like mentality, being defriended is some kind of big deal. I could care less because I am an actual confident adult. But I knew it would really side-swipe her. She is so self-involved and acts so superior, the thought of someone snubbing her would really set her off. Picture her as the Queen of Hearts, fat, yet thinking she is sexy, dressing inappropriately and going around red-faced, yelling "Off with their heads!" That's my step daughter. I knew she would be plotting her revenge, yet she can't actually do anything TO me physically. This nest of disfunction was created right after my husband died. I never was close to them when he was alive, so it was easy for me to leave them. They can smear me all they want. It doesn't matter when I'll never know what they are saying. But I did predict that there are two people who will probably be the New Supply for The Disfunctional Family and orbiting narcopaths. Sure enough, they just had a big party this weekend for both of their birthdays (something they have never done before), just like they did for me when I turned 50, two months after my husband died. The Smear goes on, The Disfunction reshifted to find New Supply and I am so, so grateful that I had the strength and courage to go No Contact with the very family that should have loved me. I am now completely alone and have no one in my life. But I'd rather be happy and alone than be fed upon by vampires, for the rest of my life. I'll find like-minded good people. And I'll continue to educate myself on these brain disorders, as well as setting boundaries, so I never find myself in this situation again.
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Jenn
2/7/2017 06:45:48 am
Mindy.....First of all, I am sorry that you lost your husband. But losing him though did out all the unhealthy people. It's like they come out of the woodwork. I am glad you are no contact. They don't need your attention anymore. What they do from here on out is of no concern anymore. Like you said, keep educating yourself. Find things that make your soul happy.....volunteer, paint, go hiking. Good luck to you.
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T. Huisman
10/12/2017 05:03:08 pm
Mijn zus heeft een smeercampagne op touw gezet om mij zwart te maken tegenover andere familieleden en had een verjaardagskaart gestuurd en dan gaat ze er over roddelen bij andere familieleden en maakt ze mij belachelijk. Dan lachen ze om mij en zeggen dat ik een viezerik ben en ook als ik verjaardagscadeautjes geef maken ze die belachelijk. Ze verstoten mij uit de familiekring en niet alleen de ziel maken ze stuk ook het lichaam daar willen ze het over te zeggen hebben en ook liefhebberijen. Hoe emotioneler je reageert des te trotser ze zijn nadat wat zij misdaan hebben.
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna Jen, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you! Archives
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