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They're good. They're evil. They're back to being good. Wait a minute, what's going on? The guest post below is an excellent description of the Jekyll and Hyde personality that Narcissists are so good at. Have you experienced this with the Narc in your life? Comment below the post. And as always, I appreciate you sharing your stories with me.
For years I was perplexed by my NX. What was I seeing.....multiple personalities or what? At times, my NX seemed like a normal person, then at times, like a person who was frighteningly irrational, abusive, and evil. I could never have guessed the truth, not for a long, long time. For a long time I couldn't wrap my mind around the truth...that the narcissist wears a mask and plays a part, and in fact, may play many parts, and yes, the narcissist knows EXACTLY what they are doing.
One crazy thing was that the narcissist would, at times, speak of me in the most glowing terms to others, embarrassingly so. But, soon, my NX would talk to me, in private, and call me the most degrading and humiliating things, and be completely rejecting and dismissive of anything I said. I soon realized that the narcissist was going to extremes in both directions...I was neither a perfect, ideal person, nor was I the horrible person the narcissist was portraying me as. I had many conversations with the narcissist about being “reasonable and moderate”, but most of you know by now just how futile that was. By research, I came to understand that narcissists engage in SPLITTING, where you are either all bad, or all good. In reality, we all have flaws and faults and do stupid things...that's life...but, in a normal relationship we are loved just as we are. I was constantly uncomfortable and extremely confused by this splitting, but it never stopped. Then, I realized that the narcissist did this to other people as well...they were either angels or devils. 
Photo Credit: Abuse No More Facebook page
One day it dawned on me that the narcissist HAD NO EMPATHY or compassion, not really. However, the narcissist wanted to be seen as a very good person, and so, put on an act pretending to be such a person. In reality, it was all about exploiting people for what the narcissist can get from them, and one thing the narcissist wants badly is to be admired, even worshiped, because narcissists feel ENTITLED, and the admiration of others makes them feel powerful.
In fact, to a narcissist, being able to CONTROL THE PERCEPTIONS OF OTHERS is an enormous power trip, and the narcissist is all about power and control. It's not what's true that matters to the narcissist, it's what they can make you and others THINK is true. For a narcissist, appearance is reality. Another part of the Jekyll and Hyde personality of the narcissist is that the narcissist enjoys abusing and inflicting pain....they are sadistic, which makes them bullies. Being able to abuse you and also to keep you around for more, to the narcissist, shows how much power and control the narcissist has over you. To be with a narcissist is to be forever confused and forever abused, and to be disoriented and beaten down by the Jekyll and Hyde act. Then, one day, I realized I could NEVER change the narcissist. NEVER. If fact, years after our split, the narcissist is still just as bad...no, I think worse. YOUR narcissist will never change, either. You deserve better. You can be happy again, but you can never be happy for long with a narcissist.
**Article reprinted with permission by Soulmates in Hell blog and was originally published on Sept. 10, 2015.
7 Comments
Crystal
8/28/2016 11:39:17 pm
I've tried researching the sickeningly sweet behavior and what it means but haven't found much. My ex is a roller coaster, back and forth from toxic to cordial. To be honest, I find the cordial behavior disconcerting. It makes me wonder what he's buttering me up for, what's coming next.
Jenn
8/29/2016 03:31:27 pm
Crystal......Yes exactly. I feel the same way when my ex is "nice." I always think "ok, what's he got up his sleeves now" kind of thing.
Sofia
3/21/2017 12:54:42 pm
Long before i knew my ex was a narcissist i used to refer to him as jeckll and hyde. I wrestled daily with how he treated or shall i say mistreated me and how it all made no logical sense for someone who i thought loved me. But in his own words he could never say the words love and he said i should know that he "cared" about me. Like i could tell. But i could not. One thing is for sure, you can NEVER be really happy for very long with these types. When i finally found out what had been going on for years in my relationship it was well after i had found the strength to leave him. And thanks to all the posts and websites i became well educated about narcissism. The stories and the words were EXACTLY what i had experienced. Very uncanny to see in print the words and things that i had experienced ovet a 20 year relationship. And every website confirmed what i had thought- that i was not the crazy one at all. I can recall after a session with a psychologist, she told me "oh he had nothing bad to say about you". Not sure if she was testing that i shouldnt say anything bad about him either. But i was more like, oh really?! Since he had called me practically every name in the book in front of my kids and insulted me on a daily basis once he got whiff that i was leaving him. Makes me sick to my stomach how he de-valued me once he found his new supply.
Jenn
3/29/2017 06:57:19 pm
Sofia........Narcissists are quick to discard. They typically have no more use for us when we begin to see beneath their mask. But they still may return every once in a while for additional supply. They are excellent at fooling people about who they are. They pull off the greatest acting performance of a lifetime! "Oh, he's such a nice guy!" many people will say. And yes, I agree.....when I began to read the words on website and blogs, I couldn't believe my eyes.....I was like "oh that is exactly what I was going through" or "that's exactly what he'd do." I hear ya! Hang in there.
Sandi
4/10/2017 12:50:30 pm
I lived with 2 of them. I seriously thought I was losing my mind. Each day was a new day to wonder will he be ok today or erupt at the slightest thing. The first was violent & thank God I was able to leave, the 2nd was a volcano, one eruption after another, pointing fingers, in my face, silent treatment, if I tried to address any issues I was dismissed, called a crazy lady, I left 4 years ago with my daughter, one of the best decisions. I hope anyone who goes thru this gets out, you are mentally & emotionally depleted with these people who never change & go on to their next victim. I have been with my narc for almost eight years. I have struggled for years trying to decipher her behavior. So far I have it down to a pattern that never seems to vary. In the beginning there is the love bombing. She can't do enough for me, can't be close enough, can't spend enough time with me and amazing sex. When she feels she has a good hold on me the attention slowly dies down to zero sex life and little to no interest in making any advances toward me for any kind of attention. But if I return the favor or complain then we have an issue and every excuse in the book for her behavior. Along with the lack of effort on her part to show affection, except when others can see, come the little digs about me not being interested in her, she wants more time with me, she wants more than a weekend boyfriend and the the check in texts like "are you sleeping", whats for supper", what's on TV", what am I doing, I have repeatedly told her that her check in texts annoy the piss out of me but I guess negative attention is better than none. If I don't text her for a day sometime because I just plain need a break, she gets offended or throws a dig at me like "I guess you are mad at me". She seems to love to see how far she can push me and then loves to be butt hurt when I lash out. I have told her many times that if she doesn't like my reaction then maybe she needs to quit pushing my buttons. I have no clue where she gets the energy to needle me relentlessly about something until I cave and within hours find something else to start needling me about. Weekend after weekend I heard the comments starting on Sunday afternoon. "Did I ever tell you how much I hate Mondays"? All week long would be a countdown to Friday when I would come to see her. After a couple of minutes of being happy, the rest of the weekend would usually be filled with a whole lot of watching TV and watching her play on her phone. Sunday would bring the comments about Monday again. One time I stayed another day and left on Tuesday instead, only to have her be butt hurt because she expected me to stay longer. I can't ever make her happy. My biggest mistake was the time I bought her a ring. She needled me for months before I decided to give in. I already knew what would happen but I was hoping for a different end result. She picked the ring and I put some custom touches on it. She loved being able to flash it around and compare it to everyone else's rings but what the ring really meant to her was that she had me locked in good and tight so the abuse really took off after that. Zero affection, the pissy comments about anything she could find. Every woman in the county wanted to get me in bed, I didn't compliment her enough, I looked at her too much, I was a know it all, Iwas just like my dad, She compared me to other men in her life and so on. She was brutal. I took the ring back and again she was butt hurt that all I cared about was her ring. She had tried to hide it but I found it and I put it in my parents safe. Instead of her taking responsibility for her actions, I was the bad guy. I didn't love her, How could I be so mean, I made her look bad and so on. Shortly after that I moved out and man did she go off the deep end. I was doing every woman that I saw and she couldn't imagine her life without me. On and on it went without stopping. I still see her on weekends and she still hasn't accepted that she is the reason we don't have a relationship. She still tries to love bomb me and post on facebook how in love with me she is but still has yet to show me. What a ride to say the least. When I got the place where I am now she conveniently found a place right next door. WTF? I literally can't get away from her.
Anni
6/16/2018 06:06:06 pm
Once I realised that my husband has narcissistic personality disorder and that his lack of empathy, gaslighting, jekyll/hyde, and lack of whole object constancy were all about him and his mental illness, I was free. I'm learning how to dodge the nasty things he gets started on and I don't take it into myself anymore because I know it's all him. I'm a lot more at peace and I'm good on self-esteem. I use a lot of silence, uh-huh validation/fake agreement, and simply walking away from him. His family doesn't want to recognise his behavior because it ignores the cause of it: his anxiety-ridden anxious shaming blaming maternal caretaker. She is a complete NPD by genetics or environment or both. It saddens me what has happened to my husband, but I also know I have to stay alert. Sometimes I'm even able to just say I'm sorry he's hurting when he goes off into Mr. Hyde. Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you! Archives
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