What happens when you have both a Narcissistic Spouse AND a Narcissistic Mother in Law? It's a recipe for disaster, that's what. Today's guest blog post describes SPOT ON how I felt about having my NX as well as his mother against me. One of the first times I had experienced her Narcissistic behavior was when she came over to our house for a visit. She said to me, "Well, he's your problem now!"
Thought I might share a little on the issues with having, not only, a Narcissistic Spouse but a Narcissistic MIL.
This, Dear Friends, is TRUE HELL!
The EK was the GOLDEN CHILD of a MAJOR NARC MOTHER.
He had one brother who was, of course, the scapegoat. His brother went NC with the NQB (Narcissistic Queen Biatch) nearly 20 years ago. He figured out that his life would NEVER BE NORMAL as long as SHE was in it.
Not saying he (the scapegoat) was NOT affected by his trauma. I venture to say that he is a little OCD and he is DEFINITELY controlling and depressive BUT he is NOT a narc.
The day I met the NQB for the first time, she said “You REALLY ARE stupid aren’t you?!” and she SMIRKED.
The same SMIRK I would become VERY FAMILIAR with on the face of the EK. You know, the one they put on so they can say “I was JUST kidding! You are WAY too sensitive!” when you KNOW they were NOT KIDDING?
I tried for 10 years to make this woman respect me. She never did.
Below is a list of some of the things the NQB did while I was trying to “win her over”.
She did not like the fact that my Mother was a kind and generous woman, so she tormented her constantly! She made of total lies about her to rile up the EK….for example…he told the EK that my Mother (who lived with us for about 8 years), during the day when we were not home, would open all the windows and doors to PURPOSELY raise the electric bill (we lived in Florida).
The QNB REALLY hated my Mother and she took every opportunity to start trouble…and if there wasn’t one…she made one up!
Looking back, I heard my Mother apologize to her when she had done nothing wrong…MANY TIMES.
The NQB also like to tell lies about my older sons. The EK BELIEVED every word she said no matter how LITTLE sense it made.
The NQB liked to lie about me to others as well…and to the EK. She told such stories about me that an Aunt wrote a letter to the EK, one that I was NOT meant to see…telling him that a DOG is a better Mother than I was and that I was going to turn my children into juvenile delinquents if he did not DO SOMETHING to STOP ME. My older sons have NEVER been in trouble…actually, were quite easy to deal with! This was courtesy of the lies the NQB LIVED to tell.
This was my life for almost 10 years, fighting to convince the EK that his mother had a screw loose!
Nope…he did not believe it until she got around to HIM!
About 10 years in…that changed. She was caring for the young twins that the EK and I shared. BAD IDEA! They were old enough to remember and have stated she attempted to coach them to tell lies and to turn them against me…saying terrible things about my older sons and I, as well as my Mother.
She finally outright ACCUSED me of being INSANE and being a danger to my children. She also stated that she was of the opinion that my teenage sons were RAPING the twins.
I had HEARD ENOUGH!
I did NOT know what to call it and I had not yet come to the conclusion that I was MARRIED to her TWIN…but I saw that she was PERFECTLY willing to get my sons ARRESTED when they had done NOTHING in order to be in control!
I saw that she was INSANE!
I put my foot down and, of COURSE, the EK said I was over reacting…but even HE KNEW that my twins were NOT being raped by my older sons. When he tried to speak to her about the seriousness of these accusations…she turned on HIM.
She told him that if he was going to refuse to DO ANYTHING ABOUT ME…then perhaps he was not fit to have the children EITHER and she was considering getting an ATTORNEY to take custody of them from BOTH OF US.
He decided that he would go NC with her as well. I have to admit, I did threaten to leave, for the safety of my older sons if he did not stand with me…so, of course, “I FORCED him to stop speaking to her” (Not his fault!) After about a year, I suggested that if he could STAND UP TO HER and refuse to BUY INTO HER LIES…that might not be necessary…but he was RESOLUTE.
They were NC for about 5 years.
THEN came the DISCARD!
My twins, remembering EXACTLY what she was like had NO DESIRE to see her…as a matter of fact, one of them was TERRIFIED OF HER. But, once I was discarded, the EK made up with “Mommy” and went running back crying about how I “would not let him speak to her!” and it was ME who “caused the problem.”
And so, the ENDING of the story is that the EK and the NQB are back together again. A 50 year old man and his Mommy!
The new vic cannot UNDERSTAND how I could “be so cruel” to the NQB!
They invited her over one day while my children were there…WITHOUT telling them. One of the twins (15 at the time) ACTUALLY had a panic attack! The new vic did her best to tell him that he had been DELUDED and that she was a nice lady! The EK tried to guilt them by saying “She is OLD and she won’t live much longer. You are going to feel so GUILTY that you feel this way about her and would not see her”.
One twin replied “No I won’t feel guilty at all.”
The EK STILL tries to force contact between the NQB and the twins…and they go, for now. NOTHING, however, is going to erase the memories that they have of her. They do not converse with her and they OBVIOUSLY do not want to be there.
The EK is looking after his inheritance you see. Gotta stay in good with Mommy because she might have something to leave him when she goes!
This is NOT an assumption. I have HEARD the EK’s family deciding what possessions they wanted in ADVANCE of the death of a family member!
The NQB’s true colors will be revealed soon enough to the NEW VICTIM.
She will find she is in a double Hell with NO WAY TO WIN.
Maybe she will get lucky and not live long enough to suffer in that Hell for long.
**This post was reprinted with permission from Soulmates in Hell. Originally published on December 29, 2015.
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you!
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