After Narcissistic Abuse, many survivors find it near impossible to trust anyone again. No matter who crosses paths with us, we begin to question everyone’s motives. Why do they want to help us? Why do they want to be friends with us? Why do they want to love us? But there will come a day when we will love and trust again.
In our minds, that trust in others needs to build back up slowly because it’s like they need to prove to us that they are worthy of our love and trust. We need to be sure they won’t pull the same stunts the Narcissists pulled.
But how can that trust build back up? I mean, the Narcissist took our child-like faith in humanity and destroyed it. Because of them, we will never see the world with the same innocent eyes again. We now look on the world with a different set of eyes. We question the motives of others. We wonder why someone wants to do something for us.
I can really only speak for me and how I accomplished finding that trust in others again.
I feel it boils down to faith. Faith in the goodness of others. Faith that not everyone is like the Narcissists. Take small steps towards believing that goodness. A friend wants to buy you dinner one night? Let them. It will be difficult at first to take these small leaps of faith. What if they hurt us the way the Narcissists did? How would we cope with that betrayal again?
After the NX discarded me, my self-worth, self-esteem and self-confidence were nearly destroyed. I could not look up at anyone when I talked to them. My gaze was always towards the ground. I rarely smiled. It was even rarer for me to laugh. How was I to find that love and trust in others again?
I sought solace in the comfort of my family after the NX discarded me. And maybe that’s what other survivors need to do as well. Find comfort in family or friends. Look to your support system for help in lifting you up in your darkest hour. Let them do nice things for you. When others perform small acts of kindness for you, it can (and many times does) help rebuild that trust you have for others.
It took what felt like forever for me to even begin to feel even a small amount of trust again. I am eight years post-discard now, and I still find it hard to trust others’ motives. But I feel it’s a process to trust. When I first meet someone, I don’t spill my life story to them right away. It takes time to get to know someone. If someone asks me why my ex has custody of my children, I don’t shy away anymore from answering them.
Not everyone is like the Narcissist! Not everyone wants to hurt and destroy you! That was the biggest thing for me to learn. When I had a huge moment of doubt and experienced a knee-jerk reaction, my now husband had said to me, “I am not him.” Sometimes it takes a moment like that for us to realize that not everyone is out to get us. Not everyone is hell bent on destroying us.
It will take time, but I promise you that you will learn to love and trust again. Healing is not an instant thing. It is an ongoing process. You will have ups and downs. You will take steps forward and even feel like you’re sliding back. But it’s okay. Even now, I have those bad days. But they are less frequent now. I have more good days than bad now. And you will too.
How have you been dealing with loving and trusting again after Narcissistic Abuse? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories with me.
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you!
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The content of this site is told from the blog author/owner's personal experience of dealing with a male Narcissist. Narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths are both male and female, and come from all walks of life. Furthermore, the content contained herein is not intended to be a replacement for medical or legal counsel. This blog's sole purpose is to provide support to those who have endured Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse.