The question "Why do Narcissists lie?" is an ever present one for victims and survivors of Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse.
Narcissists lie because it is their way of living, their way of coping. They must lie, otherwise their life will crumble around them. They can't have their false selves found out, right?
But why? Why must they lie? Why lie when it just hurts so many? That's just it. They don't care who they hurt. They do it to further their own agenda. They will lie, cheat and steal their way to the top. In the beginning, Narcissists appear so charming and outgoing. Everyone likes them, they seem to be so accomplished, and they seem to be your perfect mate. But this is just a ruse. So why do Narcissists lie? Narcissists have a false self. This false self is created because they have a grandiose way of thinking about themselves. That they are entitled and superior to others. This fake persona must be maintained through any means necessary. Lying is just one way to keep the facade going.
Narcissists often lie by omission. That is, tell only minute portions of truth so as to mislead others. They create their own versions of the truth.
In their world, rules don't apply to them. They think they are superior to others. So therefore, they feel their lies are justified. Lies help the Narcissist by: 1. Maintaining their sense of control over others. 2. Keeping their Narcissistic Supply handy. 3. Reassuring their entitled self. 4. Avoiding the ugly truth that their status in life isn't as lofty as they want it to be. 5. Diminishing others' needs. Ok, so that's what helps the Narcissist. But the question of WHY keeps rolling around in my brain. I had such a difficult time truly understanding the why. Power and control In all the research I did for this blog, it comes down to one simple reason. Power and control. Narcissists crave power and control over others much in the way that drug addicts crave their next fix. It's their life force. They must have it. Narcissists seek attention, adoration and adulation. They need that source in order to survive. It's their persistent need to feel superior over others. It's their need to hide their false self. Narcissists lie to make the person they are lying to question their own reality and perceptions. This is a concept known as gaslighting. (Read my post Gaslighting: What You Need To Know for more.) Another big reason why Narcissists lie is to gain sympathy. They want to be seen as the victim in certain instances. They play the "woe is me" card and in most cases, people flock to them to give them the attention they crave. Bottom line Lying becomes such a way of life for Narcissists that many begin to believe their own lies. It's a dangerous game when Narcissists believe their own lies! What lies has the Narcissist told you? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories with me.
19 Comments
Everytime I tried to end the relationship all of a sudden he was in the hospital. It was always a secret as to why at first . To get me worried or concerned. Cause I still have a heart. Towards the real ending of our relationship he claims to have had a heart attack. By that time I was aware of his game. He was apparently released the next day. So if he was even in the hospital he definitely didn't have a heart attack. Like the article said they lie and your convinced that you're losing your mind. I felt that way a lot. He lied about absolutely everything. Could never understand why. Why lie about what you had for lunch? His financial situation, just so I would think it was a good idea to let him move in with me. He bought me a fake diamond engagement ring even. He believed that it was worth thousands. He convinced me it was worth thousands. I could sit here for days and talk about the hell he put me through.
Reply
Jenn
1/11/2017 06:10:54 am
Kim.....Sounds familiar. It's like no matter how different we survivors are, the stories are so similar. it's almost like the Narcissists use some kind of manual or playbook. I take it you are on a good healing path now? What kinds of things do you do for yourself?
Reply
Vanessa
2/2/2017 04:51:18 pm
As I read these post, I am horrified to know different players, same stories and dynamics. These persons are EVIL to say the least. The only one closely linked to these kinds of personas and behavior was closely linked to God and He had to kick him out. The irony of this all is that we are GOOD HEARTED people sited for such human parasites. It's disgusting and I pray for everyone here and myself, that " NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST US, shall not PROSPER..." Isaiah 54:17. Best wishes.
Reply
Jenn
2/7/2017 06:49:06 am
Vanessa......I have heard of that scripture before. Thank you for reminding me of that. Sometimes, I need reminding that the evil won't win. (Actually, my favorite piece of scripture also comes from Isaiah....it's 40:31: They who hope in the Lord shall renew their strength...)
Reply
Linda bblegen
7/6/2017 02:46:36 pm
Reply
Mel
3/22/2017 03:23:13 pm
The ex narcissist used to lie to me all the time. He even went as far as to tell me he was getting early redundancy. He told me the amount he would be getting and it was all going ahead. I later saw a couple of the guys he works with and they told me he was sacked weeks ago. WTF. After that episode he was well and truly gone from my life NC cannot abide liars and he was prolific. He is mentally ill. X
Reply
Jenn
5/7/2017 01:59:21 pm
Mel......I am sorry you endured what you did. It doesn't surprise me though that he lied. Toxic individuals like Narcissists are adept at lying. They know how to spin tales. And spin them well. I hope you are doing well now, though. Take care.
Reply
Shel
6/3/2017 03:34:44 am
Yes... i am struggling with what i believe is a narcissist gf... She has bounced back and forth to her ex and me now for 1 yr 6 months thus blaming me taking my life away, having me believe im the narcissist that all i say is not true, im loosing my mind in this.. She actually has called out her future acts telling me, after, studying me what her intentions were "destroying my life".. She has gone as far as to set me up time after time attempting to have me arrested for such things as rape and domestic violence, she achieved it with domestic violence having me cover for all her abuse. Its the emotional rollercoaster causing lack of sleep including her to sit over me while i try to sleep disallowing it. Her past she had a man kill himself with a pistol in front of her, im a strong man but the psychological abuse of her games has tore me to pieces, gutting me, leaving me financially and emotionally unstable. The bouncing to her x living with him claiming he is family when i lost our home leaving me struggle with the prospect never knowing the truth of her and him has been my undoing, he too is suffering from something and they as a team seem to be able as to cause me more unimaginable hurt. Ive indured some unspeakable things with loving her and am trying to escape the psychological impacts...
Reply
Lenice Cl
6/4/2017 10:23:58 am
I am dealing with the same thing. I went online to psychologtoday.come and read some articles. This was the type of person I'm dealing with. I'm done!!! Can't deal with liars.
Reply
shasta
6/17/2017 02:12:03 pm
I'm 62. Dealing again with the aftermath of a diagnosed narcissist father- he was happy when he was diagnosed, "There's no cure!" he said gleefully. He lies about the beating. He lies about touching me in ways he shouldn't have- I made it up, his parents are to blame, he was not the abusive parent- only my mother... he still lies about the events of my childhood. he can't understand what he did to teach me i wasn't valued. he lies about the women he had affairs with, the marriages he helped fail. My older sister committed suicide in 2000- it was my mother's fault. and on and on and on.
Reply
Linda bblegen
7/6/2017 02:52:54 pm
I'm so sorry for your pain. The evil people will pay in the end that's a promise. Remember you are a good person that's all that matters, and you are blessed because of it.
Reply
Kevin
7/15/2017 05:19:02 am
Crazy making. Truth is my head is still spinning. It's not a good idea to go ahead and read someone's journals or their rehab journals or??? But in this case I'm glad I did. Been with this gal for 4 years and we were engaged. She broke it off with me actually and then my behavior was sort of inhuman. I wanted her back so bad it paralyzed me. All my friends and family were trying to get me to understand why she wasn't good for me but I kept defending her saying "but I see that little girl in her dying to come out and I have so much compassion for her". But the reality is and I'm still going over it in my head which is still spinning-she is a true narcissist and victim. I can't even describe how she broke me emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. I feel like I have been soul-raped. Everyone who meets her instantly take her side, she is such a gem!! I should be so lucky!!! The lies, manipulation, emotional abuse, alcoholism, physical abuse, oh and the cheating. I knew things but over time I was second and even third guessing myself. Many people who know me think the world of me-I need to hear that to be revalidated. I have many gifts and talents. She has broken me and I'm one of the most resilient people around. So. Next Monday I enter an outpatient program for crisis trauma victims. It's that bad. But I'm starting to see, little by little, the truth. I knew it all along. But. There's not enough room to explain. The stories I have are epic and the way she has made me doubt everything about me and the anxiety and stress that has manifested itself into a medical record that reads like a rap sheet. I believe God puts people in our path for a reason. I really need to have a word with Him. I still love her so much but this is now part of my own insanity. If I had one word to describe what I have been through I would have to make one up. My life has been hijacked and my business is teetering on the edge of ruin. Thank God I have so many great and compassionate people in my support group, especially my clients. Wish me luck. I feel like I am waking up from something indescribable.
Reply
Ellen
8/12/2017 01:56:07 am
I'm sorry this happened to you,you deserve so much better,stay strong.
Reply
Regina
12/30/2018 03:39:18 am
Like you my head is still spinning... Although we've been divorced a year. Also like you I was a strong and independent woman and I never saw it coming. Before I even knew what happened I was seeing a phychiatrist and having shock treatments on my brain for depression, he had me thinking I was crazy. His last girlfriend tried to commit suicide. The really messed up part of all of it is that I still miss him. I don't know that it's actually him that I miss or just that I wasnt alone... When in reality I was even more alone then because 90% of the time I was getting the silent treatment. I left town and am doing my best to start over, I hope you have been successful in doing the same. Anything is better than where we were!! You take care of you!
Reply
Belinda
7/16/2017 05:03:59 am
The nar lied by saying one of our friend was upset , and when I asked the friend whom she said was upset never said that to the nar.Then she tried to say I said she was upset.
Reply
Robyn Stirratt
7/29/2017 09:17:38 am
He lied about everything under the sum, including having cancer. He even lied to his own children about it. He says he waa a stunt double in movies, waa President of a motorcycle club, broke his wrist racing dirtbikes but really it was a work injury. Convinced me to move in with him all too quickly and truth came to light a few.months later after I made the mistake of marrying him. He rents a back hour on a large piece of property and his lie is that he owns all of it but he rents the front house to her. Found out. When the rent was months behind that waa not true either and it started from there. I could go on for days about his antics, and he still tries to do it even after we are divorced!
Reply
Anne Marie
6/7/2018 11:30:19 pm
Now that I've accepted and delt with my Narasisit ex, my mind is working overtime remembering all the lies. Lies that I believed because I wanted to. Be Nasty dating sites icons, disappearing, it all is a nightmare I don't want to fully know. It's depressing and humilitating. I wonder just how many knew he was living with me and still participated in cheating. How deep down in my core I knew I was right about it all. Never don't your gut! I'd
Reply
Regina
12/30/2018 03:49:36 am
Same with mine dating web sites, lies, etc. I went so far as to putting up cameras and saw there was so much more going on than I could ever imagine!! He had another phone and even with pictures of him with another phone up to his ear he still lies and says he didn't have another phone- it's amazing the stuff they try to convince us of* funny thing is... they think we do. I think we are lucky to get out of it, their new girlfriend is in for the same rollercoaster ride we were on.
Reply
Thea Harmon
10/23/2018 10:42:22 pm
So how can you get them to let go so I can move on what do you do with a narcissist that just is so jealous they can't see straight
Reply
Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
Leave a Reply. |
Like the FFNAEA Facebook page by clicking the icon below!
Welcome
Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna Jen, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you! Archives
December 2022
The Top 10
Here you will find my most popular posts for easier discovery.
Tightening Your Facebook Privacy Settings How Narcissists Make Sure You Never Solve Problems In A Relationship How I Lost My Identity The Fake Apology Effects of Emotional Abuse Why You Should Never Defend Yourself Against The Narcissist's Smear Campaign Emotionally Abusive Behaviors Going No Contact: A List Of What To Do And What Not To Do An Open Letter To All Survivors Who Just Got Out Of An Abusive Situation Emotional Rape Categories
All
Copyright Notice
©2016-2023. Freedom From Narcissistic And Emotional Abuse. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material (in full or in part) without the express written consent of this blog's author/owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Freedom From Narcissistic And Emotional Abuse with a link back to the original content.
Disclaimer
The content of this site is told from the blog author/owner's personal experience of dealing with a male Narcissist. Narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths are both male and female, and come from all walks of life. Furthermore, the content contained herein is not intended to be a replacement for medical or legal counsel. This blog's sole purpose is to provide support to those who have endured Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse.
|