When I was first in my healing journey, I often found myself asking why the NX did certain things in certain time frames and in certain manners. Why did certain things happen every so often?
I discovered it's because of a Narcissist's behavioral patterns. They operate in a cyclical manner, coming back around to behaviors, words, phrases, and tactics they think work in their favor.
"Cyclical" just means that something happens in a predictable pattern over regular intervals. Cyclical comes from the word cycle, which is simply movement in a circular fashion.
In terms of the Narcissist, this makes perfect sense. They cycle back around to words, phrases and methods/tactics of abuse that they think will cause us the most harm. Hoovering, threats, bullying, intimidation, putdowns (and much much more) all work in this manner. In my situation, the NX seems to circle back around to dish out more of his abuse about every 2-3 months. Now, I know what many survivors would say. Just go No Contact. For the most part, I am. However, since the NX has custody of the children, I have been using what is called Minimal (or Low) Contact. (I explore No Contact and Minimal Contact in my blog Going No Contact: A List Of What To Do And What Not To Do.) Most recently, the NX contacted me last month. I did not answer calls or texts. But his relentless amount of times he contacted me (countless phone calls, voicemails and texts) goes to show what Narcissists are capable of. Each time, his demeanor changed. Each time, his threats became increasingly more angered and demanding. This doesn't surprise me. It's one of the many things I learned in my healing journey. Narcissists are predictable. Their behavioral patterns are just that......patterns. They repeat themselves, and you can basically predict when they are going to "go off" again. In the beginning of my healing journey though, I often asked myself why Narcissists do this. Why do they come back around? Why are they cyclical? This can be answered in a number of ways: First, if you are in your healing journey (and no matter for how long), Narcissists want to ensure you don't heal or stay healed. They HATE to see you thriving, happy and successful. They cycle back around to you in hopes that they will once again be successful in cutting you to the quick and bring you down. Second, Narcissists will almost always return to their supply sources. They want to see if you'll take their bait.....whatever that bait may be. They want to see if you'll be receptive to their hoovering, or their threats. Third, it basically boils down to the Narcissistic Cycle of Abuse. In the image below, you can see how the cycle of abuse just viciously goes around and around, seemingly with no end in sight. It follows the "idealize, devalue and discard" cycle.
Narcissists follow this same pattern because it's what they know. It's how they operate. In their eyes, why would they deviate from something that they think works?
Bottom Line When you are away or out of your situation, you can see with more clarity and realize what and who they are. Narcissists are nothing but cyclical creatures that come back around in attempts to inflict additional abuse on us. What are your experiences with Narcissists and their cyclical behaviors? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories with me.
2 Comments
Marsha
5/20/2022 11:09:12 pm
It’s been 15 years we were 20 when we met the love bomb in phase was not the typical when I suppose when you look at people or when you listen to stories to read stories or whatever. You is what you would call the bad boy kind of tough on the exterior so his love bomb and was more like always wanting me around him he would come and pick me up and keep me at his place for 3-4days at a time show me off to everybody. Then about six months in a row my 21st birthday he took me out and while we were out he told me he wasn’t gonna take me to the hood anymore because it was hot out there may be young I’m just like OK whatever but he said he was gonna come visit me so I was fine with that. I guess that’s the first transition because he just started coming over at night and then you know spending time with me and then leaving but not that much time only an hour if you can if you catch my drift. Me being young I understood that relationships flames go out and we’re not meant to be with everybody so yeah it is her but I had some male cousins that were telling me that you know he wasn’t the relationship type in to find somebody that was. I received that information and it was already somebody that was trying to get with me so I started dating him and I’ve decided to feel him out a little bit before I was in things with the other guy ironically enough in the three weeks that I’m seeing this new guy I hadn’t even heard from old guy. So this particular night the new guy wants to come over and watch a game or a fight or something and I was like OK and on the way on the walk over from his place to mine I had brought up that I technically was still seeing the other guy had ended things but I hadn’t spoken with him either but technically we were still a thing this night ends up being the night that he decides to make an appearance. When he walks in to me then he looks hurt in the face and he ends up walking into the kitchen after I ask him some stupid question about why he was there because I was nervous when he goes into the kitchen I asked new guy to leave and it’s funny because he was a little reluctant because he wanted to see the game or whatever was on but he did end up leaving and by the time all guy came out the kitchen he was gone now I thought we were going to talk about it but he begins to kiss me passionately and tries to mark his territory which made me uncomfortable so I’ve word vomited all my feelings about you know why we were here in this place right now. He angrily brushes past me and leaves silence ghost me but I’m feeling really bad because now I feel like a cheated on him and he’s hurt so I write him a long text and explain my side of things and it’s the first time that I tell them that you know I love you but it is it feels like you know things aren’t going right and we’re breaking up or whatever. I guess to him that meant oh that was his way back in so he came over that night and he began to love on the hell out of me and two months later I was pregnant he actually didn’t show another bad side to him until I was around four months and I left out of town and he didn’t like that I left out of town so he kind of discarded me the entire time I was out of town I was so hurt and pregnant with his child. That was just the beginning of a long cycle of him love bombing me when I’m ready to go and then manipulating me to stay and then D valuing me and discarding mean until eventually six years ago or last daughter we ended up having four kids the last one when I thought I was pregnant he didn’t wanna Keper and he said he didn’t want anything to do with any of us. Although he won’t leave the home but he doesn’t like us and he acts like he doesn’t like us
Reply
Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
Leave a Reply. |
Like the FFNAEA Facebook page by clicking the icon below!
Welcome
Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna Jen, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you! Archives
December 2022
The Top 10
Here you will find my most popular posts for easier discovery.
Tightening Your Facebook Privacy Settings How Narcissists Make Sure You Never Solve Problems In A Relationship How I Lost My Identity The Fake Apology Effects of Emotional Abuse Why You Should Never Defend Yourself Against The Narcissist's Smear Campaign Emotionally Abusive Behaviors Going No Contact: A List Of What To Do And What Not To Do An Open Letter To All Survivors Who Just Got Out Of An Abusive Situation Emotional Rape Categories
All
Copyright Notice
©2016-2023. Freedom From Narcissistic And Emotional Abuse. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material (in full or in part) without the express written consent of this blog's author/owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Freedom From Narcissistic And Emotional Abuse with a link back to the original content.
Disclaimer
The content of this site is told from the blog author/owner's personal experience of dealing with a male Narcissist. Narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths are both male and female, and come from all walks of life. Furthermore, the content contained herein is not intended to be a replacement for medical or legal counsel. This blog's sole purpose is to provide support to those who have endured Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse.
|