After the Narcissist, life is chaos. That's exactly how the Narcissists want it. They want to see you struggle....and fail. But there is a way to get your life back!
Reclaiming your life and getting back to who you were before the Narcissist isn't easy. In fact, it's downright difficult. You'll have some pretty horrible days as you head down the path of healing and recovery. (But, you'll have some good days, too.)
The following ways to get back your life are in no particular order. 1. Therapy Finding a therapist who is familiar with narcissistic and emotional abuse is essential. The person will be better equipped to assist you in your recovery. I had a therapist in the town where I lived after my NX discarded me who wasn't familiar with it at all. While she did start me in the right direction with providing me with reading materials, it didn't help me get to the nitty gritty. I also attended group therapy at a women's shelter in that town, as well. That's where I was introduced to the Power and Control wheel, and the book But He Never Hit Me by Dr Jill Murray. Those 2 things were quite instrumental in getting me further down my healing path. My eyes began to open further. It wasn't until I got to the city I currently live in that I found a therapist in a women's shelter who was very familiar with emotional abuse. I was officially diagnosed with PTSD and she introduced me to EMDR therapy. (Read my blog posts PTSD As A Result Of Narcissistic Abuse and EMDR: How It Helped Me for more.) 2. Boundaries A critical step to getting back your life after the Narcissist is creating boundaries. If you have to have some kind of contact with the Narc (like if you have children together), then boundaries are a must. It could be as something as simple as the Narc not being allowed to disrespect you , especially in front of the children. Or it could be being firm with no calls past a certain hour. 3. No Contact To get your life back after the Narcissist, it is essential to cut off all contact with the Narcissist. It will keep you from being tempted to run back to them or accept phone calls, texts or emails. (Read my blog Going No Contact: A List Of What To Do and What Not To Do for more.) 4. Try new things Part of getting your life back also consists of getting back out into the world. Do something different. Try something new. Learn a new craft or hobby, learn how to scuba dive, go camping with friends. Bottom line Put yourself out there. I know it'll be scary. But it's an important step in getting back your freedom, your sense of self, and your confidence. How have you gotten your life back after the Narcissist? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories with me.
4 Comments
Marlynda
1/7/2017 06:31:40 am
I have to thank you first and foremost for creating this blog. Someone from one of my support groups posted the fb post you had on your fb page, "speaking your truth" on fb and it lead me here. I am in the process of getting my life back (again). It was for 1 yr and 3 months I managed with the help of therapy and a 12 step program regarding addictive relationships, that I had no contact with the NX. But, when he found a way to contact me through an unfamiliar email about how he has changed, I tried to resist replying (2wks) but eventually gave in. This was 4 months ago and I found out the next day that was a lie. It took 2 months to get myself out of that spiral when he was avoiding me for a month (found out he was in another relationship) and it nearly destroyed me again. With the help of my sponsor, we decided to send a clear message and block him "do not contact me again." I have been in no contact for 2 months after that message was sent and 3 wks ago he shows up at midnight at my home knocking at my window, door, ringing the door bell, and jiggling the handle, and using the flashlight probably from his phone, trying to get me to answer. Come to find out by the officer, he was dropped off there by his current gf. I was asleep when this occurred, but my automatic response was to call 911 and I hid in the restroom. The officer who came suggested I get an injunction (restraining order) and I started, with the help of an advocate from the place I had therapy (victims service center Orlando Florida) the process. It was approved on Thursday and my hearing is on the 20th to make it permanent. The strength and courage to speak and to continue forward sometimes feels like I am walking in thick mud, but what you shared in getting our lives back, is what I need to see more. One of my friends shared with me that has stuck is, " the reason you are doing this (injunction) is to have a life". I know there has to be a balance because right now I feel so much hyperventilates about my safety and this process, that it has been feeling like I am not living my whole life (complete attention at work, eating, home chores, bills etc). I just hope that with this going through, he will finally live me alone. There is that part of me that feels guilty for contacting him back when I was away for so long. But, I know I can't stay in that guilt because I know this was a struggle for me for so long (3 yrs). Again thank you for your courage for creating this blog. I look forward to using it to help me in this journey of healing.
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Jenn
1/11/2017 06:20:21 am
Marlynda......I am humbled that my posts have found their way to you. That has been my goal....that my words reach people. And they have. I am happy that you are on a healing journey now. Don't feel bad for contacting him that one time. I frequently "narc dipped" too and checked my NX's Facebook page, mainly to see if there was anything I could ever use against him or for photos of my kids, since I rarely ever gets pics from the NX. Anyway, I understand the guilt you feel though for contacting him. It's all a part of the process of healing. Good luck to you on the 20th when you go get the injunction made permanent. If you haven't already, like my Facebook page to keep up with my posts. Take care. I'll be thinking of you.
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Lotte hendriks
8/13/2017 03:29:55 am
Hi, I just stumbled on you in my newsfeed and I would like you to know how I transformed myself from a victim to a thriver. One thing was the most important: I changed EVERYTHING. My house,my profession, my wardrobe, my friends, my interests, my way of thinking, all of it. Plus four years of NC, which sadly lead to an estrangement between me and my daughter of twelve, but it was a blessing nontheless. Now I have a new job with a lot of perpespective, went back to college to study something completely different ( i already earned two Honours degrees), I won an internship, I have a lovely apartment, look my best instead of wearing only jeans, and finally after 12 years of struggling on my own I found a new partner, who is nothing like my nex.and am alive again. I am fifty, but I feel like thirty, my whole personality has come back and is still expanding. Boundaries come naturally to me these days and my lover respects them. No drama, no fights, no accusations, no put-downs, no guilt trips, no manipulation, no emotional injruries. Just respect, transparency, freedom and harmony. I feel like the luckiest woman on earht!
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Amanda
7/6/2018 12:33:13 am
I am half way there I don’t contact him and I have blocked him. I live in a town where I know very few people and I need to find things to do besides work and home. I seem to lack the motivation to
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna Jen, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you! Archives
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