In our healing journeys, we are bound to come across those who tell us how to heal. We may be told to “get over it” or “aren’t you healed yet” and things of that nature. What outsiders don’t understand is this: We are the captains of our recovery ships.
That’s right, my warrior survivor friends. We get to decide how to navigate the waters. And if that means taking the long way around, then that’s okay. We are the ones who get to decide how we heal, which includes the length of time we spend healing. There is no specific timetable on healing and how long it takes. So take as long as you need!
It took me a while to find my way out of the fog that clouded my vision of myself. You, too, will find your way. It doesn’t matter how long that takes either. Healing is a long journey, and one that cannot be rushed. We need to delve into our wounds. Why, you ask? In the medical community, you debride a wound so that it can heal properly. Our healing journeys from Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse can be seen much in the same way. We need to dig deep into our wounds and get to the heart of the matter. Work through the fog so that we can see more clearly and understand what we endured. And when we have understanding, we have knowledge. When we have knowledge, we have power. We all have choices, my friends. These choices consist of having the ability to choose how we want to walk down our path of recovery. Take your time. Walk your path with purpose. To ignore certain feelings, or rush the healing, can backfire on us. Sometimes in the most unexpected ways and inopportune times. One key thing to remember: You are not what the Narcissists said you are. You are not worthless like the Narcissist made you feel. You are not stupid like the Narcissist made you think. You are not crazy like the Narcissist made you feel. What you are is this…stronger than you believe and smarter than you give yourself credit for. You are an amazing person with so much to offer this world. Bottom line You will find your way. You will navigate through the rough waters that is healing and recovery. And you will come out stronger on the other side! Others will no doubt disagree with what we do or how we handle our healing. But that is OUR choice, OUR life. They do not walk in our shoes. So you get to decide, my friends. You are the captain of your recovery ship. How have you been navigating your ship, my friends? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories with me.
2 Comments
Brenda
4/1/2018 04:36:01 pm
Thank you for your insight, I can use a lot lately. I am not doing well at being the captain of my own ship. It's hard to be a captain when you've never been one. Ever. If you are not the captain of your own life and your self-esteem is totally dependent on outside approval, validation and permission, recovery/healing is very hard. I went no-contact with my abusive narcissisic mother 3 months ago. It has been freeing but also anxiety ridden. It's a lonely road when you have been the scapegoat of the family for 59 years. Not a lot of understanding or support and a lot of flying monkeys and smear campaigning going on. I can't deal with her at all anymore on any level. And the worst of it, is she has been trying to totally throw me away, oust me from the family for my whole life but could never accomplish it without looking bad. And now that she has garnered support from her monkeys, put 100% of the blame on me for her awful behavior and she has accomplished ousting me from the family and nobody cares. I don't miss the unhealthy relationship with her but I do miss having a family of origin. She used me going 'no-contact' to finish off her agenda. I am sad that cutting off an unhealthy abusive relationship had to cost me other relationships I valued. Healing is hard work, it's sad and it's lonely. Even though my siblings know she is mentally ill and they know she is abusive towards me, they are able to keep a connection with her that benefits her and doesn't cost them anything. They can be themselves with her, I always had to tiptoe on egg shells. I am sad and a little angry at the unfairness, why me? Why did she always target just me, how could I be so dispensable, how could any human be dispensable? It's kind of ironic, my personality changed and I got more assertive for the first time in my life when I took on a new job last year and I stood up to her and went 'no-contact' as a result of my new found strength. I was so proud of myself and now I have reverted back to the little kid coping skills.(around the time I went 'no-contact') I quit the other job and went back to an old one that has a toxic work environment. This whole experience made me realize how much of an impact upbringing has on your later in life choices: husband, jobs, relationships you are attracted to, etc. And when you wake up one day and realize they have been unhealthy choices, you feel like you have just been born 59 years later and now you have to grow up all at once. It's a bit of a learning curve and it's overwhelming. I know my post was all over the place, but I have a lot going on mentally and emotionally to process and heal and I am trying to take baby steps. It is not a linear process. I am the mother of 5 adult children who are my world and I am so happy they did not have to spend one day being mentally, verbally, emotionally or physically abused but a mentally ill mother who's agenda was to destroy you.
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Brenda
4/1/2018 04:41:48 pm
I just posted a long comment and I want new comments to this post sent to me by email if my comment is posted. I forgot to check the box, the only way to do it was to post again and check the box, I apologize!
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna Jen, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you! Archives
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