Out of all the questions that ran through my mind in my healing journey, the one that kept coming up is “Why did he choose me?” Knowing why the Narcissists choose us is essential to our healing and recovery.
There is so much right with us
That’s the long and short of it. The Narcissists choose us for what is RIGHT with us. Ironically, they would have us believe otherwise. The Narcissists want us to think they are rescuing us because we have a lot wrong with us. That is just not true. There is nothing wrong with us. The Narcissists choose us because we are empaths. What is an empath? The Mind Unleashed sums it up well in their article “30 traits of an Empath (How to know if you’re an Empath.” Being an empath is when you are affected by other people’s energies, and have an innate ability to intuitively feel and perceive others. Your life is unconsciously influenced by others’ desires, wishes, thoughts, and moods. Being an empath is much more than being highly sensitive and it’s not just limited to emotions. Empaths can perceive physical sensitivities and spiritual urges, as well as just knowing the motivations and intentions of other people. It is for that reason that Narcissists reel us in. They hone in on our innate abilities, our willingness to help others in need and our sensitivities to others. Narcissists exploit our good nature. They portray themselves as a victim (typically from a previous relationship) so that we can help “fix” them or “heal” them by tending to their “wounded” hearts. While this is going on, the Narcissists will begin their lovebombing stage. Our willingness to help others in need coupled with the Narcissist’s lovebombing will almost always hook us in. And that is what they are counting on. They purposely seek us out! They want the challenge of breaking down people like us. People who exhibit strength, confidence, intelligence, a willingness to help others, and who are driven. And when they succeed at breaking us down, they further bolster their ego and superiority complex. Bottom line Narcissists choose us because we actually are better than them. And they know this. They want us to feel as miserable as they are. They need someone to take care of their endless child-like needs. And they won’t choose anyone who can’t provide that. During our healing journey, we cannot allow anyone to cause us to feel worthless ever again. We cannot allow the Narcissists to cause us to harbor any doubt about ourselves. Have you often wondered why the Narcissist chose you? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories with me.
3 Comments
BuffyTVS
5/18/2017 11:11:42 pm
Yes I wonder why he chose me. A very good question for all that happen to have one cross their path. But I want to take a position that maybe I chose him to? I did meet him online and found his profile unique and interesting. I remember telling myself that I wanted to choose someone different then the norm, boy did I ever! But part of what I ask of myself is part of my self discovery. Why do I pick the wrong person, as if I have "I'm a sucker radar". I think we need to go back to our childhood, which therapy is helping me discover. That I choose the dominate parent, and some of the passive parent that never met my needs. The dominant one was destructive much like my Narc. I had to accept my past was destroying my present and future. Knowing this has made me aware of my weaknesses, my vulnerabilities, my damaged self esteem. I do know I will never be the same after this relationship, however, I have learned so much about myself. Yes, I agree with your blog, I do have all the characteristics of an empath, but maybe some of it needs to be funneled carefully. I say I sought the narc out to, because it did take two to continue the relationship. Also I'm aware that a narc's toxic charm is difficult to deflect unless you've had the experience to realize before you've fallen down the rabbit hole, that hopefully you're better equipped in getting the hell out asap.
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Jenn
5/28/2017 05:08:56 pm
Buffy.......I see where you're coming from. I do disagree with the "it takes two to tango" part, though. We, as survivors and empaths, believe the world to be good, honest and true. That nothing is bad. (Even though we may see images on TV of wars and destruction.) But to blame ourselves too for what the Narcissists do to us? Hmm, I'm not sure I agree with that. We fell for what the Narcissists presented to us.....a picture of perfection, charm, the perfect mate. They mirror our good qualities in hopes that we would see in them what we know to be true of ourselves. We basically chose ourselves! Does that make sense? They are reflecting back to us what we give out to the world. We are choosing ourselves. Then they turn on us and do all the things Narcs do. When you said it takes two to continue the relationship, respectfully, I disagree with that as well. I am sure you must have heard of the terms "trauma bonding" and "Stockholm Syndrome" in your therapy sessions. If not, research them. These terms describe what victims/survivors have gone through. It's not that we chose to continue the relationship, it's that we didn't know any other way. We did what we had to in order to survive. This is because the Narcissists conditioned us to believe that we cannot live without them, so in order to survive, we stayed with them.
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Arthur
12/27/2017 01:45:14 pm
I was conditioned from birth by my mother(professional victim narc) and by my beaten down and hollowed out father. Loved my father dearly. Hated my mother because she just would not stop her out of control bull shit behavior. A mother like this only makes 2 types of children. Narcissistic monsters and people pleasers. There was 8 of us. 6 narcs and 2 people pleasers.narcs don't take personal responsibility for themselves so the spend their time looking for people pleasers to do it for them. That is exactly what a people pleaser wants is someone the NEEDS them and they take responsibility for themselves and everyone else in their circle.
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna Jen, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you! Archives
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