You found the love of your life. Things seem great…for a while. Then things began to get edgy. Your love began to devalue you. You aren’t thought of in the same way as when the relationship first began. You begin to feel that how the person is treating you isn’t quite right. You can’t put your finger on it. Then, from what seems like out of nowhere, you are dumped. Discarded like yesterday’s trash. Yet, even after the supposed end of the relationship, the abuse is continuing. So if the relationship is over, why does the abuse still happen? Why does the abuse continue even after the discard?
Why the abuse keeps happening
Narcissists love to have power and control over people. Even after they are discarded. So this stands to reason that they will keep their abuse tactics ongoing for as long as possible. They don’t want to give up their source of supply!
You were in their life for one reason, and one reason only. To provide them with attention, adulation, and supply. That supply could even come in the form of you reacting to their abuse tactics. Any reaction at all (good or bad) gives them the “high” that they need.
So even when you are discarded, doesn’t mean the abuse is over. On the contrary. Your eternal hell can just be beginning.
It’s a cycle with them
Everything the Narcissists do is cyclical. Meaning, there are cycles to their behavior. My NX can go for months of ignoring me, then think of something just to contact me. It happens about every 2 months or so. It could be something as simple as asking if I’ll be visiting the children that year. Or it could be an email that contains stinging remarks to keep my spirit down.
You see, Narcissists hate when we are on a good healing path. They don’t like to see us happy and thriving. So they do what they must in order to keep that power and control over us. And that means coming back around every so often to ensure that we aren’t healing.
Narcissists want to make sure that they stay in our minds. They accomplish this by coming back around every so often. They will never leave you alone. You will always be in their lives in some form or fashion. If they can’t contact you (because you went No Contact) to abuse you, they will abuse you by proxy (as in getting someone else to do it for them).
It’s a never-ending rollercoaster with them. They won’t ever let you get off the ride. Why would they? They need the supply like an addict needs a fix. They can’t let go. They need to have multiple sources of supply in order to maintain the grandiose image they hold of themselves.
How we can protect ourselves
The first thing that comes to mind when I think of protecting myself against my NX is maintaining my healing path. Just stay on course. Keep journaling. Keep attending therapy sessions. Keep posting in your online support communities. Whatever you do on your healing path, keep doing it. As long as we stay on a good healing path, the Narcissists will have more difficulty in tearing us down. We won’t be bothered by what they say or do.
Protecting yourself can also mean going full-on No Contact. I discuss that in length in my blog post Going No Contact: A List Of What To Do And What Not To Do. Depending on your situation, you may also need to obtain a restraining order or a protection order. Your physical safety should always come first, readers.
Narcissists continue the abuse even after the discard because they need the supply. They crave it. It’s their life force. They will keep drawing supply from you as long as possible. They will always test your boundaries, to see what you will and will not allow. To see if you can be drawn back into their chaos.
Have you experienced the abuse continuing after the discard? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories with me.
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you!
The Top 10
Here you will find my most popular posts for easier discovery.
How Narcissists Make Sure You Never Solve Problems In A Relationship
The Fake Apology
How I Lost My Identity
Effects of Emotional Abuse
Emotionally Abusive Behaviors
Tightening Your Facebook Privacy Settings
Why You Should Never Defend Yourself Against The Narcissist's Smear Campaign
Going No Contact: A List Of What To Do And What Not To Do
An Open Letter To All Survivors Who Just Got Out Of An Abusive Situation
The Great Manipulator
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The content of this site is told from the blog author/owner's personal experience of dealing with a male Narcissist. Narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths are both male and female, and come from all walks of life. Furthermore, the content contained herein is not intended to be a replacement for medical or legal counsel. This blog's sole purpose is to provide support to those who have endured Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse.