Disagreements and arguments with others is a part of life. But when those arguments are with Narcissists, it becomes a whole different ballgame. It’s a bad idea to argue with Narcissists.
Simply put, they will never let you “win” a disagreement. They have an irrational need to always be right, no matter the cost. They will pull out every tactic in their playbook to drive the intensity of the argument higher and higher.
Narcissists want to create a frenzied environment when it comes to arguments. They need to flame the fire so hard, that it will drive you to get more heated as the argument goes on. I learned that the more heated an exchange with my NX was, the more pleased he was with himself.
It didn’t dawn on me until after the argument had ended, that he intended for the argument to happen the way that it did. He would feed off of hurting, confusing, and bewildering me. The more frenzied I became, the cooler he would become. He’d pretend to keep his cool while I was getting all worked up. The result would have me looking like the unstable one!
Narcissists will say whatever they can to provoke you into a debate with them. Don’t take their bait! It will lead you into having a circular conversation with them. And there is NO winning with them when it comes to circular conversations.
They toss out such stinging remarks during these argumentative bouts because they want a reaction from you. Any kind of reaction. It can be a positive or a negative reaction. My NX has slung some pretty caustic remarks in the past. Remarks about my family. Remarks about me. He knows how these words can sting, so he says them. That’s part of what makes a Narcissist so dangerous. In the beginning, they seek out all sorts of information from you – your hopes and dreams, your fears, family history, goals. The list goes on. They tuck all that information away to use against you at a later time.
Arguing with a Narcissist is exhausting. They will drag the argument out until you explode in frustration, or you give in to their demands. Or both. If you feel you have to respond to them in the moment, be as obscure as possible. I used to just give in to my NX in these outrageous debates just to pacify him. I wanted to “keep the peace” and have him let me be.
But that’s the illusion. They never let you be. They will stay on top of you the whole time. They will consistently poke the embers of the flame to start another argument.
I haven’t been with my NX in nearly 7 years. So I don’t have the daily abuse that I used to. His go-to form of verbal abuse is via email now. If it doesn’t have to do with the children, I simply don’t respond to the email at all. Why engage in his corrosive realm if I don’t have to? If the verbal lashing is interspersed with news or an update about my children, I respond to only the parts pertaining to my children.
Narcissists are masters at manipulating arguments to their liking. They need to win at all costs. It would be a bad idea to say things like “Yeah, but…” or proceed to tell them what you think. You will not be heard. They don’t care. They will argue every point you try to make. And you will not win.
What has been your experience with Narcissists and their arguing techniques? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories with me.
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you!
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The content of this site is told from the blog author/owner's personal experience of dealing with a male Narcissist. Narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths are both male and female, and come from all walks of life. Furthermore, the content contained herein is not intended to be a replacement for medical or legal counsel. This blog's sole purpose is to provide support to those who have endured Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse.