Communicating with Narcissists is not an easy task. We must be prepared for the onslaught of circular conversations, underhanded putdowns, verbal jabs and more. If we can avoid contact and conversations with the Narcissists, then we must do so. However, it is when we must communicate with them that we must be on guard.
If I don’t have to communicate with the NX, then I don’t. That includes not calling, texting or emailing. I don’t check up on him to say hello. (That’s what friends do, and I can say with absolute certainty, that the NX and I are NOT friends.)
But for the times that I must communicate with him, I do so ONLY through email. (Unless he catches me off guard, and calls on their home phone and I pick up thinking it’s my children calling.) If it’s having to do with something particular, like a visit with my children, I keep the emails short and to the point.
That is something to bear in mind, my friends.
When communicating with the Narcissists through emails, they will no doubt go off on severe tangents. They will likely bring up every wrong thing you’ve ever done. Or go off on some other rant. If you are communicating about the children, keep your replies to just that. No need to address the rants they go off on. That will only feed their supply.
This is a very important concept to rely on when communicating with the Narcissists. It is a method that will take time to perfect. They will make every attempt to draw us in and get us to give them the supply they crave.
But what is gray rock?
Gray rock is the way you communicate with them. Rocks don’t have emotions. So when you respond to them, do so with no emotion attached. Like a rock. Give a short answer.
This method will work for a Narcissistic Ex, a coworker or boss, or even a family member that you have to see every now and then. Be as unexciting as you can.
“In order to go Gray Rock, when you must engage with the Narcissist, only talk about boring things: your laundry, getting your oil changed, doing your taxes. Do not talk about anything that will make them jealous or in any way encourages them to cause drama. Do not talk about how great things are going for you, or any accomplishments you or your children are having, or how great your life is now that they aren’t in it.”
But what about when you have to see them?
When I have a visit with my children, I combine my use of the Gray Rock method with the use of NO eye contact. Narcissists bank on our empathic nature to look people in the eyes when they speak. So they will say anything or make grand gestures with their hands or arms just to get us to look at them.
Typically, I will make direct eye contact with others when I speak with them. Doing so shows an interest in what the other person is saying. But if we are to employ the use of Gray Rock, we need to disengage with the Narcissist. And to do that, we must not make eye contact!
So what do you do?
When I visit with my children, I pretend I make eye contact with him. How? I just fixate on a point just behind him to make it appear like I am looking directly at him. To give the illusion that I am paying attention and looking at him. I also give short, unemotional answers. I “uh huh” and “okay” him every chance I get.
So when you must communicate with the Narcissist, don’t just use the Gray Rock method or just through email. Explore other ways that you can maintain as little contact as possible with them.
What other things do you in order to keep it as simple as possible when you must communicate with the Narcissist? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories with me.
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you!
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The content of this site is told from the blog author/owner's personal experience of dealing with a male Narcissist. Narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths are both male and female, and come from all walks of life. Furthermore, the content contained herein is not intended to be a replacement for medical or legal counsel. This blog's sole purpose is to provide support to those who have endured Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse.