Narcissists will categorize their children. They will place titles on their children in accordance with how they treat them. It doesn't matter if a family has one child or 10 children, the labels of the Scapegoat, the Conformer, the Runner and the Golden Child will always be present.
According to Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers, the Golden Child is one who “can do no wrong. She gets given the best of everything – perhaps even apartments or houses bought for her. Her most minor achievements are celebrated and held up for admiration. Her misdemeanours are glossed over and ignored.”
The Narcissist will choose a particular child for this “honor.” This is the child who is the most perfect child. A child who, despite when mistakes are made, will never bear the brunt of the Narcissist’s wrath.
Why a Golden Child must “exist”
The Golden Child is the yang to the Scapegoat’s yin. The light to the Scapegoat’s dark. The upside to the Scapegoat’s downside.
You see, the Golden Child can do no wrong in the Narcissist’s eyes. The Narcissist will brag about the child, ignore the child’s faults, and, if there is more than one child in the family, dote on that child as if this child was the only child.
Why these labels will always be present
I feel there can be more than one label on a child. I have two children with my NX. I feel as if my daughter holds the Golden Child label AND the Conformer label. I feel as if my son holds the Scapegoat label AND the Conformer label. It will remain to be seen if either of my children will take on the label of Runner.
Conversely, my NX has 3 other siblings. With what I know of each “label,” I feel as if my NX holds the Scapegoat label, his twin the Conformer label, his immediate older brother the Golden Child label, and the eldest brother the Runner label. (The last I knew, no one in that family has spoken to the eldest child in years.)
The barrier these labels create
Placing labels on anyone will create a rivalry. If the Golden Child can do no wrong, that means the Scapegoat can do nothing right. This will place the Scapegoat in a position of feeling extreme jealousy and hatred towards the Golden Child.
The Golden Child’s real strengths (and even weaknesses) are always overlooked by the Narcissists because they can only see in black and white. The Narcissists only see the world in good or bad. And thus, they place the “good” or “bad” label on each child within the family.
As a result of these labels placed upon them, the children will begin to take on many of the Narcissist’s traits. The Golden Child can absorb the Narcissistic traits of charm, conceitedness, pretentiousness, and even entitlement. Conversely, the Scapegoat can absorb the Narcissistic traits of rage, impatience, taking advantage of others, jealousy, and even arrogance.
These labels can follow them throughout their lives, if not dealt with early on. If intervention (ie therapy or a healthy parent) is not initiated, then these labels will stick to the children like super glue. A healthy parent must essentially do battle with what the Narcissist does to the children. It is a constant fight to undo what the Narcissists have done. But it can be done!
What have been your experiences with this? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories with me.
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you!
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