You might not be aware that it is happening. But it is something that both you and the Narcissists use within the dynamic of the relationship. It is called reframing and it is something that you need to be more conscious of in your dealings with the Narcissists.
By definition
According to Collins English Dictionary, to reframe is to “change the focus or perspective of a view through a lens” or “to say something in a different way.” So by that definition then, reframing within a Narcissistic relationship occurs when the Narcissist causes us to shift our focus in regards to how we view an event. This is to blur any clarity we may be getting that allows us to see the Narcissists for what they truly are. How it works Think of any event. Any day to day occurance in the home. How did you react? How did the Narcissist react? Some examples:
Some examples of reframing that occurred often with my NX:
What reframing does Habitual reframing is consistent with brainwashing because as the Narcissists reframe again and again, you get programmed to get used to it. This technique is meant to wear us down. To demean and belittle us a little bit at a time. To condition us to allow them to keep getting away with abusing us. Bottom line Until I began my healing journey, I had no idea what reframing even was. I didn’t even know I was actually doing it! I was making allowances for his abusive behavior. I was explaining it away. I was making excuses to myself, and to my children. But now that I know what it is, I haven’t fallen into the trap of doing it anymore. Have you experienced reframing with the Narcissists? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories with me.
4 Comments
Elin
8/6/2017 07:33:31 pm
My N (not Ex) during Devaluation Stage, I remember stopping myself on many occasions during shopping or visiting a friend, I'd think, "I need to really take care of myself better, he deserves a wife that is sexy, desirable, etc." is fantisize all the ways I could change to make him look to no other for his needs-----you see, he choosss to live in another state and he likes being center of attention when I pick him up at the airport. He choosss this cuz he can manipulate in many ways! But when he devalued me, I would cast my own needs and beliefs about myself and divert everything to satisfying his needs and re-frame my thinking!!! I'd say to myself "He's only here on weekends, so I must do my part to look good for him always'" ugh! I remember many times I said stuff like that as if I was another person entirely. That's how brainwashed I was!
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Darline
5/10/2018 05:05:50 am
Locked in battle, 3 whole days lost explaining to narc I have had enough, I want out of relationship how i no longer love, like or care for him and it would be best if he moved out, i was finnally able to rest and get some much needed sleep.
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Brian
5/15/2019 05:07:47 pm
Darline, I know this is a year later, but I loved your retort :) However, what he said afterwards just appeared to me to be his attempt to portray himself as a victim, I'm not sure how it is reframing (I could be wrong). His response seemed to be a non sequitur.
Mary
8/10/2017 12:09:33 am
The N and I have been separated for 4 weeks now (after nearly 5 years of marriage). If you only knew how many times I've inquired about love making only to hear him say that if I weren't so "weak and insecure" this wouldn't be a problem. I didn't know what reframing meant before reading your story. Thank you.
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna Jen, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you! Archives
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