Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome is a very real result of what you endured throughout your relationship with the Narcissist. You are left with several very distinct signs that indicate you reached a level of emotional desperation.
When I was fresh out of my situation, to say that things were difficult is an understatement. My NX made me feel like I couldn't do anything right....including cooking a simple meal. Not to mention, he had dangled hope in my face so many times that I thought things would get better. But he kept changing the rules.
Then came the discard. Boy, was I thrown for a loop!
In the days and months following, I was faced with some hard truths. Do you remember those signs I mentioned? Yeah, they were my hard truths.
1. I always felt alone, even when we were together.
Even at night while I heard his snoring, I felt alone. Oh, and especially after he stormed out of the room following an argument, I felt utterly alone. I'd curl up in a ball on the couch, the floor, the bed, wherever......because somehow, I felt like hiding would take my pain away. I wanted someone to put their arms around me and take the hurt away.
Wait.....isn't that what your significant other is supposed to do? It was downright mindboggling to realize that the one who was supposed to protect my heart was the one who was destroying it.
2. I was never good enough.
You see, it didn't matter that I ran the household for 7 months while he was deployed. It didn't matter that I secured a full time job while he was deployed. It also didn't matter that I kept trying to do things the way he instructed me to do them. My NX always found fault with everything. In fact, he made fun of me for the tiniest details.
Narcissists are adept at ridiculing their victims. The more they do, the further the victim slides down that spiral of guilt and shame. The point is to destroy your self-esteem. The more my NX did that, the more I believed that I was a loser who couldn't do anything right.
3. I felt swallowed by the relationship.
It consumed my every waking hour. No matter who I talked to, I always found myself saying things like "Well, he said...." or "You know, he told me...."
And just to make sure I was complying with his wishes, he'd call, text or email me to keep me in line. I realized I had begun to criticize the way I looked in my once favorite clothes. Why? He had a penchant for nitpicking how I dressed and how I looked in certain clothes.
I tip-toed around him all the time, out of fear of when his next rage would be. This is what's called walking on eggshells. (Read my post Walking On Eggshells for more.)
4. I compromised my values and beliefs.
This one was hard for me to swallow because I always considered myself to be a person of good moral character with high integrity. Unfortunately, Narcissists love to convince you to do things that go against those core values and beliefs.
I reluctantly agreed to things that I knew were wrong. I compromised who I was just to please him!
5. I felt unworthy and unlovable.
The relentless name-calling and putdowns were consistently giving me an emotional beat down. He was supposed to be my mate for life! Why was he calling me names? I questioned my worth. I questioned my capability to hold another's love. Was I that unworthy? There were countless times that he even claimed he was "only joking" after tossing out putdowns like me being too sensitive or called me names.
6. Having a constant feeling of being hurt and then "appreciated."
The never-ending cycle of abuse became utterly exhausting. One day he yelled and screamed, the next day was the silent treatment, and then the next, he acted like nothing happened and was all nice and lovey-dovey. It was a rollercoaster of anxiety and calm. It frazzled my nerves and kept me in a constant state of fear.
The Bottom Line
When you combine the above 6 signs, it equates to narcissistic and emotional abuse. I felt on edge, my moods were all over the place, and I felt very inadequate. The good news was that I was smart enough to get myself into therapy. I was able to begin sorting through the web of confusion.
Do you recognize these 6 signs? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories with me.
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you!
The Top 10
Here you will find my most popular posts for easier discovery.
How Narcissists Make Sure You Never Solve Problems In A Relationship
The Fake Apology
How I Lost My Identity
Effects of Emotional Abuse
Emotionally Abusive Behaviors
Tightening Your Facebook Privacy Settings
Why You Should Never Defend Yourself Against The Narcissist's Smear Campaign
Going No Contact: A List Of What To Do And What Not To Do
An Open Letter To All Survivors Who Just Got Out Of An Abusive Situation
The Great Manipulator
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The content of this site is told from the blog author/owner's personal experience of dealing with a male Narcissist. Narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths are both male and female, and come from all walks of life. Furthermore, the content contained herein is not intended to be a replacement for medical or legal counsel. This blog's sole purpose is to provide support to those who have endured Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse.