When I began my healing journey, I came across the term Narc-Dipping. I had never heard that term before. The more I read, the more I began to understand that Narc-Dipping is an unhealthy thing for survivors to take part in.
By definition
Narc-Dipping is when survivors regularly “check in” on the Narcissists, either by peeking on their social media pages or by texting/calling them. It also means not re-reading old texts or emails, too. Don’t even look at old photos of them. What does Narc-Dipping really do? When we engage in Narc-Dipping, we are continually subjecting ourselves to what the Narcissists put us through. We are still playing their game. We are still engaging in their lives. If we are No Contact, Narc-Dipping re-opens those wounds. It’s like ripping a band-aid off too slowly. The pain and anguish returns. We feel horrible all over again. Sometimes, Narc-Dipping can happen after being No Contact for months or even years. It almost feels like we have to start our healing journeys all over again when that happens. Why we Narc-Dip Many times, we Narc-Dip because we want to see what the Narcissists are up to. We want to know if they are as miserable now as they made us. If we hear through the grapevine that they have a New Supply, Narc-Dipping gives us the opportunity to peek into their lives without having to talk to them. We are curious to know if they are happier with the NS. (Hint: They aren’t happier!) What can we do about it? The only thing to do is go No Contact. That means blocking them on all forms of social media, blocking their cell phone and/or home phone, and blocking any and all email addresses they have. Completely cut them out of your life. When you don’t go Narc-Dipping, you aren’t getting caught up in the trap. You aren’t playing their game. You see, they want us to still feel horrible about ourselves even after the discard. Why? Because they want us to think that the downfall of the relationship was entirely our fault. Bottom Line When we don’t play their game, we take away their power. The old saying of “a leopard never changes its spots” is quite true. We all know Narcissists don’t change. So their ooey-gooey posts about being oh-so-in-love are just a façade. The Narcissists are still in the lovebombing stage. They need to keep up appearances until they have the NS hooked. Don't envy the Narcissists. Their seemingly happy life won't last for long. The best thing we can do is go complete No Contact. Don't go Narc-Dipping. Don't play into their game. Have you Narc-Dipped? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories with me.
19 Comments
Heather
5/3/2017 09:45:11 am
I have more so in the beginning. I do not anymore. We have kids together, main contact is via cordial, specific email. I call it greyrock style.
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Julianna
7/1/2017 09:29:10 am
Heather.....Yup, it's called Grey Rock. It's what I do as well. Keep all communication to just emails. If they go on a rant, just reply to only the parts of the email pertaining to the children.
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Melissa
5/3/2017 05:36:35 pm
My narc left a month ago. The wounds are still fresh and my days are very up and down. HE was the one that blocked me on all social media... he completely cut me out of his life. Yet, I still yearn to work around these blocks. I feel like I need to know what he's doing... how he's doing. He fishes me with random text messages. He tells me what I want to hear. I fear I am nowhere near 'in the clear'... I think I'm still holding on.
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E
6/13/2017 10:54:41 pm
See www.outofthefog.net
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Julianna
7/1/2017 09:30:56 am
Melissa.......He may have been the one to block you, but toxic people like Narcs are cyclical creatures. They will come back around again when they want more supply from you. It's called Hoovering. Those "random" text messages are not random at all. It's strategic hoovering. Block his cell phone number, block him in every way possible.
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Julianna
7/1/2017 09:33:08 am
Mike.....I wrote a blog called Going No Contact: A List of What to do And What Not To Do. If you are on a laptop or desktop, you can find the link on the right side of the page in the list of Top 10. In it, I talk about what we can do when we have children with the Narcissists. The main thing to remember is keep all communication to just email....that way, you can answer the email when you feel comfortable and only respond to the parts pertaining to the children.
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Rosemary
5/4/2017 03:59:35 am
Thanks so much for this article! It all makes sense to me - although I had never heard the term 'narc dipping' before this is exactly what happened to me - after more than two years of No Contact, I started checking out FB pages etc and it really set me back again. Thankfully I'm back on track now with NO CONTACT WHATSOEVER.... please keep writing your helpful articles:)
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Julianna
7/1/2017 09:36:04 am
Rosemary.......Thank you for those kind words. I have Narc Dipped in the past. I know it sets us back, but for so many of us survivors, we can't help it sometimes. It takes practice to not do it. It takes practice to stay no contact.
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Court
5/4/2017 09:13:16 pm
I read your story and it is so similar to mine!
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Julianna
7/1/2017 09:37:59 am
Court.......It has always struck me as so strange that we survivors have had such similar stories. Ya know? I mean, we survivors don't know each other, yet we share such similar experiences. I have always asked the question of "Where do Narcs learn this? Do they take a 'how to be a Narc' class or something?" Am I right? LOL.
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Tara Sykes
5/5/2017 05:08:39 am
Yes I broke my 7 day Narc free no contact spell today and Narc dipped. I miss my husband so much.....Im so delusional.....Truth is I no that I am romanticizing the whole marriage thing. He hasn't gone without..He asked my "why did you fuck off then"? Like he forgot that he had said he wanted to kill me.
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Julianna
7/1/2017 09:44:08 am
Tara.......You are not delusional. That is what the Narcs want us to think. They want us to believe that we are crazy, delusional.....and whatever they tell us to believe. He wants to blame you for going no contact. He wants you to feel guilty for effing off. It's okay to miss him. It's only natural to miss the image they present to us. What they presented to us wasn't real. It was all fake. But......our love for them was real. To us, it was real. So we need to properly grieve that. I just published a blog actually that talks about the stages of grief and how we need to properly mourn the loss. Hang in there. I wish you the best.
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Krista
5/13/2017 10:13:01 am
What do u do if the narc is your father?????
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Julianna
7/1/2017 09:40:33 am
Krista.......Do you still live at home? If not, then block him out from your life as much as possible.....block the phone number, email, etc. If you still live at home, don't engage with his tactics. I know that will be hard not to since you're in such close proximity. It takes practice to not engage like that. They do their best to provoke us.
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Samantha
6/3/2017 04:46:29 pm
I never met my Narc in person. We had an online relationship for 5 years and never met. He always had some excuse to delay meeting in real life. I never even saw a picture of him. He has blocked me on Social Media but I still peek at his family members FB pages. I did delete all emails and our chat logs. I had no contact for a year and relapsed. It was weird for me to experience him having zero feelings for me. A year has passed since my relapse and the healing has begun. I don't feel that yearning anymore. I miss our conversations but I am so much happier.
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Julianna
7/1/2017 09:45:58 am
Samantha.....I am happy to hear that you are on a healing path. It's okay to have Narc Dipped because we all have done it. It's okay to have backslid like that. But think of it as propelling you forward much in the same way when we pull back on a bow to propel the arrow forward. Hang in there. I wish you peace and strength.
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Hillary
8/7/2017 07:14:19 pm
I finally went no contact with my narcissistic mother 3 years ago, and "narc-dipped" when I learned she had been hit by a car. I figured her being faced with death might have shaken some screws into place and perhaps she'd recognize the emotional destruction she had caused all of her daughters and spouse. That was a huge mistake. In fact, this accident only helped increase her narcissistic ways, particularly because now her "woeisme poor me" routine has become a permanent life feature for her. No more narc dipping ever. My life has improved INFINITELY from removing her. So while the guilt may rise sometimes, I know that it doesn't matter if a person is family or spouse or friend or coworker, if they are toxic and treat you like garbage, they need to go. No one owes anyone an apology or explanation for taking care of themselves.
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Wo3rm
1/31/2018 02:19:23 pm
I would say that the main consequence of 'narc-dipping' is essentially some kind of trauma reminding. That is to say, that 'narc-dipping' is in some sense analogues to a veteran experience some loud noise.
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