Whether you discarded the Narcissist or they discarded you, one thing stands clear. They will no longer have you in their lives to control, so they resort to the one thing that they can control. The children. The Narcissists do not care about anyone at all, least of all their children, so they use the children to punish you.
Narcissists do not care
Narcissists see the children as extensions of themselves. They will do and say whatever they want in order to turn the children against us. It is payback in their eyes. But payback for what? What did we ever do? All we did was love them and do our best in hopes we’d have a successful relationship. But the Narcissists don’t see it that way. They feel we failed them by not staying in compliance with their demands, their orders, their abuse. They think we were supposed to just sit there and take it. Accept our fate, if you will.
When we begin to see the truth about what they are, they cast us aside. That is, if we don’t cast them away first. Even if we do discard them first, they see that as a pure insult to their perfection. They do not care about anyone or anything, but themselves. So in order to punish us for finding out the truth, they will turn everyone against us.
Ways they retaliate
1.They will tell outright lies about you
One way for Narcissists to punish you is to get the children to turn against you. To hate you. In order for the Narcissists to achieve this, they must tell the children lies about you. My NX has said things to my children like, “Your mother doesn’t call you. So she doesn’t care about you” or “Mommy is sick in the head, so that’s why she went away. To get better” or even “She chose a new relationship over you, so she must not care about you.”
2.They play keep away
In a normal separation or divorce situation, the ex-spouse would have the children call the other parent on a regular basis. It is quite true that children need both parents in their lives. But with Narcissists, they don’t see it that way. If they have custody of the children, they will not let the children contact the other parent. They expect that other parent to always be the one to initiate contact with the children.
3.They will smear your name
Narcissists love to run a good smear campaign. (See my blog on The Smear Campaign and The Smear Campaign Revisited.) Their campaign will even extend to the children. They will tell the children things about you that are obvious lies. I remember when my children visited me one summer a few years ago. We were set to do something, but it turned out a different way than I thought it would. My then 7 year old daughter had called me a liar. She said, “Daddy’s right. You’re a liar.” I had told her, “No sweetheart, I am not a liar. What I said would happen, still happened. It just happened in a different way.”
4.They provide an overabundance of generosity
Narcissists will go so far as to provide to the children what you cannot. If they know you do not have the financial means to do something for the children, they will find ways to give the children what you can’t. Then they can tell the children, “See? Mommy/Daddy can’t give you what you want. But I can.” In this way, the Narcissists will persuade the children to see the Narcissist in better light, and to see you as the proverbial “bad guy.”
5.They unjustly punish
Narcissists don’t like being told no. They despise being refused. When they are, they take this as a huge insult. And because they cannot punish us since we are not in their presence, they will do so to the children. The Narcissist will make sure the children know who is to blame for the punishment – you. And the children will resent you more and more. When this happens, the Narcissist’s plan to drive a wedge between you and the children will have succeeded.
There are an infinite number of ways that Narcissists can retaliate. The above ways are only just a few. It’s a vicious game they play, and one they play well.
Have any of you been on the receiving end of a Narcissist’s retaliation? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories with me.
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you!
The Top 10
Here you will find my most popular posts for easier discovery.
How Narcissists Make Sure You Never Solve Problems In A Relationship
Tightening Your Facebook Privacy Settings
How I Lost My Identity
The Fake Apology
Effects of Emotional Abuse
Why You Should Never Defend Yourself Against The Narcissist's Smear Campaign
Emotionally Abusive Behaviors
Going No Contact: A List Of What To Do And What Not To Do
An Open Letter To All Survivors Who Just Got Out Of An Abusive Situation
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The content of this site is told from the blog author/owner's personal experience of dealing with a male Narcissist. Narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths are both male and female, and come from all walks of life. Furthermore, the content contained herein is not intended to be a replacement for medical or legal counsel. This blog's sole purpose is to provide support to those who have endured Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse.