Whether it’s a romantic relationship, a platonic friendship, a parent, a coworker or any other Narcissist in your life, one thing is for certain. Narcissists will say anything to get you back into their lives after you go No Contact.
The biggest thing to take away from your healing journey is this – Narcissists are extremely sneaky. They are master manipulators who will say (and do) anything to get you back under their control.
With that said, here’s a list (in no particular order) of what Narcissists can say to hook you back in:
As I discussed in my blog The Fake Apology, Narcissists typically use this “I’m sorry” line followed immediately with a “but.” It’s never a true heartfelt apology. In fact, it is a thinly veiled attempt to lure you back into their web of deceit.
2. “I want to go to counseling.”
Danger, Will Robinson, danger! Do not get hooked into this Narcissistic Ploy. It is a Narc’s attempt at giving us hope. Hope that maybe the relationship can be saved. It is wasted effort because Narcissists will use this attempt at reconciliation to paint you in a bad light.
3. “We need to get along for the children.”
My NX has said this one to me on numerous occasions. In the beginning after my discard, every attempt I made at being nice was always met with contempt and disrespect. It would steel my resolve at going No Contact, and he’d come back with that line. Let’s get along, he said. It’s for the children, he said. All this line is, is another attempt to draw us back in to their world of cruelty and lies. Again, it’s because they want to give us false hope.
4. “I’m worried about you.”
This one is used ad nauseum! Months (or even years) can go by without a peep from them. Then, they’d find a way to contact you (either through text messages, email, or through a mutual friend) and they’d say, “I’m worried about you.” My NX once called me up because he “heard through the grapevine” that my now-husband and I were splitting up and he wanted to know if I was okay. That one was laughable, I told him. My husband and I are very happily married – and have been for nearly 5 years now.
5. “I can change.”
This kind of goes hand in hand with the counseling one. Narcissists will say anything to get supply from you. They will say what they think you need or want to hear to lure you back. Maybe you give them “one more chance” or because you love them with all of your heart, you think that maybe they truly can change. And maybe for a while, it does work. Their behavior seems to be that of a true lover, or the way a parent should act, or what a true friend really is. But it’s all a ruse. It’s all fake. They want to give us hope.
6. “I heard….”
This one can take many forms. My NX once said to me, “I heard that you were expecting.” I actually laughed out loud on that one. I told him that wherever he heard that one from was completely incorrect. Of course, looking back on that conversation, I realize I was giving him what he wanted – supply. It doesn’t matter what my answer was. The fact is, I responded to him. It was over the phone, so I was put on the spot. But I could have refused to answer the question.
7. “You are my child/significant other/friend and I love you.”
Narcissists will toss out the L word like it’s going out of style. They know that empaths thrive on love, whether it’s loving a friend, a relative or their spouse. They know empaths wear their hearts on their sleeves. So they also know that if they use this word frequently, it will stop us dead in our tracks and lure us back.
Because of the initial “get to know you” phase, the Narcissist knows your vulnerabilities. They know what makes you tick. So by that virtue, they also know how to suck you back in to their web. They know your weak spots – be it the love of your parents, your friends, your family pet, your children. They will use these vulnerabilities to their advantage to worm their way back into your affections.
What other things have you heard from the Narcissists that was an attempt to lure you back in? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories with me.
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you!
The Top 10
Here you will find my most popular posts for easier discovery.
How Narcissists Make Sure You Never Solve Problems In A Relationship
Tightening Your Facebook Privacy Settings
How I Lost My Identity
The Fake Apology
Effects of Emotional Abuse
Why You Should Never Defend Yourself Against The Narcissist's Smear Campaign
Emotionally Abusive Behaviors
Going No Contact: A List Of What To Do And What Not To Do
An Open Letter To All Survivors Who Just Got Out Of An Abusive Situation
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The content of this site is told from the blog author/owner's personal experience of dealing with a male Narcissist. Narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths are both male and female, and come from all walks of life. Furthermore, the content contained herein is not intended to be a replacement for medical or legal counsel. This blog's sole purpose is to provide support to those who have endured Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse.