The Smear Campaign. Yes, it's as bad as it sounds. It is one of the nastiest tactics that a Narcissist uses.
The Smear Campaign is a premeditated effort aimed to ruin the reputation of the victim. Narcissists will launch into a diatribe of lies and slander all to discredit you. Why? The reasons are numerous.
Here's just a few. 1. The Narcissists are afraid of being found out, not just by you but also by everyone. 2. The Narcissists are utterly jealous of you. It doesn't matter if it's because you are popular or because you are thriving post breakup. They will do what it takes to bring you down. 3. The Narcissists realize that you do, in fact, see through them. 4. The Narcissists want to conceal their abuse. They thinks that if they get people to believe that you're the unstable one, that no one is likely to believe you about the abuse. 5. They want to play the part of the victim to their new supply. The new supply will see their "woe is me, my heart is broken" act and go comfort their "bruised" ego. 6. They are hungry for revenge against you. The closer you are to the truth about who they are, the more vicious in their revenge they will be.
While the above lists only some of the reasons why the Narc will use the Smear Campaign, it doesn't include what the smear campaign involves. Narcissists will do whatever they can to portray the victim as crazy, bipolar, unstable, an unfit parent.
My NX loved to use my one time diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) against me. Called me crazy. Constantly said he thought that I must have been off my meds. This BPD diagnosis came after I had been admitted to the mental health ward in the local hospital. I was in the ward for 6 days. I only saw the doctor ONCE for a mere 30 minutes. The doctor was old and crotchety, and held steadfast to his preconceived notion of me. All he knew of me was what was in my file. He wouldn't listen to me about my ex being abusive! The doc said, "You're the patient. I'm the doctor. I know what I'm talking about." So from that point on, my NX would use that diagnosis as a way to point out how crazy he thought I was! Incidentally, a future therapist said I had never fit the criteria for BPD in the first place, and re-diagnosed me with depression and anxiety. (Side note: The NX refuses to this day to believe my re-diagnosis! He said he would always believe the first one.) From there, the Narc will weave a web of lies, half truths, exaggerations, and false accusations to paint the victim in a bad light and undermine the victim's credibility. They will contact the victim's family and friends, they will spread lies on social media.....anything they have to do to keep up their charade. This will no doubt cause stress and anxiety in the victim. The purpose is to terrorize the victim into silence. Why? They can't have the victim being so vocal about the abuse, because then they'll be discovered as an abuser. That would destroy THEIR reputation and credibility. It would destroy the distorted vision they have of themselves. So they set out to destroy the victim's reputation and credibility first! They will use this info any way they can to destroy you emotionally, mentally and even financially. The Narcissists will do anything they can to see you fall flat on your face. They want to see you struggle and fail. Have you been on the receiving end of a Narc's Smear Campaign? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories with me.
9 Comments
Aidana
8/12/2016 09:04:52 am
I am going right now through the divorce with the Narc. We have a child 3 years old. It can only be described as hell on Earth. Sometimes his rage is so intense that I must imagine the worst scenarios and be afraid for my life. Now when the masks are falling I find out that he was very active saying behind my backs that I was crazy. I moved out with the child and now he is playing the victim and has excuse to show his rage. There is no telling what he will do next. He will try to make me crazy in front of the judge to take away my child. I am preparing as much as I can for this day and hope for the best. Hope that he will fell into his own trap and that the judge will see trough him. The hardest thing is that I am still very afraid of him and I have phobia when the telephone rings even on TV. I am trying not to show this fear to him but this fear has become pathological and every day I am very nervous and live in expectation and fear of his next move. Days to the court are going so slowly. He is trying to show him self as a victim (specially because I took the child with me when I moved out) and said that he will sue me for causing him emotional pain. It lasted 7 years until I recognized a pattern in his behavior but the thing that was ruining me the most were the silence treatments. It was always the same scenario: he would pushing the borders until it goes no further, until it goes into rude disrespect. I would react to that. I would defend my self by pointing out that he is rude and disrespectful and than he would punished me with silence. It would lasted for so long until I would apologize. Last time I waited just how much he can go on with silence (by the way it wasn't just silence it was banging doors, names calling and so on as well) and he went on for 3 months! Than I moved out with the child. I wonder is it even possible to be free from him. I have the feeling that he will never let me go or that he will stop only when I am ruined completely. When he ruins my reputation, convinces everyone that I am crazy and takes my child.
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Jenn
8/12/2016 10:20:15 am
Aidana......Playing the victim is what Narcs do best. They will paint you in a bad light by saying whatever they have to in order to manipulate others into thinking you are the crazy one. Just stay calm when you go to court. Keep your eyes front on the judge and only answer questions from the judge. Sounds like your ex will do what he can to get your reaction in court to say "Ahhh see she is crazy." Your phobia is very real....it's called PTSD, and you are experiencing hypervigilance. I had the very same reactions for a long time when I saw my ex calling.....I still do at times. If your ex knows you're jumpy like that, he'll likely try any tactic in court to get your reaction. Practice calming techniques before court. That will help you. Unfortunately, being completely free of a Narc when you have a child with one isn't possible. There's ways to deal with it, like minimal contact. Hang in there. I'll be thinking about you.
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Leigh
11/1/2016 12:42:46 am
OMG! Your description of being in the mental ward gave me chills. My father put me in a mental ward for 9 months when I was 15 for "alcohol and drug addiction." He caught me drinking 1 time, and the next day I was locked up. He said he was only trying to help me. The doctors told me I was an alcoholic and promiscuous. I had never gotten past second base and I had barely experimented with alcohol. I am sure now that my father fed them lies and my mother just echoed everything he said. He came out looking like a hero. I am so lucky I married someone so different from my father. Until I met my husband, I dated abusive, narcissistic men who were just like my dad. Why I didn't end up with one of them? I can only believe I had a short period of clarity granted by God to see the man I was supposed to be with. I can't imagine having to deal with a narc and children. Those who do, you have my respect and sympathy!
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Jenn
11/2/2016 08:33:25 am
Leigh......Narcs take a situation to fit their own theory of the truth. What your dad did is a prime example. Kids experiment in their youth. You were no exception. Your dad took that one time and twisted it to fit what he thought was the truth. I'm glad you had the clarity you did. Take care.
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Leigh
11/2/2016 09:32:36 am
Thanks for putting this information out there. It helps knowing others went through the same thing. Living with a narc is so isolating, I always thought I was the only one. I hated trying to explain what happened. People would be nice, but I could tell they were thinking, "get over it. It wasn't that bad." With the information about NPD, I can explain the abuse, and people understand how damaging it was.
Jenn
11/10/2016 08:33:50 pm
Leigh....You're welcome. For a long time, I felt all alone too. But over time, I learned I wasn't the only one going through this. It absolutely helps to know that there are others out there who know what it feels like.
Kim
6/7/2017 09:54:37 pm
My husband's ex narc has been doing this thru any outlet that isn't on FB as she possibly will be seen as a person talking smack about someone. She's accused my husband of abuse (projection) the latest one is he abused the kids 30 years ago. She even gave dates and times of this apparent abuse by him towards their adult kids. It's amazing to hear the lies she creates.
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Alice
7/31/2017 12:44:58 pm
I am the new wife of a ban who's ex wife is the Narc. They have 2 kids together and I love them deeply. Her smear campaign against my husband and mainly me began immediately. She didn't even meet me and still hasn't in almost 5 years. She lies about me as a mother, a woman and just hates that I exist. I came along and put back together what she destroyed. My husband asked for the divorce and she left in less than a week claiming it was her that asked for the divorce. Then I came along right when she was trying to come back. She realized the grass isn't greener and still hasn't found anyone that even remotely compares to my husband. She steals my image" my style, my hair, color schemes" wording, everything! All while telling ppl I'm a bad mom and that I'm on drugs alone a hundred other lies. She even made a fake sugar daddy account to try to tell my hubby and others that I'm a gold digger. Meanwhile I work for everything I have while she collects child support and works part time while claiming to be independent and owns her house which is all lies. Without our money she's be living in section 8. She lies about any and everything and when I show up to events she'll talk about me and laugh and yesterday she walked past me and coughed and said "whore" them ran to get friends missy likely to accuse me of being the one who did it. She's low rent, low class, and has no self respect. She's never said a word to my face. The smear campaign was on social media, she even took me to court for harassment even though she was doing the exact same thing. I of course won and the judge called her an overgrown baby. I'm tired of the consultant slander and lies. She even attacked my kids. The way I see it, she's a nasty jealous manipulator who can't find her own happiness so she preys on mine. I drew the line and those days are over. I'm taking my name back and exposing her for what she is!!!
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Michelle
1/29/2018 12:26:53 am
I was friends with a guy for 16yrs n I never met his dad. When I happen to get the chance to meet him, we seem to hit it off as friends. All the time telling his son who trusted him, that I was no good n all these things. My friend was so manipulated by his dad that he quit talking to me. I had no clue at the time what was going on that he wasn't answering me so I contact his dad to ask about my friend. He didn't say much but started wanting to hang out with me a lot n began telling me horrible stories about my friend and planned to turn me against him. That didn't work on my end. Come to find out all along a narcissistic 70yo man would destroy his sons relationship with his best friend only to get in my pants. I don't want to ruin my friend about his dad n look like I'm starting drama but I don't want to hurt my friend. He's never going to speak to me again
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