When you have children with a Narc, it's never an easy time. The Narc will always play games, make himself out to be the better parent, ensure that the children always seem him as "super Dad." One of the Narc's favorite games to play is The One-Up Game.
The Narc has an insatiable appetite to "one up" you all the time. He will go to whatever lengths necessary to appear to the perfect parent. He will take the song "Anything You Can Do" from the movie Annie Get Your Gun to new heights.
I remember when my daughter lost her first tooth. I had sent her $20 because that was the going rate for a first lost tooth, according to my friends. He "scolded" me that $20 was too much and I was just trying to buy my daughter's love. Next thing I know, he gets the kids a puppy. A puppy! I do something for the kids, he's got to do one better.
But make no mistake. The Narc HATES to get bested. He hates to be "one upped" in any aspect of life, especially when it comes to the children. For example, in July 2013 when I saw my children, my father surprised us with Disney World tickets. When my NX found out, to say he was pissed off was an understatement. He hated the fact that the kids did something for the first time with me.
Ever since then, my NX has to come up with ways to "one up" me. Do things with the kids that I would never get to do with them. Take them over 5 hours away to a college football game. Take them kayaking on a lake. Anything to appear like a caring and perfect parent.
To the Narc, it's not just a competitive spirit. It's the overwhelming NEED to win at all costs. Not only does he need to win the war, but my NX needs to win each battle. He's determined not to be the "loser" parent. He must show the children that he's better than mommy, that he can afford things she can't.
Even when I was dating my NX, he'd play this game too. If I got sick, he had to get sicker. If I got a job somewhere, he got a job there too. If he couldn't be better at it, he'd mock it. He'd say, "Well, that wasn't worth doing anyway."
I do suggest, though, to not partake in the Narc's game. Though, I have learned a few new skills, that I know for sure he wouldn't have the patience to learn. I made my children some crafts that I gave them when I saw them a few weeks ago. I am positive my NX will scoff at these crafts, saying something like anyone could do that. If he internally knows he can't do something that creative or time consuming, he will mock me.
It's kinda comical the more I think about it. My NX's incredible need to beat me at all costs makes me laugh. It's a competition for the Narc. One that he must win. A Narc's ego is so fragile that if he is bested or one-upped, you can bet he will retaliate any way that he can. To him, parenting is to get the children to love him more. All because he goes to great lengths to provide them with things, trips, vacations, and gifts that he knows I cannot ever give them.
Do you have any stories of a Narc one-upping you? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you sharing your stories with me.
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you!
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