To discard is to get rid of or abandon. You can discard an old pair of shoes, you can discard unwanted cards in your hand during a game of poker, and you can also discard old clothing that doesn't fit anymore.
In a Narcissist's dictionary, discarding also means to get rid of people. My NX would begin to devalue me (ie the silent treatment, belittling you, etc), I'd sulk and pull away and want to leave. He'd pour on the charm again and lovebomb me. All this was to ensure I'd never leave. He'd play this game ad nauseum, making sure to always reel me back in.
You see, in the Narc's eyes, you can never be the one to leave.They are the ones to decide when it's over.
And trust me, the Narc will discard you without a thought to your feelings. In fact, the Narc will discard you in the most humiliating, demeaning and horrific way possible.
My discard came out of left field. I had NO idea it was coming. It was May 11, 2010. I was in a court ordered anger management class. I saw my NX pull up to the building in his truck. My class ended and I made my way to the front lobby.
In the lobby, I saw his "therapist" leaning at the front desk. He stops me to talk to me. (Looking back, I realize now that he was a flying monkey. See my post on Flying Monkeys for more info.) Then I see the family advocacy lady approaching. At that point, I knew something was up. She asks me to follow her to her office. The flying monkey followed. Shortly after, my NX appears in the office. He tells me that I have 2 hours to pack what I can and get out. But I had to get my young son from daycare. No, the ex would go get him. (They needed me to stay in the office!) The NX brought my son back to the office and "allowed" me to say goodbye to him. Could I say goodbye to my then toddler-aged daughter? No. He denied me the chance to say goodbye to her!
Looking back, I realize he knew what room the class would be in and knew what time my class ended. So, he parked his truck where he KNEW I would see it! (The classroom had a window that looked out to the parking lot.) I also realize that my daughter would remember that day, so that could be why he denied me the goodbye to her but allowed the goodbye to my son. Because my son wouldn't remember.
And the sick part? I have kept emails from him telling me that it's my fault that I never said goodbye to my daughter. That's the twisted sick mind of a Narc, for ya! They always twist things around to suit their version of the truth.
The discard will inevitably leave you wondering what you did wrong. Let me be clear.....you did NOTHING wrong. It was not your fault. The devalue and discard has nothing to do with you. The Narc just cannot (and will never be able to) have a meaningful or real relationship with anyone. You were just a pawn in their game, a source of supply for them. And once they are done with you, they will discard you. It won't matter the reason for the discard, either. Because in the Narc's twisted mind, it could be because they got bored, because of you getting too close to finding out the truth, or because you failed to continue to act the way they wanted you to. Or it could be for some other perceived slight.
Have you been discarded by a Narcissist? Share your thoughts below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories with me.
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you!
The Top 10
Here you will find my most popular posts for easier discovery.
How Narcissists Make Sure You Never Solve Problems In A Relationship
The Fake Apology
How I Lost My Identity
Effects of Emotional Abuse
Emotionally Abusive Behaviors
Tightening Your Facebook Privacy Settings
Why You Should Never Defend Yourself Against The Narcissist's Smear Campaign
Going No Contact: A List Of What To Do And What Not To Do
An Open Letter To All Survivors Who Just Got Out Of An Abusive Situation
The Great Manipulator
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The content of this site is told from the blog author/owner's personal experience of dealing with a male Narcissist. Narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths are both male and female, and come from all walks of life. Furthermore, the content contained herein is not intended to be a replacement for medical or legal counsel. This blog's sole purpose is to provide support to those who have endured Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse.