It's not always easy to recognize the warning signs of someone's toxic behavior. These signs, or red flags, can be hard to detect at times. So writing this blog was essential in that it can help you what to look out for.
There are numerous red flags, but I will just list the 10 most vital ones to look out for. They are in no particular order.
1. They lovebomb Oh how they pour on the charm in the beginning! Your relationship will move incredibly fast. They will profess their undying love to you seemingly right away. They will put you up on a pedestal saying how you are perfect and that they've never felt this way about anyone before. They pretend to like and dislike the same things as you to forge an instantaneous bond. 2. Gaslighting I go into greater detail in my blog post To Gaslighting: What You Need To Know. But succinctly put, it is when Narcissists play the ultimate game of mind control. They make you feel like you are losing your grip on reality by outright denying their abusive ways. 3. Emotional vampire If you always feel emotionally and physically drained, you can be assured it is because the Narcissists are at work. They drain you of your joy, your love, your entire being. It's no wonder they are called emotional vampires! They suck the life right out of you. 4. Lack of empathy Narcissists are devoid of any empathy. This means that they cannot put themselves in other people's shoes. They cannot understand or share the feelings of another person. They don't care about our feelings! Because we are empathetic beings, we feel the hurt and pain. Narcissists cannot and do not feel the same kind of hurt we feel. 5. Mindreading Narcissists expect us to know what they are thinking at any given time, or what they want at any given time. And if you guess wrong, they unleash their wrath on you. They tell you it's your fault for not automatically knowing what they want or need. 6. They triangulate Narcissists will get one or more people to partake in giving them extra attention. Every move they make is a calculated effort to create a sense of uneasiness within you. And it's not always with the next target. They will use anyone to triangulate, as long as that person serves a purpose. For further information, I go into greater detail in my blog Narcissists And Triangulation. 7. Jekyll and Hyde There is a vast difference in the way Narcissists treat you in public versus the way they treat you at home. They will go from ripping you apart behind closed doors to being so sweet and attentive to your needs in the public eye. 8. They are hypocrites Narcissists expect you to uphold the "rules" but yet, they get to break them. They think you should be faithful, respect them and adore them at all times. But they give none of this back to you. 9. They lie Narcissists will lie to cover their tracks. They lie so fast and furious that sometimes they can't even remember the original lie they told, so they have to make up more lies. Nothing is ever their fault. And even when they are caught in a lie, they somehow tell more lies to excuse their behavior. 10. They provoke fights Narcissists will intentionally pick fights, but do so calmly. They will sit back and watch you react, then quickly point out that you're the crazy and unstable one. Sometimes, they will even do this in front of others, so that when you come undone, they can point out to others how crazy you are. Bottom line Spotting the red flags will get easier with time. You may even spot others in addition to the ones I listed above! Have you noticed any of these red flags? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories with me.
2 Comments
Sarah
4/15/2017 06:18:35 pm
Yep! My MIL has most of these. I'm her target and her kids are her flying monkeys. Doing my best to CO the relationship with her. We live close to her though and I am the only one with a kid (AKA her only grandchild)
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Jenn
4/15/2017 07:15:16 pm
Sarah......I hear what you're saying. Although, just because you are the only one with a child, doesn't obligate you to let her see that child. I'm sure she'll toss out a guilt trip or two. But stand firm in your boundaries. Toxic people will do what they can to test your boundaries. The old saying "Give them an inch and they'll take a mile" applies here.......if you let her see your child once, then she'll expect it again and again. Although, let's say you allow a visit one time. And she's toxic to you. You can then stand your ground with your boundary. Make sense? Hang in there.
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna Jen, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you! Archives
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