There are so many terms and phrases out there regarding narcissism and the words "narcissistic supply" is used quite often. What is it and why is it so vital to a Narc? Read on.
Narcissistic supply is anything that bolsters the Narc's ego and maintains his sense of superiority and entitlement. It is quite simply, a drug. The Narc must have it, he craves it. He can't live without it. The Narc must receive attention from this supply in order to feel validated in his inflated yet bruised ego. It's the Narc's "joie de vivre" - or joy of living. The life force.
And because the supply is a Narc's life force, they must have it in order to feel alive. They suck the energy from others in order to continue their facade of their false self. They know that this false self is unworthy and defective, so they require admiration, approval and affirmation much in the way an alcoholic needs another drink. So this is exactly why you will feel emotionally drained and exhausted after dealing with a Narc. Narcs will suck the life out of you. The more you grant the Narc any kind of attention, he will know that he can get to you. He will realize, "I can still screw with her mind." This is exactly why my mom tells me, "Don't let him live rent free in your head." Because the more you dwell on why he did something, or what he could possibly plan next, the more it will drain you dry.
There are 2 types of narcissistic supply - primary supply and secondary supply.
Primary Supply Primary supply is received through those the Narc interacts with randomly or occasionally. Primary supply is attention, adoration or adulation from more public forms. This is why most Narcs will join the military - they love being linked to power and notoriety. My NX receives his primary supply from his "friends" on Facebook. He may complain about his past (i.e. me) or pour on the charm and adoration for a new supply. These "friends" will give him the appropriate response of either bashing the past, or telling him how happy he looks with the new supply. This then satisfies the Narc's fix because he gets the attention he's seeking. Secondary Supply Secondary supply is what the Narc receives from those he interacts with on a consistent basis. It is supply under the guise of leading a "normal life." This normal life comes in the form of starting a family, not because he loves them, but because it's a built in source of supply. So the Narc's spouse and children become the constant supply, the meal from which he can continually pick from. Narcs seek out secondary supply to have as a status symbol. He constructs his entire existence based on receiving this kind of adulation. He feels secure in his position because it gives him social acceptability. Other sources of secondary supply come in the form of colleagues, business partners, teachers and neighbors. End Results No matter where Narcs get their supply from, they will drain them dry. And when they are done with you, they will discard you. They set out to destroy their victims, and will leave them homeless, jobless, and penniless. If you have children with the Narc, he will move onto them as a source of supply after they discard you. Even after the Narc discards you, he still may not even be done with you. He'll still poke the embers every now and then to test the waters. It's just to see if he can still get a reaction from you. Why? Because he has such an insatiable appetite for supply, no matter how much he gets, it's never enough. That's why he'll still come around and see if you'll give him attention. My NX may leave me alone for months now, but out of the blue, he may call or email just to ask the oddest of questions, like how my dad's health is or that he "heard through the grapevine" that I was pregnant. Another time he wanted to know if my husband and I were splitting up because it was another grapevine rumor. It's comical, really, to see what he comes up with. How have you dealt with being a source of supply for the Narc in your life? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you sharing your stories with me.
7 Comments
Shakentothecore
7/16/2016 07:19:07 pm
Thank you for this blog. I have recently come to understand that I have been married to somebody who possesses narcissistic tendencies for 8 years. I left 6 months ago and I realized that I have an NX about 4 weeks ago. I have learned so much in just reading everything that I can on this subject. Unfortunately for me most of the boxes are ticked off. This is going to be one of the most interesting and devastating experiences of my life. I understand that I will learn and grow from this.
Reply
Jenn
7/16/2016 08:04:10 pm
Shaken....I appreciate you sharing your thoughts. It took me a while, too, to understand what I endured. So I definitely get where you're coming from. It will certainly help you to read what you can to understand. I have faith that you will indeed grow from the experience. I will be thinking of you.
Reply
Susan robinson
1/11/2017 12:11:13 pm
Thank you for such clarity! It is so difficult to take my care and feelings and see their objectified use of my heart, time, attention, work and love. The truth while bitter, will set us free I hope.
Reply
Jenn
1/12/2017 09:44:11 pm
Susan.....You're quite welcome. It is so liberating when we have such clarity, isn't it? And yes, the truth will set us free. Just do what you can to heal yourself a little bit more each day.
Reply
Questions
3/9/2017 09:32:17 am
The fact that all this is based off of the man being the narc is bs. And somemany commenters are self diagnosing their spouse with no License is interesting. Sometimes it the combination of people and lack of effective interaction/communication. Furthermore back ground in both individuals is also needed. There is a saying, " there is always three sides to every story."
Reply
Jenn
3/11/2017 01:15:32 pm
Questions.......I appreciate your comments. However, if you bothered to read my Disclaimer in the sidebar, I state that this blog is based on my own experiences with a MALE Narcissistic Ex. The times that I give specific examples in my blogs, I am simply relaying the experiences I had with my MALE NX. Furthermore, if you also bothered to check on my Facebook page of this same name, you will notice that I have mainly FEMALE readers. Only 9 percent of my readers are male. My disclaimer also notes that this blog is not a substitute for legal or medical counsel, as I am not a licensed medical professional or a therapist. I am merely a survivor who is speaking her truth. My readers are doing the same. Here's a bit of info that you might find useful.....when survivors research what happened to them, they come across articles that list Narcissistic behaviors. When their ex, parent, friend, sibling, etc fits these behaviors to a T, it is often the sign that the person the survivors are speaking about can be a Narcissist. You will almost never find a Narc ever going to seek out therapy, because they feel that they are perfect and superior to everyone.
Reply
Robert Austin
10/9/2020 05:45:39 am
They are kiss asses ,candy asses ,flying monkeys,and lairs,thefts,and sneaks.That is their essence. Emotional Vampires
Reply
Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
Leave a Reply. |
Like the FFNAEA Facebook page by clicking the icon below!
Welcome
Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna Jen, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you! Archives
December 2022
The Top 10
Here you will find my most popular posts for easier discovery.
Tightening Your Facebook Privacy Settings How Narcissists Make Sure You Never Solve Problems In A Relationship How I Lost My Identity The Fake Apology Effects of Emotional Abuse Why You Should Never Defend Yourself Against The Narcissist's Smear Campaign Emotionally Abusive Behaviors Going No Contact: A List Of What To Do And What Not To Do An Open Letter To All Survivors Who Just Got Out Of An Abusive Situation Emotional Rape Categories
All
Copyright Notice
©2016-2023. Freedom From Narcissistic And Emotional Abuse. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material (in full or in part) without the express written consent of this blog's author/owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Freedom From Narcissistic And Emotional Abuse with a link back to the original content.
Disclaimer
The content of this site is told from the blog author/owner's personal experience of dealing with a male Narcissist. Narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths are both male and female, and come from all walks of life. Furthermore, the content contained herein is not intended to be a replacement for medical or legal counsel. This blog's sole purpose is to provide support to those who have endured Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse.
|