There are so many terms and phrases out there regarding narcissism and the words "narcissistic supply" is used quite often. What is it and why is it so vital to a Narc? Read on.
Narcissistic supply is anything that bolsters the Narc's ego and maintains his sense of superiority and entitlement. It is quite simply, a drug. The Narc must have it, he craves it. He can't live without it. The Narc must receive attention from this supply in order to feel validated in his inflated yet bruised ego. It's the Narc's "joie de vivre" - or joy of living. The life force.
And because the supply is a Narc's life force, they must have it in order to feel alive. They suck the energy from others in order to continue their facade of their false self. They know that this false self is unworthy and defective, so they require admiration, approval and affirmation much in the way an alcoholic needs another drink.
So this is exactly why you will feel emotionally drained and exhausted after dealing with a Narc. Narcs will suck the life out of you.
The more you grant the Narc any kind of attention, he will know that he can get to you. He will realize, "I can still screw with her mind."
This is exactly why my mom tells me, "Don't let him live rent free in your head." Because the more you dwell on why he did something, or what he could possibly plan next, the more it will drain you dry.
There are 2 types of narcissistic supply - primary supply and secondary supply.
Primary supply is received through those the Narc interacts with randomly or occasionally. Primary supply is attention, adoration or adulation from more public forms. This is why most Narcs will join the military - they love being linked to power and notoriety.
My NX receives his primary supply from his "friends" on Facebook. He may complain about his past (i.e. me) or pour on the charm and adoration for a new supply. These "friends" will give him the appropriate response of either bashing the past, or telling him how happy he looks with the new supply. This then satisfies the Narc's fix because he gets the attention he's seeking.
Secondary supply is what the Narc receives from those he interacts with on a consistent basis. It is supply under the guise of leading a "normal life."
This normal life comes in the form of starting a family, not because he loves them, but because it's a built in source of supply. So the Narc's spouse and children become the constant supply, the meal from which he can continually pick from.
Narcs seek out secondary supply to have as a status symbol. He constructs his entire existence based on receiving this kind of adulation. He feels secure in his position because it gives him social acceptability.
Other sources of secondary supply come in the form of colleagues, business partners, teachers and neighbors.
No matter where Narcs get their supply from, they will drain them dry. And when they are done with you, they will discard you. They set out to destroy their victims, and will leave them homeless, jobless, and penniless. If you have children with the Narc, he will move onto them as a source of supply after they discard you.
Even after the Narc discards you, he still may not even be done with you. He'll still poke the embers every now and then to test the waters. It's just to see if he can still get a reaction from you. Why? Because he has such an insatiable appetite for supply, no matter how much he gets, it's never enough. That's why he'll still come around and see if you'll give him attention.
My NX may leave me alone for months now, but out of the blue, he may call or email just to ask the oddest of questions, like how my dad's health is or that he "heard through the grapevine" that I was pregnant. Another time he wanted to know if my husband and I were splitting up because it was another grapevine rumor. It's comical, really, to see what he comes up with.
How have you dealt with being a source of supply for the Narc in your life? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you sharing your stories with me.
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you!
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