Outsiders think they know a Narcissist when they are one. Someone who is so outwardly into themselves. Someone who boasts often. But, there are signs of Narcissism that are easily missed when one doesn't understand the depths Narcissists go to in order to obtain supply.
These signs are also referred to as Red Flags. With Narcissists, many times these red flags aren't seen it noticed until much later.
Why? Because the N is so good at hiding at what they truly are. They need us to be hooked, to be dependent upon them, and even to be totally enamored.
1. They are charming.....at first
Narcissists have a way of appearing like the most charming, friendly, outgoing, and successful people when they first meet you. They choose what side to show others depending on what and how it will benefit them.
2. They will isolate you
Narcissists are very good at isolating their victims from their support systems. I remember when I first began dating my ex, we lived only maybe an hour from my friends and family. Then, two months into dating, we moved over 2 hours away. Isolation needs to happen gradually when you are involved with a Narcissist. Nearly two years later, we moved across the country. Then less than a year later, we moved to another state. Narcissists not only pull us away from family, but also friends we make. My ex knew I was making new friends in the areas we had moved to, so to keep me from getting stronger emotionally, we kept moving.
3. They try to "fix" or "improve" you
This one creeps in extremely slowly. It will manifest as "helpful" suggestions on how to dress or what foods to eat so you can be healthier. I look back and I realize this happened with my NX right from the start. I just didn't see it. My NX would suggest what clothes looked better on me because of my "figure." It was a very subtle way he used to shame my body.
4. Boundary erosion
Narcissists test your boundaries much in the same way the velociraptors tested the electric fences in Jurassic Park. They do so systematically. One boundary here, another there. They will wear you down slowly. Once you make small allowances in any one of your boundaries, they know they can get away with it again. Ever hear of the saying "give them an inch and they'll take a mile"?
5. Dangling the carrot
Narcissists often will tease you with things they know you want or need. They dangle the proverbial carrot in front of you, only to yank it away at the last minute. They will make promises just to get you to do what they want, then they break that promise.
6. Anger issues
I saw minor glimpses of his anger early on, but I remember brushing it off. Arguments were nasty and quite volatile. Screaming until he was beet red in the face. He even punched a hole in the wall once.
I always brushed it off and chalked it up to "he had a bad day." But it never improved. In fact, it only got worse. These "bad days" happened more frequently.
Narcissists don't let their rage be seen right away when the relationship begins. They are too busy lovebombing you. Then, when they have you hooked, they slowly begin to unleash their wrath.
These signs (or red flags) won't ever show up in healthy relationships, whether it's with a significant other, a friend, a coworker or even a parent. The signs are saved for the Narcissists who swing on the volatile pendulum. What other easily missed signs did you see that didn't show up until later? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories with me.
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you!
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The content of this site is told from the blog author/owner's personal experience of dealing with a male Narcissist. Narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths are both male and female, and come from all walks of life. Furthermore, the content contained herein is not intended to be a replacement for medical or legal counsel. This blog's sole purpose is to provide support to those who have endured Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse.