There is no changing a Narcissist. You cannot love better, deeper or stronger. You cannot show any kind of compassion to a Narcissist. Why? Because they will use your compassion against you.
Narcissists are devoid of any empathy, love and compassion. They don’t love the way normal healthy people love. So when you show love, compassion, thoughtfulness and kindness to Narcissists, they will take that and stuff it away for later use. They will whip out their arsenal of “wrongs” that you have committed, including being a compassionate person.
That famous quote that “resistance is futile” certainly applies here. Don’t appeal to their “good side”, their “common sense” or their “loving nature.” It won’t make a bit of difference.
Is it possible to have compassion towards a Narcissist and not show it?
I think so, yes. When you discover the Narcissist is a Narcissist, you’ll want to learn what you can about Narcissism and everything it entails. This depth of understanding can lead you to have a certain empathetic feeling towards the Narcissist.
Oh, but the Narcissist will likely attempt to do things to get you to feel sorry for them (and show it). Like the time my NX told me over the phone that his brother had thyroid cancer. Telling me this was not long after his uncle actually did pass away from cancer. It was in my nature to tell my NX that I was sorry for his loss when his uncle passed away. There was no emotion in my voice though. I used the gray rock method to reply to him.
Anyway, no matter what the Narcissist tells you, don’t fall prey to showing any kind of compassion towards them. When you show ANY kind of empathy towards a Narcissist, you begin to go down the path of neglecting yourself. You neglect taking care of your own emotions, your own health and your own psyche. By showing a Narcissist compassion, you are essentially allowing the Narcissist to use that as a weapon against you.
I know, I know. It’s who you are as a person. You are an amazing, caring, loving and empathetic person. So you give that love to all you meet. Even the Narcissist at first. Then, once you begin to see the truth, it’s just about too late to pull away. You are sucked in. By that point, your compassion is already being used against you.
When you find out the truth about the Narcissist
What happens when you find out that the Narcissist is actually a Narcissist? What happens to your feelings, your compassion, your loving nature? Do you just give it up?
No, you don’t have to necessarily give up who you really are. Just don’t show compassion anymore towards the Narcissist. Don’t give them anymore “ammunition” that they can use against you. They love to destroy all that is good about you. Even your compassionate, loving nature. Don’t get pulled into their game of “Oh my family member is sick” or “I’m down on my luck. I lost my job. Can you lend me some money?” Don’t fall for that stuff.
So how have you dealt with compassion towards the Narcissist? Has the Narcissist used it against you? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories with me.
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you!
The Top 10
Here you will find my most popular posts for easier discovery.
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Effects of Emotional Abuse
Emotionally Abusive Behaviors
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Going No Contact: A List Of What To Do And What Not To Do
An Open Letter To All Survivors Who Just Got Out Of An Abusive Situation
The Great Manipulator
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The content of this site is told from the blog author/owner's personal experience of dealing with a male Narcissist. Narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths are both male and female, and come from all walks of life. Furthermore, the content contained herein is not intended to be a replacement for medical or legal counsel. This blog's sole purpose is to provide support to those who have endured Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse.