What is triangulation? How do Narcissists use it to their advantage? What are its effects on you, the target? Triangulation is one of the many tactics that the Narcissist uses. Have you wondered why other people seem to always be involved or hang around?
What is triangulation by definition?
Triangulation is an indirect form of abuse where a third person is brought into the mix without that third person knowing it is for the purpose of abusing the target.
My NX used his NS (new supply) in a triangulation incident in May. I called to talk to my daughter on her birthday. They were getting ready to go out. The next thing I know, I hear the new supply in the background doing my daughter's hair! While I'm on the phone with my daughter.
It couldn't have waited?? Nope. Not in a Narcissist's eyes. They need to have that power and control over the target. They do it to try to get a reaction. Any kind of reaction.
Using triangulation to their advantage
Narcissists employ the use of triangulation as a means of power and control over their targets. The biggest platform in which to do this is social media.
My NX has also used his new supply in this fashion on Facebook several times. He's posted things like "she's calmed the beast within me" and that he can be himself around her because he used to "get beat." She's being used for triangulation and she doesn't even know it!
Narcissists love Facebook and other social media platforms because it's an easy way to wave their new supply in your face. They loudly declare their new found happiness by posting pictures and status updates.
Even when conversing via the phone or email, Narcissists will use triangulating statements like, "I spoke to my parents and even they agree." When engaged in a conversation, the Narcissist will use anyone in a triangulating statement to further their point.
The effects of triangulation
A Narcissist's goal is to create a state of neediness and confusion in you. Perhaps the Narc wants to make you jealous. Perhaps the Narc wants to make you feel crazy. Perhaps the Narc wants to make you angry so that you'll confront him or her, and the Narc can then go to the new supply and say "See? Told you my ex was a crazy angry b*tch." Perhaps it's all of these things and more.
My NX also used my daughter's teacher in recent triangulation efforts. He emailed me, basically slandering the teacher in hopes I would agree to move my daughter out of the class. I copied the teacher on my response to him. To say he was pissed off is putting it mildly. I likely ruined his plan to triangulate the both of us.
I feel his original intention was to get me to agree with him, or no matter what I said, he would lie to the teacher and say that I agreed with him. He likely wanted to prevent me from sharing incriminating info about him to the teacher. And because she saw what he wrote in the email, I am that certain he feels he is now uncovered. By both the teacher AND the principal. My NX wanted to be the main point of contact likely to paint me in a bad light, and I threw a wrench into his plan.
Narcissists are cunning individuals and will go to any length to obtain the supply they crave. Their goal is to leave you with anxiety, depression, feelings of jealousy and a host of other psychological and physical ailments. The bright side is that you CAN heal from Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse!
Have you been used in a Narcissist's triangulation tactics? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories with me.
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you!
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Here you will find my most popular posts for easier discovery.
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Emotionally Abusive Behaviors
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Going No Contact: A List Of What To Do And What Not To Do
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