A Narcissist has an insatiable need to always be right. He will argue with you until he's blue in the face. Well, if he's arguing, his face will be bright red from all the screaming he's doing.
My NX, as do many (if not all) Narcs, have a "my way or the highway" mentality. He'd hold steadfast to his opinions and decisions. No matter what, he'd do his own thing. He'd ask me for my opinion, then do his own thing anyway. That's what a Narc will do. Asking for your opinion is a ruse.
A Narc wants what he wants when he wants it. A Narc who is determined to get his way will be loud, angry and confrontational. He is so afraid that his needs won't be met that he will do anything to accomplish it, even if that means attempting to force others to comply.
So what can you do in this kind of situation? You can either acquiesce and let the Narc have his way. Or you can hold your ground and get your voice heard. The latter of the two though will most certainly incur the Narc's wrath.
So why does a Narcissist have this "my way or the highway" mentality? Narcs are immensely needy and extremely desperate for approval. And because they didn't get the love in their lives that they craved, they demand the love, attention, affection, and adoration now any way that they feel they can get it. And if you don't give them what they demand? Then it's the highway with you. But if you are involved with a Narc, it's not as cut and dry as that. A Narc is also more cunning than that. They are master manipulators (see my post here on The Great Manipulator) and they will get you to compromise your viewpoint or who you are as a person just to get what they want. They don't care about you. You are just a means to an end. They refuse to see things from your perspective or compromise to reach a solution. What do you do in that case? How do you meet their needs while maintaining your boundaries? (Read my post on Boundaries for insight.) Is maintaining your boundaries even possible when you try to meet a Narc's needs? In a word....no. It is not possible. The Narc will change his needs as often as he changes his underwear. He will change the rules of the game every day to leave you confused and guessing. So in an attempt to not incur my NX's wrath, I would acquiesce and let him have his way. Unfortunately, he'd change the rules and he'd erupt into his Narc rage. (See my post on The Narcissistic Rage.) So no matter what I did or didn't do, I would be on the receiving end of his wrath. So, I did my own thing anyway. Have you experienced this "my way or the highway" mentality with someone? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you sharing your stories with me.
7 Comments
Rose Michelle
7/21/2016 11:41:35 am
My ex was great at changing the rules. He expected his rules to be kept by me and our son, but would then change them to fit his needs. When I would call him out on this change, he would use the silent treatment on me because I caught him. Never did he tell or use physical abuse to voice his disapproval. Not until he was caught in an affair. Then he became physical.
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Jenn
7/21/2016 03:32:20 pm
Rose Michelle.....I totally get it. My ex always changed the rules. I must call the kids during x time, oh but then I can't so it has to be done at a different time. Times I was "allowed" to call my kids suddenly became too inconvenient. Narcs like to play that game. It's their way of keeping us with that proverbial carrot dangling in front of us.
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Melissa
7/18/2018 01:59:16 pm
Like when I ask for something to be done ( like the dishes after supper) and 15 min later they are still not done and you get upset and start raising your voice so that (daughter) hears to go do the dishes now. Is that being a narcissist. I’m a little confused by it.
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RDP
7/21/2016 11:56:08 am
There is no acquiescing to the narc's way because, as you said, the s/he constantly changes the rules. Every time I was convinced to go along with my NX's way, it was turned around on me. One time when I gave in after more than a year of brainwashing, manipulation, etc. on a particular thing he wanted, THE EXACT DAY I gave in, he accused me of being a whore and ruining our marriage and flew into a drunken rage. All because I acquiesced to his wishes. There is no winning with these people.
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Jenn
7/21/2016 03:37:23 pm
RDP......you got it. There's no winning with them. That's the sick game they play. If you are a Star Trek fan.....It's a Kobayashi Maru....a no-win scenario. Narcs need to feel all powerful, and changing the rules gives them a rush of power.
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Anonymous Target
3/10/2017 11:53:51 am
This sounds exactly like what I go through. When presented with choices he asks what I want, but it doesn't matter. He selects what he wants anyway. When I asked him about it he said that he does that to find out if I agree with him. It's his way or the highway. He controls everything.
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Jenn
3/11/2017 01:20:52 pm
Anonymous.......Sounds so much like my NX too. He'd ask me for advise but then do his own thing anyway. I'm like "Well, why ask my opinion or what I want if you were going to do your own thing?" Ugh, it was so frustrating.
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