Mirroring was briefly mentioned in my previous post, Knowledge is Power. I mentioned how Narcissists will pass themselves off as the perfect mate. How does the Narc achieve this? Read on!
Narcissists will seek out your goals, your insecurities, your dreams, your values. They will say things akin to "Oh wow, me too!" or "I feel exactly the same way." And based on their reconnaissance, they will morph into your perfect mate. They will even go so far as to say, "I've never felt this way about anyone before" and call you their soulmate. They will even suggest that you move in together as quickly as possible because they just can't be without you!
Mirroring is actually a widely used sales technique. The salesperson will reflect back what the customer says or the body language that is used. I used to work in retail for many years and have seen this technique used before. If the customer is inquisitive and the body language suggests friendliness, then the salesperson would act in the same manner. This same technique is also used in drama and acting classes.
But with the Narc, it's different. Narcissists use you as a means to an end. They will reflect back to you all the behaviors that you are exhibiting, not to know more about you and have a genuine relationship with you, but to learn all they can about you so that they can pretend to be someone they are not.
You will be amazed that you both have the same taste in music, movies, and food. They will say, "Oh you like chocolate covered strawberries? Oh my gosh, so do I!" In fact, my ex-Narc said that very thing to me. He drew information from me in the beginning and discovered that my all-time favorite dessert treat is chocolate covered strawberries. And guess what he did? He made them for me for our first Valentine's Day together.
The Narc will go all out in mirroring your persona. They will mimic your style of dress (dressy to casual). They will copy your language usage (casual talk like with friends, or cursing). They will tell you that he also has the same favorite pastimes, like reading or listening to music. If you say you dislike a particular musical artist or a type of food, well....guess what? So do they!
They will become whatever you are. Their end game is to get you hooked. You will be so swept up in the emotions of finding your "soulmate" that you won't even notice the small beginnings of the abuse.
That's exactly why it's called mirroring. They reflect back to you what they observe. You are essentially falling for yourself! (That's in the case of romantic relationships. Narcs can also be parents, teachers, coworkers, friends, siblings, etc.)
Have you experienced mirroring in your relationship? Share below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories with me.
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you!
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