Have the Narcissists ever told you that you are making something out to be bigger than it is? Have the Narcissists ever told you that you’re overreacting? What the Narcissists are doing is minimizing your experiences. They are saying that what you feel doesn’t matter. It’s not a big deal, they say. Minimizing is a big deal, actually, and it is a form of control.
Narcissists are all about maintaining power and control over you. One of the ways they achieve this is by minimizing your concerns - both about the abuse and about other relationship concerns. Now, we all “blow things out of proportion” sometimes, but what makes minimizing so abusive is its habitual nature. The Narcissists use this tactic on a daily basis!
Why minimizing works
Minimizing works as a form of control because Narcissists strive to keep their overinflated image of themselves intact. They work aggressively to conceal their true nature, so employing the use of minimization keeps that mask up. They don’t want anyone finding out who and what they are!
Narcissists will use this manipulation tactic to twist the truth into their own version of the truth. They make molehills out of mountains. They are trying to turn something into a lesser of a big deal than it is. For example: Say you approach the Narcissist with an issue that you feel must be addressed. It is of utmost importance. You want to tell the Narcissist that what he or she said to you truly hurt your feelings. The Narcissists looks at you dumbfounded and says, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re being such a drama queen.” The Narcissist is denying the action to shut down the discussion.
What about when Narcissists do admit to abuse? Well, they make it out to be not such a big deal. They say, “Well, I only hit you because you hit me first. Besides, I barely touched you.” Or they might say, “I only emotional abused you because you were emotionally abusing me.” They make excuses for their behavior. They minimize the effects that behavior actually has on you. They tell you, “What are you crying for? Don’t be such a baby. What I said wasn’t THAT bad.”
What continual minimization does
The habitual nature of Narcissists minimizing their actions, causes the victims to truly lose their grasp on reality. The victims are denied the reality of what occurred.
“The more serious incident he denies, the more her grip on reality can start to slip. And if outsiders start to notice her instability, the abuser can use their observations to persuade them that her revelations of abuse by him are fantasies.”
The minimizing is like the slow drip of a kitchen faucet that is never fixed. Narcissists slowly drip out their abuse on a daily basis, sometimes for years and years. And outsiders never know.
The Narcissists are ready for the final discard. That is when they will make one final minimizing comment or action. Usually in front of outsiders. And thar she blows, basically. This gives the Narcissists the ultimate front seat to the victim’s meltdown. The victim will give a grossly disproportionate response to the Narcissist’s comment or action. The Narcissist then can calmly point out to the outsiders and say, “See? I told you she was crazy.”
Narcissists don’t want to answer for what they did. It’s a way to disguise any malicious intent behind their actions. You feel what occurred was a huge deal. They feel it wasn’t a big deal. That is turning a mountain into a molehill. Making a big thing into a smaller thing.
Have you experienced minimizing? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories with me.
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you!
The Top 10
Here you will find my most popular posts for easier discovery.
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Effects of Emotional Abuse
Emotionally Abusive Behaviors
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Going No Contact: A List Of What To Do And What Not To Do
An Open Letter To All Survivors Who Just Got Out Of An Abusive Situation
The Great Manipulator
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The content of this site is told from the blog author/owner's personal experience of dealing with a male Narcissist. Narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths are both male and female, and come from all walks of life. Furthermore, the content contained herein is not intended to be a replacement for medical or legal counsel. This blog's sole purpose is to provide support to those who have endured Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse.