It is not only possible, but achievable to have a life after the Narcissists. But how? How can we have a life after the Narcissists, especially when they seemingly have broken us down, torn our emotions to shreds, and destroyed our self-worth and our confidence?
After the discard, we are so broken. Broken emotionally. Broken mentally. And sometimes, even broken physically. So it stands to reason that so many survivors cannot grasp the notion that it IS possible to have a life after the abuser.
I know how chaotic life can be after The Discard. We are so fearful of sinking below the murky waters that is life post-Narc. We don’t know where to go. We don’t know how to feel. We don’t know how to survive. Reclaiming your power post-Narc will indeed be difficult, but it can be done. Where do you even begin, though? Where and how do we get our lives back after the N? 1.Therapy Finding the right therapist is essential in our healing journeys and essential to have a life after the Narcissists. Don’t just blindly pick one out of the “yellow pages” on the Internet. Make a list of several potential candidates, and interview them. Call them up, and ask them pertinent questions like if they have experience treating survivors of narcissistic and emotional abuse. It took me several years to find a therapist who “got it.” She was located in a women’s shelter in the city that I currently live in. I was officially diagnosed with PTSD and she introduced me to EMDR therapy. (Read my blog posts PTSD As A Result Of Narcissistic Abuse and EMDR: How It Helped Me for more information.) 2. Boundaries Creating healthy boundaries is an essential step to having a life after the Narcissists. These boundaries will center on what you will and will not accept in your healing journey. For example, if you have children with the Narcissist, one of your boundaries could be to not to have calls past a certain hour. 3. No Contact Having a life after the Narcissist means having No Contact with them. No phone calls. No text messages. No emails. No Facebook messages. No nothing. (Read my blog Going No Contact: A List Of What To Do And What Not To Do for more information.) 4. Try new things Having a life after the N is vital to showing ourselves (and them) that they truly did not break us. Getting out there and trying new things will most certainly help us in reclaiming our power. Learn a new craft. Go hiking. Learn to cook a new dish. Bottom line Having a life after the N is possible, my friends. You will definitely have some bad days in your journey, but I promise you, you will also have some good days. What has your life been like after the N? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories with me.
5 Comments
Peter
6/20/2018 10:35:58 am
It’s truly amazing to see all of these different stories on this website. When I met my NX I didn’t even have a clear understanding of what a narcissist even was let alone her behaviours.
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Randy
5/14/2019 04:44:12 pm
I spent years trying to understand the short falls in our relationship. Each time, I tried to end it, she would somehow pull me back. MAking each argument appear like it was my fault, kept bringing me back. I spent years thinking that I was mentally unstable. That something must have happened internally to be this controlling, do be this insecure and to be this crazy. I contemplated therapy and even got to the point to consider suicide. A dear friend opened my eyes to the world of the Narc. I spent months learning about how "they" work. Watching hundred's of hours of video, the realization that I was being manipulated hit me like a back of rocks. I have since filed for divorce and have put the house on the market. Trust me when I say, that you are not the crazy one, you are not the one who is out of control. Open up your eyes and you will see it as well. The weight has lifted off my shoulders and it will for you as well. Good luck in your journey. Read... read and read until you have learned more than you care to know.
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SYBIL
7/28/2020 10:44:31 pm
I HAD A HARD TIME DUMPING MY EGG AND SPERM DONOR, BUT AFTER I DID IT, I COULDN'T BELIEVE THAT I DIDN'T DO IT LONG, LONG AGO. WHEN I THINK ABOUT THEIR TREATMENT I JUST WANT TO SMASH THEIR FACES WITH BOTH FISTS. MY SELF ESTEEM IS BETTER THAN EVER THOUGH. I WISH THEY COULD SEE ME HAVING A LAUGH AT THEIR EXPENSE BUT ON THE OTHER HAND I DON'T WANT ANY CONTACT WITH SUCH GARBAGE PEOPLE.
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Brenden
11/27/2021 11:17:30 pm
They say men are more likely to be narcissists, yet I feel as if there are just as many female narcissists… the other comments on here were men too and hit toooo close to home.. it’s a different type of pain for sure, especially knowing that people like this exist.. obviously they weren’t born that way something from their childhoods had to have been too traumatizing, though that’s no excuse for their behavior, just comes to show if we don’t heal from what hurt us we’ll continue to project the pain onto others creating a chain reaction… it’s even worse narcissists have children, granted some turn out to be empaths while others inherit their traits, but we all know narcissists are incapable of genuine love, not even towards themselves even though they love themselves more than anything
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12/11/2021 04:07:02 pm
So right about this. The egg donor was a convert narcissist using her overt narcissist husband to deflect blame. Never gave a shit about anyone but herself and it's clear that the disorder can exist undetected. They are so good at manipulation and can't bear life without scapegoating someone. In egg donor's case she simply played victim in an effort to make him look bad and the thing is that it actually worked. They have been in such a miserable way for so long that they have nothing but bad memories to sustain them as they slowly march to the grave awaiting them. Boo hoo.
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna Jen, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you! Archives
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