Whether the Narcissist in your life is an ex or a current partner, one truth will stand clear. Your anger. Why is that a truth? Because it's okay to be angry at the Narcissist.
It is perfectly normal to struggle with anger in our lives. We all do it. It's also normal to struggle with how to deal with and handle that anger. There is no magical cure for how to handle anger or how to fix it. Anger is pain that takes time to resolve.
Occasional anger, I believe, is a gift from God. Anger is not a primary emotion but a secondary emotion. The primary emotion may be offense or fear, or shame, but it manifests itself in anger.
The above quote is very true. Typically, there is something behind the anger. Once we get at the root cause, we can do something about it.
What happened to you with the Narcissist is not ordinary. In fact, it's downright stressful. It will cause you worry or panic. Or it could create feelings of intense hatred. And ALL these feelings are okay. It's normal. It's a healthy response to being abused, manipulated, and profoundly violated.
The anger that comes out of these primary feelings should spark us to make a positive change in our lives. Perhaps your anger leads you to join a support group or women's shelter. Maybe you decided to get healthy and consult a nutritionist. Maybe the anger you feel helps you start a support group in your area.
Whatever you decide to do, be sure it's a positive step. Why? Because if you turn your anger towards negativity, it becomes sinful. I feel like that would be like creating a black hole that you would be spiraling down into and you wouldn't be able to climb out of. This kind of anger is what the Narcissist elects to display.
In my experience, a Narcissist's anger leads to violence and abuse. It is a destructive path they go down. Do not follow them down that path. You are better than that!
Do you want to know something, though?
I struggle with anger. I struggle with wanting to create positive change versus wanting revenge. The hard truth of the matter is that it's not my place in life to punish anyone.
So how do you approach someone about an offense without crossing the line and telling them off? Approach is key to how the situation will resolve itself. Bringing our grievances to the other person is supposed to resolve our anger and the situation at hand. (Though, approaching the Narcissist isn't advised, since they'd deny the abuse, or say you were the cause of it anyway.)
On the opposite side of the coin, telling someone off only exacerbates the problem and perpetuates the cycle of violence. The issue doesn't get resolved and the anger is left there to fester.
Have you ever heard the term "Don't go to bed angry"? Make a sincere effort to put the fire of anger out as soon as you can. Find ways to approach and handle the anger.
It is okay to be angry at the Narcissist. The Narc caused so much turmoil in your life. Of course you'd be angry! I am too.
So, it naturally begs the question......How do you work through the anger?
Here's a few things that worked for me:
I've come to terms with what happened. That doesn't mean that I don't still feel angry at times. I just implement the avenues that worked for me before and the anger subsides. I am positive you will find your own way through your anger. But for now, just know that it is okay to be angry at the Narc.
Have you struggled with anger towards the Narcissist? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories with me.
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you!
The Top 10
Here you will find my most popular posts for easier discovery.
How Narcissists Make Sure You Never Solve Problems In A Relationship
The Fake Apology
How I Lost My Identity
Effects of Emotional Abuse
Emotionally Abusive Behaviors
Tightening Your Facebook Privacy Settings
Why You Should Never Defend Yourself Against The Narcissist's Smear Campaign
Going No Contact: A List Of What To Do And What Not To Do
An Open Letter To All Survivors Who Just Got Out Of An Abusive Situation
The Great Manipulator
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The content of this site is told from the blog author/owner's personal experience of dealing with a male Narcissist. Narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths are both male and female, and come from all walks of life. Furthermore, the content contained herein is not intended to be a replacement for medical or legal counsel. This blog's sole purpose is to provide support to those who have endured Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse.