Whether we are just beginning our healing journeys or we are well into them, one thing can stand clear for many survivors – that we can feel clear resentment after the abuse. But how do you let go of that resentment and not let it consume you?
Resentment is defined as the anger or bitterness we feel when we are treated unfairly. And when we begin to resent someone without talking it over with them, feelings can build up. However, you can’t talk it out with a Narcissist. There is no talking it out. They don’t know how. They even refuse to.
So how can we work it out within ourselves so that we don’t harbor that feeling to the point of it consuming us?
Let’s first look at what consuming it can do to a survivor.
When we don’t release the bitterness and anger we feel towards the Narcissist, it can manifest itself as inward punishment. We can begin to punish ourselves for what we endured. We can begin to take on the blame for it. And that’s just what the Narcissists want! They want US to take the blame for the abuse. It’s a erudite way of deflecting the blame.
It can also manifest itself by causing us to become physically sick. When we hold onto the bitterness and anger without releasing it in a healthy way, we can cause ourselves to be sick worry – worry that maybe the Narcissist was right and we did cause the abuse. When we bury our anger, we are doing ourselves a disservice. We are continuing to let the Narcissists get to us. We are doing just what they want us to do – they want us to take the blame. We get physically sick from the aggravation of it all. It can only add to what the Narcissists are accusing us of – that we are the sick individuals who need help.
For a long time after my discard, I had felt the effects of holding onto the resentment and bitterness. I was always tired. I felt sad and disappointed. I was anxious. I was feeling ill on a constant basis.
I didn’t want to deny my anger towards him. And we should acknowledge our anger because it can help us redirect our feelings. I began to learn that the abuse wasn’t my fault.
And that’s how we can let go!
When we acknowledge what we endured without turning it inward and blaming ourselves, we are taking away the Narcissist’s power over us. We are placing the blame squarely on the shoulders of where it belongs – with the Narcissists.
Talking it out with a trusted friend, relative, or even a therapist can also aid in us letting go of the resentment. Getting it “out there” and verbalizing what we endured, can help us paint a better picture of our healing journey. We can understand the path we’d like to take.
Keeping a journal can even help with letting it out. Whether it be talking to someone or writing it down, we are releasing it into the atmosphere. When we get it out into the open, we are taking away the Narcissist’s power. You see, the Narcissists want us to hold onto the shame that they made us feel. They want us to take the blame for what happened. So when we release that (in whatever ways we feel necessary), we are taking away the one thing the Narcissists rely on.
Feeling anger, bitterness, resentment and hatred toward the Narcissists is okay! Please know that, my warrior survivor friends. Don’t feel like you have to hold it in. That’s just what the Narcissists want. By releasing the resentment into the atmosphere, we take away their power. We are telling them that we are now in control of our futures.
What other ways do you let go of the resentment? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you f or sharing your stories with me.
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Greetings, my warrior survivor friends! Welcome to my blog. I'm Julianna, the owner and creator of this site. Check out the My Story section to read about why I started this blog. Thanks for stopping in. And feel free to comment on any post, share your own thoughts and stories. I would love to hear from you!
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The content of this site is told from the blog author/owner's personal experience of dealing with a male Narcissist. Narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths are both male and female, and come from all walks of life. Furthermore, the content contained herein is not intended to be a replacement for medical or legal counsel. This blog's sole purpose is to provide support to those who have endured Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse.