Narcissists are known for never accepting responsibility in their lives. This includes pitching in with household duties. And as such, they will end up making you feel like a servant.
Why would they do this?
Well, they feel they are above us. Narcissists are evil dictators who feel they don’t need to do such things. In their eyes, it is beneath them to assist us with household duties. Oh, they may do ONE thing, then months later say, “Well, I helped out. Like the time I took out the garbage. You should feel lucky that I helped.” You see, that’s the thing with Narcissists. They tell us we should be lucky and honored that they blessed us with their presence and assistance. Despite that, they still feel the need to leave EVERYTHING of theirs laying around the house – clothing, dirty dishes, notebooks, papers, etc. They expect us to be “Suzy Homemaker” and keep the place tidy. Oh, but when we actually DO clean up after them, they make it known that we weren’t actually supposed to. Oh the irony! My NX would yell at me for picking up his uniform that he’d leave laying around the house. Every day, he would say, “It’s not dirty. I’ll be wearing it tomorrow.” Yet, he’d leave it crumpled up in a pile on the living room floor. All I would try to do is pick it up and maybe drape his jacket over a chair. I’d get yelled at for that. And yet…… When we don’t pick up after them, they act like it was an unspoken rule that we were supposed to wash the dishes or pick up their paperwork. I would tell my NX that he had instructed me not to do it anymore. He’d turn around and scream, “Well, I didn’t mean that.” Oh but of course. He’d say I was actually supposed to clean the dishes and clean the house. You see, Narcissists are a juxtaposition. They say one thing, but mean another. When we do that one thing, they yell at us and say we weren’t supposed to do it the way they said do and to do it another way. When we do it that other way, we get yelled at again. When we have an entire morning or even a full day of cleaning the house, we decided to take a break. It’s only natural, right? But with the Narcissists, they see us taking a break and they yell at us. My NX once yelled at me, “What did you do? Sit on your fat a$$ and eat bon bons all day?” Bottom line Narcissists will make us feel like a servant. Cooking, cleaning, picking up after them. There’s no use protesting either because they will spew their wrath upon us. They will loudly proclaim that it is their right to sit down and relax after a hard day’s work. (And what do they think WE do all day, especially if we work outside the home?) That’s their entitled nature for you! What have been your experiences with this? Comment below. And as always, I appreciate you for sharing your stories with me.
11 Comments
Carolyn
8/13/2017 03:47:13 pm
You are dead on add one I can't tribute any money to the house hold so he makes me feel that's my duty and still fusses about me not giving him money to pay the bills! When he has a lot of money!!
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Julianna
9/17/2017 09:06:55 am
Kari......I hear ya. It's like when we do work (whether it be at home or outside the home), the money we do make they think is theirs. It's frustrating because they make us feel guilty if we do ANYTHING for ourselves outside of spending money on the home. Get our nails done? Nope, we get shamed for that. Buy ourselves a soda? Nope, we get called names like fat and selfish.
Julianna
9/17/2017 09:04:43 am
Carolyn.........And sometimes any money we DO make, it ends up being "their" money anyway. I was always made to feel guilty for buying myself something like a soda or a small treat.
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Sally
10/24/2017 01:13:00 pm
This is very true! Quite a lot of articles about financial abuse state that the abuser will not let you have your own money, or even go to work and they have to control all the money. My husband would make me pay for EVERYTHING he would hardly work and for ten years he contributed £25 a week towards the house, bills, food, kids, he told me he never had any money but managed to buy things for himself. I even bought his cars! Now we are divorcing he is entitled to my savings (which I'd saved for kids driving lessons in the future) nit to mention my pension, when he refused to even gave a pension, saying he'd live of my inheritance. I feel like I've kept him for years and now I have to give him anything I've worked for.
Anon
8/14/2017 09:30:11 am
They tell us to do one thing but mean another so that (1) they can logically deny that they talk to us this way, and (2) when they regurgitate what happened to their flying monkies, using "the truth" will paint us as the wrong doer.
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Julianna
9/17/2017 09:09:24 am
Anon......I know what you mean. My ex was military, and even though I had a full time job, I would still come home and do household chores. The moment he'd see me sit down for a MOMENT, he'd take big intimidating strides over to where I was sitting and scream that Bon bon comment.
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Sally
10/24/2017 01:07:41 pm
This is so true. My husband was the laziest person I know, and I used to do everything, the house, the kids and work and bring home most of the money (because he wouldn't contribute, worked for himself and hardly went to work). He would accuse me of being lazy working part time and it got to the point I couldn't even stop for coffee without feeling guilty. If I met a friend for coffee on my day off, I used to make sure I literally ran round the house, dusting hoovering tidying etc before I went out, so he didn't accuse me of 'flapping my lips' with my friends all day and neglect the house!
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Jo
7/3/2018 02:38:15 pm
One of the many ways they abuse you. Despite the early promises he would never treat me like my first husband or take me for granted once we lived together it quickly unravelled and only got worse once our first child came along. Although he had paid the bills which were all in his name we lived off my full time wage for food and all the extras. He hated having to keep me and was pushing for me to go back to work but I couldn't see how I would manage it all. I left him when our child was 7 months old and I don't manage things to the standard I would like but at least I don't have him standing over me criticising the mess, the meals, lack of money etc. I always remember being made yo have second hand stuff for the baby having waited over 10 years to conceive, he was willing to splash out on a hideous changing bag that he deemed suitable for him to use but of course he never touched it or the baby's nappy and him strutting in to the kitchen wearing a new coat shortly before I was due. Throughout the divorce money and division of property was dragged out, even though I'd paid thousands for the deposit on our house he maintained he had paid the mortgage and bills so was therefore entitled to it while the baby and i were homeless and living in a council refuge. He insisted on keeping the rotary washing line and pressure washer that I had got free with my car insurance and for a long time I would think of things I used to have but were left behind in the house. Things can be replaced but at least me and my child got out in one piece.
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Garth Santor
5/1/2019 02:32:44 pm
The summary at the end is bang on. In my case though my wife is at home most of the day. She won't make supper most nights, doesn't clean, empty or fill the dishwasher, wash the kids clothes, walk the dogs (or clean up their accidents). She leaves dishes and clothes all over the house. That's fine, she is a slob, but she will ask everyone else do the work. She even asks people to fetch her a drink or her shoes. If told no (I'm not your servant), the guilt trip is played out.
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Carrie
10/19/2022 05:43:46 am
From the time I was a young teenager, I noticed that my mother enjoys spending time in the kitchen cooking very large and multi-step meals. However, as I grew up, she would simply eat her own meal and leave the kitchen mess unattended. She was soon able to navigate the household into making it my chore, because I was scared of my father's anger and my mother's disappointment/anger in me. So I think I could be guilted into doing it, whereas my siblings were not as easily guilted and still are not.
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